Every time I read through Proverbs there are a few select proverbs that, as a wife, I read with fear and trembling. Proverbs 27:15-16 is one of them:

A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.

Doesn’t that description sound awful? I never want to be the kind of wife who can only be described as a continual “dripping!” What woman would??

I’ve read those verses for years as a cautionary tale, but this week I read them from a slightly different perspective: one of empathy. No woman WANTS to be a nagging wife, but it happens to most of us at one time or another. Which begs the question: How did the woman of this proverb become such a quarrelsome wife? What can I learn from her?

As I thought about this question, I remembered a blog I wrote last summer called Why It’s Hard to End an Argument. In it I shared the following research about how women respond to conflict biologically:

When you get into a fight, your heart starts pounding and your stomach clenches, thereby sending signals to the brain that say, “You are angry! Get angry!” For both men and women, it takes about 2 seconds for this system to kick in. We are able to engage at about the same speed.

However, it takes longer for women to turn that system off. As the argument winds down, a man’s body will slowly relax, signaling to his brain that all is well again and he can go to sleep in peace. A woman’s body, on the other hand, remains upset longer. Her body is still tense and her heart is still racing, so her brain thinks, “I must still be upset.”

As a result of this biological wiring, it’s harder for women to simply let an argument go. The fight might be over, but our bodies are telling our brains, “You’re still upset about something! Stay mad! Don’t let him off the hook.” We may even find things to get upset about, dragging the argument out even further.

It’s funny how you can write something and then completely forget about it a few months later, because this info would have come in REALLY handy a couple days ago. I was upset with my husband about something and I could NOT let it go! I was so hurt and frustrated that I kept bringing the issue up over and over again, beating the horse long after it was dead.

But when reading Proverbs 27:15-16 in conjunction with the above research, it’s easy to see how women can easily become “quarrelsome.” When we are upset about something, it takes awhile for our bodies to physically calm down, which makes us very difficult to “restrain.” That reality also led me to reinterpret the second half of the proverb. I had always read it as a warning to men, but it could easily be directed at women. When I get upset, it is VERY difficult to restrain myself, even when I know that I need to calm down.

So rather than read Proverbs 27:15-16 from a position of judgment, this proverb is a fantastic window into the mind and heart of a woman. Women aren’t quarrelsome because we have nothing better to do than nag our husbands and be controlling. Sometimes we are quarrelsome because it is physically difficult to rein in our emotions. Our argumentativeness is often the result of not knowing how to properly process how we’re feeling. And while that hard-wiring does not free me to indulge my feelings and sin in my anger, my knowledge of it does set me free from being ruled by those feelings.

I know this sounds like a ridiculous question. The answer should be pretty obvious, especially for a Christian. But before you assume that you already know the answer, and before you click out of the window because Christmas is over and this post seems a little late in coming, you should know that I have a reason for posting this now. Just stick with me for a moment!

But first, let me back up to the weeks leading up to Christmas. This year I happened to come across a number of articles and television programs that “exposed” the elephant in the Christmas room–namely, that Jesus was not born on December 25th. In fact, he wasn’t even born in December. Judging by the information given to us in the Bible, he was probably born some time in the Spring.

While seemingly a scandal of the Christian faith, this “mistake” was made for a reason. The specific date of December 25 was chosen by earlier Christians in an effort to subvert popular pagan rituals associated with the day. An article on Christianity Today’s website explains:

“The eventual choice of December 25, made perhaps as early as 273, reflects a convergence of Origen’s concern about pagan gods and the church’s identification of God’s son with the celestial sun. December 25 already hosted two other related festivals: natalis solis invicti (the Roman “birth of the unconquered sun”), and the birthday of Mithras, the Iranian “Sun of Righteousness” whose worship was popular with Roman soldiers. The winter solstice, another celebration of the sun, fell just a few days earlier. Seeing that pagans were already exalting deities with some parallels to the true deity, church leaders decided to commandeer the date and introduce a new festival.

Western Christians first celebrated Christmas on December 25 in 336, after Emperor Constantine had declared Christianity the empire’s favored religion.” (“Why December 25, Elesha Coffman, Christianity Today, Aug. 8, 2008)

Why not aim for accuracy? Why choose a date so glaringly wrong? As one atheist critic put it, “What religion celebrates the birth of its leader 4 months early?” Although the answer to that question is partially provided by the above excerpt, the full answer comes from understanding WHY Christians celebrate Christmas at all. After all, Christians have not always done so.

