The other day I was having lunch with one of my good friends and she asked me how I was doing. I smiled and told her, “I’m actually doing really well! In fact, this is probably the happiest I’ve ever been!” No sooner did those words escape my lips than my smile changed into a frown of concern as I exclaimed, “I hope it’s not because I’m married!”

I know I’m probably the first woman in the history of the world to utter that phrase. But the idea that getting married would suddenly impact my happiness so profoundly is kind of disturbing to me. If you’d read my blog for any amount of time, you know that idea goes against a lot of what I believe theologically. No person or event should satisfy us in the way that God does. If my quality of life is dramatically improved as a result of marriage, is that an indicator of some unseen idol in my life? Have I been deluding myself all along?

Now obviously it’s a good thing to be married. And this should be a happy time in my life. I should be living it up, as a number of my single friends have reminded me. But in all honesty as much as I do love being married, I don’t think that’s the ultimate source of my extreme happiness. The reason things have been so good lately is that right about the time I got married, I also quit almost everything I was involved with.

Ever since I was in high school I have been over-committed. I’ve been leading too many things for way too long, and I literally haven’t taken a season for myself in 10 years. I think it all culminated this past year when I was a campus minister leading two small groups in 2 different cities and planning a wedding. I was pouring myself out without allowing any time to fill myself up, and I hit a wall. If my life was a line graph, you would have seen a steady decline of spiritual output in 2008-2009, which ultimately ended in a crash. It’s like my spiritual life was mirroring the economy.

So I decided it was time to do some pruning. I quite my job, quit leading my small groups, quit discipling, quit everything. I started from square one. I made up my mind to have very few commitments, so I joined a small group, took on a less intense servant role at my church, and most importantly carved out a very strict Sabbath.

And let me tell you, it has been awesome. The last several years of my life have been defined by a kind of spiritual winter. It’s not that I couldn’t ever feel God, but I wasn’t really growing either. I felt dormant. This is the first time in years that I’ve begun to see the first little signs of spring popping up. I see touches of green everywhere.

It’s funny because this is so unlike me. I am over-committed girl. I tend to cram as much into my day as possible. In my mind, quantity equals effectiveness. The more I do the more I get done. The problem is that the quality was going down the tubes. It’s kind of like my husband’s insistence that he doesn’t need sleep before an exam. He studies all through the night because he thinks that the more time he spends studying, the more he’ll know for the test. In reality, studies show that a good night’s rest is actually more effective than cramming. If your brain is too tired to process the info, the info is worthless.

It’s the same for us spiritually. If our minds and bodies are too tired to process and live out the faith we profess, then we won’t be good for much at all. Plus, whenever I’m busy the first thing I usually cut out is my quiet time. Martin Luther once said that he had to spend 4 hours in prayer each morning BECAUSE he was so busy, and he was exactly right. The more I do, the MORE I need God to sustain me. It’s irrational that I would do the opposite.

So as someone who has crawled out from under the pile of over-commitment and seen the light of day, I have to tell you that it looks pretty good. I’m not as stressed, the quality of everything I do is better, and most importantly I’m recovering my intimacy with God. Don’t pressure yourself to do more than you should. Not only will the quality of your output suffer, but your witness will too. You’ll become tired, grumpy, and lacking in patience. The Gospel deserves better, so take care of yourself. It’s an investment in the Kingdom.

When I’m being completely honest with myself, I have to admit that I doubt my faith and the whole premise of Christianity a lot. I don’t know if it’s my over-analytical mind, or if faith just doesn’t come as easy to me, but I tend to wonder if this whole Christian thing is pure lunacy, and I do so on about a weekly basis.

Most of the time, the main cause of my doubts is an inability to feel the presence of God. When I was in college I grew like crazy and it was a very exciting time for me spiritually. I could feel God everywhere in everything, and my thirst for Him was nearly unquenchable. But I haven’t felt that way in a long time, and it’s during those time when I feel the least connected to God that I really begin to wonder if He’s even there at all.

During these times, I come before God in near despair asking, “Why? Why does it have to be so hard? Why can’t you just make your presence known to me?” I feel frustrated and helpless, yet I trudge on obediently, knowing this is merely a time of wilderness.