To understand why Christians celebrate Christmas, you have to understand the role of Christmas in the larger life of the church. If you were raised in a Baptist or non-denominational church, then you probably grew up celebrating TWO main holidays each year: Christmas and Easter. However, you are also in the minority. For hundreds of years, Christians have observed numerous seasons of Christian holidays all year round. You may have heard of terms  like “Advent” or “Lent” without knowing what they meant, but they compose what is commonly known as the Christian Year.

The Christian Year is a calendar of Christian seasons that trace the life of Jesus. It begins with Advent, the season of preparation for Christmas. And as the Christian Year progresses, Christians remember the life of Christ. They prepare for his birth, celebrate his life, prepare for his death, mourn his crucifixion, and celebrate his resurrection. As Christians, we are called to follow the path of Christ, and the Christian Year is a brilliant way of helping us to do so. Every single year, Christians throughout the world embark on a year-long, spiritual journey that follows the life of Jesus. With the help of the Christian calendar, Christians train themselves to remember Jesus’ whole life, and live it out accordingly.

I love this idea, and it’s one of the old church traditions that I wish evangelical churches embraced with greater consistency. It’s also the reason I am posting this today. Having just finished Christmas, we sit near the beginning of the Christian Year. Rather than take a break until Easter, this season sets us on a journey of remembering the scope of Christ’s life.

So if the Christian Year sounds interesting to you and you would like to learn more, below is a brief outline of what it means. If you would like to join your Christian brothers and sisters who trace the path of Christ each year, I encourage you to start out by picking one season this year to study and learn more about. A good one to choose is Lent, which you may have already heard about. During Lent, Christians prepare for Easter by fasting and repenting over the sin that crucified Christ. Lent is a dark season, but it is also a powerful one!

Remember, the old traditions of the church may feel unfamiliar but they were a valuable part of discipleship for ancient Christians. You may not celebrate all the same traditions today, but Christmas is a vestige of those long-established practices. We celebrate Christmas, not because December 25th is a special day, but because we are forgetful people who lose the beauty of grace if we do not intentionally remember it each year. Christmas is just one day in the year-long discipline of remembering.

The Christian Year (excerpted from christianitysite.com)

• Advent: The four weeks before Christmas are a preparation time for the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus. The color purple symbolizes penitence and a readiness to learn. The first Sunday of Advent is the Christian New Years Day.
• Christmas: (Nativity of the Lord) Remembrance of the birth of Jesus Christ, the coming of Creator God into the midst of the human family. The colors of gold and white symbolize a festival time.
• Epiphany: January 6, through the beginning of Lent, remembers the visit of the Magi to the infant Jesus. The word itself means “revelation,” and the day not only celebrates God’s self-revelation through the birth of Jesus but also commemorates God’s revelation to the Gentiles (as symbolized by the magi).
• Lent: This 40 day event is a time of fasting in imitation of Jesus’ experience in the wilderness of temptation. It is a time of preparation for Easter and  of repentance by people.
• Holy Week: The days between Palm Sunday and Holy Saturday before Easter are known as Holy Week. These days observe the events in the life of Jesus from his entry into Jerusalem through his crucifixion and burial. Palm Sunday is sometimes called Passion Sunday because of the tragic events of the week to come. The primary observances of Holy Week are: Maundy Thursday (remembering the Last Supper); Good Friday (the passion and death of Jesus); and Holy Saturday (the burial of Jesus).
• Easter: The principal and most ancient festival of the Christian church year is Easter. It is a celebration of Christ’s resurrection, his victory over sin and death. Each Sunday is also a weekly celebration of the resurrection of Christ.
• Pentecost: This is a celebration of the coming of the Holy Spirit to a gathering of believers shortly after the resurrection and ascension of Jesus. The festival is observed 50 days after Easter. The day takes place on the Jewish day of Pentecost, thanksgiving for the first fruits of the wheat harvest. Pentecost signaled the birth of the Christian church, which has in turn led some Christians to celebrate the day with baptims. Pentecost begins on Sunday and continues through the Saturday before Trinity Sunday.

When it comes to makeup, I’m the kind of girl who has managed to get by with the most meager knowledge of how to wear it. I know the basics, but anything venturing near the realm of real makeup competence is beyond my skill level. I wear just enough to cover up the circles under my eyes without flirting with the risk of “clown face.”

Even so, I was incredibly convicted by something I discovered in my research last week. I’ve been studying the work of Maria Harris, a Catholic professor of religious education who wrote a lot about female spirituality. In her book Dance of the Spirit, she challenges women with the following words:

“Possibly the suggestion that we take off our makeup, or go outside without it, creates a feeling close to panic. (“Oh God, no”) If we react that way, it may be we are shocked by the suggestion that we allow someone else to see us as we actually are.”

Harris then adds,

“I know. I wear makeup. But I marvel at women who go without it, and I notice how comfortable men are in public without it. And I wonder what our doing away with it, not all the time but on occasion, as an experiment, might do in awakening our spirituality. After all, in West Side Story, Maria didn’t sing, ‘I look pretty.’ She sang, ‘I feel pretty.’”

Harris then goes on to describe other forms of makeup that we wear to hide ourselves, such as the facial expressions we don to mask what we’re truly feeling. Those of us who are driven by the need to people please are prone to behave as expected, even if our hearts and minds would have us do otherwise.

But no matter what kind of makeup you use to hide who you really are, I am inspired by Harris’ charge to occasionally step out from behind those veils. I also appreciate her balanced approach–rather than condemning all makeup as an evil itself, she encourages women to keep it in check. From time to time, take off your makeup and go out in public–it is a quick indicator of where your confidence lies!

In fact, I decided to make an experiment out of this idea. A couple days ago Ike and his family had planned to spend the day Christmas shopping, so I made the decision to leave the house without an ounce of makeup on my face. I valiantly descended the stairs as I announced, “Today I am going out without makeup on as an act of Christian discipleship!” (My husband understandably rolled his eyes. It was the appropriate response.)

However, my confidence faltered as soon as I walked in the first store. I kept wanting to tell the sales people, “I don’t normally look like this.” As if they even cared! Goodness, what an eye-opening experience it was! Eventually I adjusted to the change, but the whole time I kept asking myself, “Why do I feel so naked without makeup?”

As I pondered my makeup crutch, I was reminded of 1 Peter 3:3-4 which says,

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

True beauty, as God defines it here, takes a lot of work. Worldly beauty does not. And yet, I spend most of my time cultivating worldly beauty instead of godly beauty. Which is why I feel so naked when my worldly beauty is taken away–I am not confident in my spiritual beauty because I haven’t invested the same amount of time into it.

For another clue as to why I feel so naked without makeup, I need only look to my ancestral sister, Eve. When sin entered the world she immediately felt naked and ashamed, so she tried to cover herself. Thousands of years later I continue to feel that shame about who God created me to be, focusing on my faults instead of rejoicing in the divine image written into my being. As Harris said above, I am afraid for people to see me as I really am, even though God Himself created me this way.

So I challenge you to try this experiment yourself. For some of you this isn’t much of a challenge because you’re one of the glorious few who can leave the house without a shred of eye-liner or mascara and feel totally beautiful. I admire you! But for the rest of you who draw confidence from your makeup, pick a day to shed your makeup and then study your heart in the process. See what you discover and even report back here. I would love to hear what you learn!

The only reason my apartment is clean right now is because my parents came to visit this weekend. About 12 hours prior to their arrival there were books strewn across every table surface, and dishes piled up in the sink. And while I normally HATE to live that way, it was the end of the semester and my husband and I were in crunch time. There were about 20 things more important and more urgent to us than cleaning our apartment.

I don’t know about you but whenever life gets particularly hectic, the organization of my home goes into decline. Sometimes that messiness is a red flag that I am over-committed–you know you’re over-booked when hygiene takes a backseat! However, those piles of books and dirty dishes are not always a red flag. Sometimes I have to sacrifice having an immaculate home in order to do the things that God has called me to. And on those days (or weeks) I take comfort from the following verse from Proverbs 14:4–

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.

This verse has multiple levels of meaning, but it is essentially about weighing our options when deciding how to spend our time. On the one hand, a farmer could choose to have a pristine barn where he doesn’t have to take care of dirty, expensive oxen. But then he wouldn’t make any money. He wouldn’t have the time or resources to harvest a crop. So he has a choice to make: Clean manger, or productive farm?