However, I have begun to detect a pattern in these times of spiritual alienation. They are not random. There is almost certainly a common denominator to them. The strength of my Christian walk and the degree to which I can feel God’s presence in my life is almost always proportionate to my spiritual self-discipline. If my time in the Word and prayer has been inconsistent for awhile, if I don’t have a consistent group of women who are encouraging me and pouring into me, or if I’m not worshipping regularly, I feel further and further from God. There are exceptions to this, of course. In times of tragedy or depression I have felt isolated from God as well, despite my time in His Word. But overall, this has consistently been the rule.

This pattern become clear to me today as I reflected on Scripture verses that challenge us to seek and search for the Lord:

Proverbs 2:4-5–If you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God.

Matthew 6:33–But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 7:7–Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

As a Christian, I tend to assume that the “searching for God” portion of the process ended the day I got saved. I don’t need to search anymore. I found Him.

But therein lies my problem. While the Holy Spirit does dwell within me, God has designed us to access Him in other ways as well–through His Word, through prayer, and through His Church. When we fail to seek Him and relate with Him using all the resources by which He promised to make His spirit known to us, then we shouldn’t be surprised if we begin to feel isolated. God isn’t pulling away–we are.

What’s more, there is no quick fix to this problem. If you’re reading this and you realize that you’ve felt somewhat estranged from God because you’ve neglected the means by which He has promised to make Himself known to us, you can’t solve the problem with one really good quiet time tomorrow morning. One, single day of obedience cannot repair weeks, months, or years of neglect. Numerous military wives report that when their husbands return from duty, there’s an adjustment period in which they have to rebuild parts of their marriage relationship, remembering what’s familiar, how to live with one another, etc. It is the same with God. The difficulty in rebuilding closeness with God is not His way of spiting you for being lazy. It simply takes time to restore Him to the center of your life. You need that time to transform yourself.

So if you find yourself struggling to discern the presence of God, if your faith feels empty or someone fake, ask yourself how your time in the Word and prayer is going. Are you a member of a local church that you attend regularly? Do you have Christians friends there who know you and can encourage you?

For some of you, you can answer “yes” to all of those questions and yet you still feel alienated from God. In your case, I would seek counsel from your pastor since he can get a better idea of what’s going on in your life. But no matter the reason, remember to never stop searching for God. He gave us His Word and His Church for a reason–they are to be an ever-living source of spiritual refreshment and truth in our lives, but we must use them.

Right now I am in the throes of a massive head cold, so I’ve decided to depart from my usual quasi-intellectualism and write about something that’s a little bit more at my current functioning capacity. Bear with me.

(And my apologies to those of you who are offended at the use of the word “poop,” or if you’re like my friend Joe, who is utterly disgusted by girls who make any kind of reference to this bodily function.)

As we all know, most dating relationships go through a series of stages of comfortability. There’s the stage in which you will let your boyfriend see you wearing sweats, when you let him see you without make-up, when you let him kiss you before you’ve brushed your teeth, etc.

But perhaps one of the ultimate relationship benchmarks is the Smelly Bathroom stage. Prior to this stage, you will do whatever it takes to fool your significant other into thinking that you simply do not produce the Big Number 2. You will go across the street, find a bathroom in another part of the building, house, or apartment, or if you don’t have that option, you’ll turn on the bathroom fan and run some water. Or for those of us who are really ashamed, we’ll hold it…much to the dismay of our intestinal tract.

But eventually there comes a point at which you quit putting on the charade, and you just go for it. Sometimes this happens with your foreknowledge, other times you are so desperate that you have no choice and mother nature forces you.

But whatever the circumstances, you reach a point at which you are no longer ashamed in the way you used to be. You have now owned up to the reality that you do in fact poop, and amazingly your boyfriend is still attracted to you, so you have a new level of connectedness and acceptance that you didn’t have before.

What is truly ironic about this whole process is the shame and embarrassment that we associate with this bodily function, even though EVERYBODY does it. Why is it that we feel the need to pretend that we are the only human being in the history of time that doesn’t have to do this? Why aren’t we comfortable with the reality that it’s a normal part of life?

When you get right down to it, everyone poops. And not only that, but everyone’s poop pretty much looks exactly the same (unless you’ve had one of those cheesy burritos from Taco Bell…but let’s not make rules based upon exceptions). We all do it, so what’s the big deal?