The reason I love this verse is that it has a special message to women who measure their value and effectiveness upon the perfection of their home. But before I get into that, let me be clear that this verse is not devaluing hygiene–your kids shouldn’t be contracting salmonella from your countertops, and you don’t want to attract critters with all the food crumbs lying about!. We are indeed called to be good stewards of our home. That said, there are also times when we need to lay down our Martha Stewart ambitions at the altar of God and spend our time doing His work–maybe having coffee with a younger woman who needs your encouragement, or planning a small group Bible study lesson, or simply spending time in prayer and reading His Word.

The point is that while a clean house isn’t a bad thing, it is not always a reflection of one’s effectiveness as a godly servant. The harvest of “abundant crops” can often be messy work, so it’s important to measure ourselves according to God’s standards, not the world’s. So whenever you feel overwhelmed and inadequate because there is dust on the shelves and a water ring around your toilet bowl, I think a modern day rendering of Proverbs 14:4 might read as follows:

Where there are no children or ministry commitments, the home is clean. But abundant crops come through faithful parenting and diligent service to God’s church.

Last year I wrote a post that opened the debate about whether or not to tell your kids about Santa Claus. The topic was actually just a minor part of the post itself, but in that short paragraph I managed to totally scandalize my parents, who later left me sarcastic voicemails about how unfortunate my chidlhood must have been. Apparently my declaration that “When I was little and discovered that my parents had been lying to me my ENTIRE LIFE about Santa Claus, I felt very much betrayed” was a little dramatic. So, my apologies to my WONDERFUL parents who I love more than words can express! But, the problem nevertheless remains: To Santa or not to Santa?

Last year a number of readers posted some helpful comments, and feel free to post more of your family traditions here now. However the reason I am revisiting this topic is that I just read a great article by Mark Driscoll on this very issue. In it he describes his own family’s tradition, and his conclusions not only reflect a lot of my own feelings on the subject, but he also seems to reach a truly balanced solution. Here is one helpful excerpt:

Tis the season . . . for parents to decide if they will tell the truth about Santa.

When it comes to cultural issues like Santa, Christians have three options: (1) we can reject it, (2) we can receive it, or (3) we can redeem it.

Since Santa is so pervasive in our culture, it is nearly impossible to simply reject Santa as part of our annual cultural landscape. Still, as parents we don’t feel we can simply receive the entire story of Santa because there is a lot of myth built on top of a true story.

So, as the parents of five children, Grace and I have taken the third position to redeem Santa. We tell our kids that he was a real person who did live a long time ago. We also explain how people dress up as Santa and pretend to be him for fun, kind of like how young children like to dress up as pirates, princesses, superheroes, and a host of other people, real and imaginary. We explain how, in addition to the actual story of Santa, a lot of other stories have been added (e.g., flying reindeer, living in the North Pole, delivering presents to every child in one night) so that Santa is a combination of true and make-believe stories.

We do not, however, demonize Santa. Dressing up, having fun, and using the imagination God gave can be an act of holy worship and is something that, frankly, a lot of adults need to learn from children.

What we are concerned about, though, is lying to our children. We teach them that they can always trust us because we will tell them the truth and not lie to them. Conversely, we ask that they be honest with us and never lie. Since we also teach our children that Jesus is a real person who did perform real miracles, our fear is that if we teach them fanciful, make-believe stories as truth, it could erode confidence in our truthfulness where it really matters. So, we distinguish between lies, secrets, surprises, and pretend for our kids. We ask them not to tell lies or keep secrets, but do teach them that some surprises (like gift-giving) and pretending (like dressing up) can be fun and should be encouraged. We tell them the truth and encourage them to have fun watching Christmas shows on television and even sitting on Santa’s lap for a holiday photo if they so desire. For parents of younger children wanting them to learn the real story of Santa Claus the Veggie Tales movie Saint Nicholas is a good choice.

To read the whole article, which includes a brief history of the person of Saint Nicholas, click here.

So what do you think? Agree? Disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Well it’s the end of the semester which means it’s crunch time for my school work! I had fully intended to sit down and write a new post tonight, but about 60 seconds after opening my lap top I realized that wouldn’t be possible. I have got to go to bed! Instead, I am re-posting a blog I wrote this time last year. I think it’s a fitting message during this season of Advent, and I hope it will be a source of life-giving reflection as you seek to keep the proper focus this Christmas. And I promise to have a brand new post up in a few days!

On a completely unrelated note, one of my former Bible study girls is currently in Haiti helping with the cholera outbreak, and they are in desperate need of financial aid. If you’re interested in helping the people of Haiti during this Christmas season, click here for more info.

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Luke 1 is where we find the traditional story of Mary’s virgin pregnancy. In this chapter, the angel Gabriel comes to Mary and informs her of God’s plans. We then read Mary’s response in verses 46-55, where she proclaims what is often referred to as “Mary’s Song.”

If you read almost any commentary or book about this portion of Scripture, you are going to find one thing: A glowing commendation of Mary’s faith. In the face of such unexpected news, Mary bursts out in song proclaiming the goodness of God. She makes statements such as:

“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior” (v. 46-47)

“From now on all generations will call me blessed” (v. 48)

“For the Mighty One has done great things for me” (v. 49)

She is only 13 or 14, she could be cast out of her family and abandoned by Joseph for being pregnant out of wedlock, and she is facing life as a single mother. Yet she responds with such amazing worship of God! Clearly a faithful woman deserving of praise.

However I have to admit–I can’t really relate to that Mary. According to most interpretations, she is too faithful to be afraid. That’s why we admire her so. But where is the humanity in that interpretation? Even Jesus felt fear in Gethsemane. Was Mary really impervious to the doubts that most of us would have experienced in her situation?

I don’t think so. And here’s why:

It’s important to know that Mary’s Song is not original to her. She is actually repeating Scripture found in 1 Samuel 2, also known as Hannah’s Song. Though not identical, it is obvious that Mary is intimately familiar with the passage and is calling on it now.

The reason this is significant is that Mary’s Song is not an eruption of spontaneous praise. There words and thoughts are not necessarily an overflow of her heart. She is instead speaking of what she knows the be true about God, even if she doesn’t feel it.

Mary is engaging in an act of discipline. She is actively conforming her heart to her mind. She knows God has been faithful in the past and will continue to be so in the future, but it will probably take her heart awhile to catch up with that knowledge. Until then, she preaches to herself the truths of Scripture. They comfort her at a time when her entire future is totally unknown.

That is a Mary I not only relate to, but can learn from. Mary’s faithfulness is not displayed by her blind joy but her discipline and perseverance in the face of fear and doubt. Tim Keller once described this very type of Scriptural meditation as follows: “Meditation is an inward dialogue with oneself…It means taking your heart in hand, reasoning with it and exhorting it until it becomes engaged in blessing and rejoicing in God. We are not helpless before our emotions, sometimes almost pummeling them into submission.”

The Christmas story is one of hope, yes, but it’s also a story of waiting. Mary was given a promise, but the fulfillment of that promise was yet to come. We will often find ourselves in that same place. God has promised us hope and salvation, but we still live in a world of brokenness, pain and frustration. So as we dwell in this place of waiting, we must respond as Mary did–meditate on the truth of God that we have in Scripture. The same God who delivered the Israelites and the same God who delivered Mary will also deliver us. We must be actively speaking that truth into our hearts every day.

Five or six years ago I ran across an article that I will never forget. It detailed the plight of a pastor in China who had been imprisoned dozens of times for preaching the Gospel in house churches around his region. He had been captured so many times, in fact, that he always carried a duffle bag with a change of clothes in it wherever he went. However, what truly haunted me about this man’s story was his punishment in those Chinese prisons. Many times he was placed on a factory line where he was forced to make thousands of Christmas lights to be sold in the United States.

I was unable to find the original article, but christianity.com has posted the following information about Christians who continue to suffer the same persecution:

For many in the United States, Christmas lights are a nice way to decorate for the holidays and brighten the dreariness of winter. To some, they serve as a reminder of the light in the world as a result of our Savior’s birth.

WorldServe Ministries hopes that these decorations will also prompt believers to pray for more than 1,000 imprisoned Christians in China.

As we buy our Christmas lights, few of us notice the “made in China” tag that is attached. Even fewer know that to benefit China’s economy, the lights were probably made by persecuted prisoners, many of whom are Christian pastors.

According to WorldServe Ministries, pastors are subject to severe conditions and brutal beatings. Many are forced to work 16-20 hours each day assembling strands of Christmas lights. This is done without tools, causing their fingers and hands to bleed from threading the tiny wires through plastic holders and fitting in the plastic bulbs – with a quota of 5,000 bulbs per day.