Well I got to thinking about this, and I had a striking realization–we engage in the same game of pretend when it comes to sin. Just like the inevitability of an occasional poop, everybody sins. With the exception of Christ, there has never been a single person on earth who has lived a sinless life. Yet we carry on these charades, acting as if we don’t sin, and being ashamed and embarrassed that someone might find us out. In the same way that we’ll run across the street just to find a toilet, we’ll go to extreme measures to hide the sin in our lives, even from the people with whom we are closest.

And this secrecy keeps us in bondage. We are constantly trying to position our lives in such a way that will hide the unattractive parts. But that is no way to live, and it only contributes to a much larger trend in which ALL people think they’re the only ones.

So we need to start being honest about the fact that everyone sins. And just like poop, our sin pretty much looks the same. Scripture tells us that we have not endured any temptation that is uncommon to man (1 Cor. 10:13), so while you may secretly believe that you’re a particularly bad person, God would have to disagree. We are all equally fallen, and all in need of grace, so let’s start talking about it.

Once we create a community in which we can be open about our sin, we might just experience an effect that is similar to the “smelly bathroom” stage of a dating relationship–yes it’s gross, but you are still loved and accepted anyway. That’s a good place to be.

And thus concludes my head-cold inspired writing. I hope you enjoyed it. I will return to my regular standard of thinking and maturity in a few shorts days.

More often than I would expect, I hear break-up stories from my college students that will go something like this…

Alex and Sarah have been dating for 2 years, and even though they’re only 19 years old, they’re already talking about marriage. Everything seems just perfect! Then one summer Alex and Sarah are apart for a few months, and during that time Sarah finds a guy that she likes better than Alex, so she hooks up with him.

Alex and Sarah eventually break up, and Alex is left completely heart-broken. But strangely enough, if you ask Alex about Sarah he still maintains that she’s a nice girl. Even though Sarah has totally crushed Alex and treated him badly along the way, he says that she really is a “good Christian.” She may have made a mistake, but she’s still the most amazing woman he’s ever met! And what’s even more miraculous is that he was able to forgive her almost as soon as she told him the bad news. That’s how much he loves her.

Whenever I hear this story, I feel somewhat conflicted about how to respond. After all, we ministers are supposed to encourage forgiveness, not warn against it. However, this poor guy is setting himself up to get hurt again, and I can’t encourage him to do that either.

So the question is, what is really going on here?

The problem in Alex’s thinking is that he’s failed to draw a distinction between forgiveness and trust. One of the best examples of this difference can be found in the life of Joseph in Genesis 44. After having been betrayed by his brothers and later reunited with them in Egypt, Joseph’s brothers don’t recognize their successful younger sibling. So Joseph decides to send them on a little misadventure. He frames them for stealing and threatens to throw one brother in jail, all the while observing their responses.

After leading them through this trickery, Joseph discovers that their hearts have indeed changed, so he reveals himself to them and they all live happily after.

The story has a very happy ending, and is especially encouraging to read when we go through the dark times in our lives, but what was up with the deception and manipulation at the end? Was that really necessary? It seems like Joseph was almost toying with his brothers just to get back at them.

While I cannot know the heart of Joseph, I suspect there was a lot more to his motives than simple vengeance. On the contrary, Joseph was testing them–not to determine whether he should forgive them, but whether he should trust them. He was learning whether or not he should let them back into his life, but that is a very different matter from forgiveness.

We know that Joseph had forgiven his brothers because of his response that “what they intended for evil, God intended for good.” His forgiveness was based not on their repentance, but on God’s love. This tells us that Joseph wasn’t acting out of a twisted desire for retribution, but out of wise caution as he took the time to determine whether they were trustworthy.

And this brings us back to the case of Alex and Sarah. When I hear stories like theirs, I wonder if Alex is confusing forgiveness and trust–he may think that he’s forgiven Sarah, but what he’s really experiencing is a desperate desire to get her back, which is leading him to trust her prematurely. He is sure that she’s still a nice girl, and odds are that if she came back wanting to reconcile, he would let her. That does not, however, mean that he’s taken the time to determine if she is trustworthy. On the contrary, his actions reveal that he hasn’t learned anything about her character at all. Nor has he grappled with the hard work of forgiveness…he’s just temporarily blind to it.

Forgiveness and trust are two very different things. While God does call us to forgive everyone, He does not call us to trust everyone. Before we put our confidence and vulnerability in someone who has hurt us, we must first determine if they will be responsible with that vulnerability. And this can only be determined over time.