If their work is not satisfactory, they are beaten and forced to re-do the work in addition to the next day’s quota.

This story is yet another good reason to shop fair trade so that we aren’t supporting these abuses, but it is also a powerful reminder. A popular verse at Christmas time is Isaiah 9:2 which reads,

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined.

During the Christmas season we love to celebrate the “light” of which this verse speaks, but the above story also compels us to remember the darkness. We live in a dark world where followers of Jesus continue to be persecuted and killed for their faith. And while we don’t like to think about such a somber topic during this season, the darkness is what makes the light so bright. And good.

So yes, celebrate and rejoice! It is good to remember the birth of Christ and to praise God with happy festivities and moments of quiet awe. But let’s also remember those who cannot celebrate so freely. Pray for your brothers and sisters this Christmas who are fighting the good fight in very dark places. When you see the lights on your tree, remember the light of Christ, but also remember the darkness that he came to conquer, as well as your own important role in that battle.

Alright, it’s honesty time. In the spirit of being transparent about my own short-comings I hope you don’t think I’m a big fat jerk! So here goes…

One of the things that I have to actively resist doing on a fairly regular basis is criticizing other women who dress inappropriately. It’s so tempting to snicker in my husband’s ear whenever a woman comes to a wedding dressed like she just came from the club. I’m also prone to the exaggerated eye roll when we’re standing in line behind a woman wearing a shirt that is at LEAST two sizes too small.

Sadly, the primary reason I DON’T make these comments is that I know how unattractive it is to my husband. Unless there is something overtly comical about the situation, he usually just ignores my comments. As a result, my mean-hearted nature is reined in, not by my desire to honor God, but by my desire not to look pathetic.

It’s funny how these elementary school behaviors follow us into adulthood. It wasn’t so long ago that my mom comforted my 7 year-old self saying, “Those girls are tearing you down just to make themselves feel better about themselves!” Twenty years later, it’s still happening. And my mom was totally right–as much as I would like to say that my comments are an expression of righteous indignation, they’re just a sign of insecurity.

While there is no part of me that wants to be the hoochie mama at the wedding, I DO want to know that my husband is still attracted to me. I want to know that he sees right through that kind of exterior and values my godly character more highly. I want to be reassured that he appreciates my modesty and my desire to honor him in the way I carry myself. So I use mean-spirited comments to provoke the affirmation I crave. That makes TOTAL sense, right?

The temptation to make sarcastic comments about another woman’s outfit, shoes, hair, cleavage, etc. is a clear indicator of a deeper issue. After all, what did that woman ever do to you? Such displays of competitive behavior reveal an underlying insecurity about ourselves, and it’s important to grapple with them. What is causing you to feel insecure? Why do you need your husband or boyfriend to recognize another woman’s short-comings? What are you relying on for confidence instead of God? These are all important questions to consider before mouthing off about another woman.

But before I close, I want to end with a special word to my guy readers. I understand that female cattiness is ugly and ridiculous and we need to cut it out. However, you can also help us. From the time we are single, Christian women are confronted with a great divide between what guys say they want in a Christian girl, and the girls they actually pursue. I have a distinct memory of sitting outside a Sunday School room listening to a bunch of guys go on and on about a popular busty, blonde pop star, crowing about how “smokin’ hot” she was. In one fell blow, my efforts to have a beautiful character were reduced to smithereens. They felt meaningless.

And that feeling doesn’t necessarily go away in marriage. While my husband doesn’t talk about all the actresses he finds attractive, I know that I don’t look like them. And that makes me sometimes wonder if he wishes that I did.

The onslaught of unrealistic standards of beauty does not go away when you get married. As long as we live in this culture it will be ever-present for every woman. And while it is the primary responsibility of a Christian woman to rest in her Creator’s arms and trust that He made her perfectly, we still need our brothers’ help. Whether you are single or married, make sure you are affirming the significant women in your life. Tell them they’re beautiful, but more importantly compliment their character.

I’ll end with the below verse that is one of my favorites. It is a convicting reminder when faced with the temptation to slander another woman. Not only does it remind me of the kind of woman I should be, but that I should affirm my sisters with praise instead of tearing them down with sarcasm.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

- Proverbs 31:30

A couple months ago Ike and I realized that we’re probably going to be in the Chicago area for awhile, so we began to pray about buying our first house. Since then, we have visited a lot of condos and townhouses, run the numbers and talked through what we can/should buy.

The whole process has been an eye-opening experience for me. Before this journey began, when I looked at houses I would see  them in terms of personal preference; now I just see dollar signs. And in some ways that change of perspective is symbolic of the temptations this process holds. Houses easily become status symbols since other home-buyers have a fairly good idea of what you spent. And while I never thought I would be affected by that dynamic, I have noticed a subtle pressure to stretch our money as far as it can possibly go.

As I have examined my heart in all of this, I have noticed some old idols from the past that I thought I’d left behind. In particular, it’s striking to me how similar home-buying is to dating. Inherent in both is the temptation to get carried away by my imagination about the future. And as a result of this day-dreaming and planning, my heart slowly wraps itself around those future plans and begins to depend on them for joy and satisfaction. In the past, I drew confidence and security from my relationship status and the future I thought it would provide me. Today, I am tempted to draw similar confidence and security from owning a beautiful home, especially one that others would envy.

It’s kind of funny to me that these two completely separate pursuits are fraught with the same temptations. But it should not be surprising. That is the nature of any “pursuit” that requires such time and personal investment. When you pour yourself, your future and your schedule into any one person or activity, it’s easy to lose your point of reference. The thing you would “like” morphs into something you “need” and then something you “can’t live without.” And when this happens, your initially well-intentioned pursuit succumbs to blatant idolatry.

So whether you are currently in the process of dating, buying a home, designing the perfect nursery or picking a school for your kids, be aware of the pitfalls inherent in these pursuits. As John Calvin once said, our hearts are like “idol factories” that constantly search after something other than God for security, confidence, peace and joy. So check your heart and be honest about your motives. What is driving you? What is your source of refuge and hope? Is there any part of your pursuit that is driven by a desire to make others jealous? Are you spending your time and money in a way that still enables you to be generous to God and others? And most importantly, if you fail to obtain the object of your pursuit, is Christ still enough for you? I’ve had to continually ask myself those questions throughout this process, and I suspect I will continue to the rest of my life.

This week I happened upon a news story about the above billboard–posted in New Jersey by the atheist advocacy group American Atheists–and the subsequent backlash that ensued. As you look at this billboard (you can click on it for a larger view), I want you to pause for a moment and reflect on your feelings about it. What kind of a personal reaction does this billboard cause?

If you’re anything like me, your feelings are probably a mix between anger and hurt. After all, Christmas is such an innocent season of hope and goodwill. My observance of Christmas is a positive one, not an aggressive or angry one, so the attack feels completely unwarranted.

However, almost as soon as I processed those thoughts my mind immediately turned to this convicting counter-point: My feelings are probably similar to those felt by non-Christians when they see Christian billboards commanding them to repent. The spirit of these two types of billboards is not so different.

The reality is that every religion or system of beliefs has within its ranks a visible few who steal the spotlight with their over-the-top behavior and offensive tactics. Atheism is certainly no exception, as self-righteousness and anger are common human conditions that plague us all.  And that is a perspective I have to keep in mind when faced with situations like this one. To borrow the language of the billboard, this perspective is the “reasonable” response.

But what is the Christian response? That is the real question I need to ask. While reason tells me to keep a cool head, the Gospel of Christ tells me to go even further. Consider Matthew 5:38-45:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.”

It’s easy to forget how difficult it is to follow Christ. Jesus’ words sound great in theory, but my true feelings are quickly revealed with just the slightest bit of provocation. While it is tempting to respond tit-for-tat in these situations, a response of grace, love and gentleness is the real sign of faithfulness to God. Anyone can argue loudly but very few, when slapped on the cheek, will turn to have the other slapped also.

As we enter this Christmas season, remembering in quiet awe the miracle of Jesus’ birth, let’s not forget that the Incarnation is also a map for Christian living. God humbled Himself and became a man, suffering the persecution of a broken world when He deserved nothing but eternal glory. Blessedly, we are transformed by that act of grace, and we are to be a similar means of grace in the lives of others. When we feel unfairly attacked or judged, we are free from the burden of defending ourselves and are instead compelled to love in radical ways. I can think of no response more fitting as I celebrate this happy season.