The problem is that many people will be quick to trust, under the guise of being forgiving. From the outside, it would seem that they’ve already forgotten the injury, but in reality they are naively trusting and hoping for the best. If any forgiveness has taken place, it is based on a hope that the person can change, not based on the sovereignty and love of God.

The distinction is this: forgiveness is based upon God, but trust is based upon the individual. Because God never changes, the command to forgive does not change either. But not all individuals are trustworthy, so if someone breaks your trust, be slow to trust them again. That is something they must earn.

Now there are two different ways that we go about this whole forgiveness process wrongly. The first is what I described above–we think we have forgiven someone because we are so quick to trust them again, but that doesn’t mean forgiveness has actually occurred. Usually that kind of forgiveness is conditional–you have forgiven them under the condition, or at least hope, of reconciliation. But when that reconciliation does not happen, the true nature of your forgiveness will often reveal itself in the form of jadedness or long-festering disdain.

Or, the “forgiveness” is actually just a devaluing of yourself. In romantic relationships in particular, individuals are quick to “forgive” because they don’t think the injury was really all that bad. They are sure that this person is the one for them and that they won’t find anyone else who will love them more, so they “forgive” them, sometimes even thinking that they may have deserved it. This is NOT forgiveness. The only reason forgiveness is even necessary is that a REAL injury has taken place, so a quickness to forgive should not be based on a belittling of the wrong or an underestimation of what you deserve–it should instead be based upon the infinite healing and love of God in the face of these wrongs.

The second error we make is the opposite of the first: Refusing to forgive under the guise of refusing to trust. Though we have not actually forgiven the individual, we hide our anger behind the excuse, “I just can’t trust them anymore.” And while it is fine to wait before you trust someone again, this lack of trust does not legitimize a heart of bitterness or rage. Withholding trust is an intentional action based on wisdom and prudence–refusing forgiveness comes only from a selfish desire to hurt the other.

If someone has hurt you, you will likely find yourself in one of those two places. For some of you, you have been wounded beyond measure and this will be a long process of forgiveness that will take years to mend. For others, you have been wounded but you are so quick to trust that you are foolishly running right back into throes of danger. In both cases, I would encourage you to read the story of Joseph. It provides us with much needed hope during times of great darkness, but it also reminds us of the importance of caution when our hearts tempt us to act unwisely. The God of Joseph is the same God of you now, so be sure that you actions are determined by His unchanging, faithful character, not your circumstances.

You know it’s not very often that a man will commend a woman for her modesty. In fact, it is not often that women hear spiritual praises of any sort from the men in their lives. Instead, women will hear about the importance of being pretty and having a good body or a good sense of humor or not being high maintenance. Even in the company of men who have an active relationship with the Lord, women will still find themselves hearing about how hot or cool the other girls are, often feeling completely overlooked.

Commendations about our own modesty, passion for the Lord, or prayer life–those come few and far between.

With that in mind, I’m kickin it back old school today with an excerpt from the writings of Gregory of Nazianzus. Gregory is a Church Father who lived in the 4th century, and he wrote the below words in memory of his sister, Gorgonia, a valiant woman of the Lord. She managed to navigate the potential distractions of the world, and submit every aspect of her life to Christ in an exemplary way.

As you read this, I want you to remember two things. First is for the guys:

Gentlemen, the qualities here described not only constitute the standard you should seek in a wife, but Gregory’s words also serve as a great example of how to affirm your sisters in Christ. Women need to hear this kind of Christ-centered affirmation, or else we’ll be tempted to place our time, effort, and value in other, more superficial pursuits. Over and over he again he praises her love for Christ–that is exactly what we need to hear.

And to the ladies–this is the kind of language you should expect from your husband, as well as your male friends. Just because a man is a Christian does not mean he is a godly friend to you. When it comes to Christian community, do not put up with men who go to church on Sunday but want to go out and get trashed on the weekends, flirt with you without any intention of acting upon it, or talk about other women in a less than honorable way. You deserve much better, and such constant exposure to this behavior will slowly lower your standards for yourself.

So although these words were penned over 1,500 years ago, Gregory of Nazianzus was in love with Jesus and we can all learn from his legacy, as well as that of his sister.

In modesty she so greatly excelled, and so far surpassed those of her own day, to say nothing of those of old time who have been illustrious for modesty, that, in regard to the two divisions of the life of all, that is, the married and the unmarried state, the latter being higher and more divine, though more difficult and dangerous, while the former is more humble and more safe, she was able to avoid the disadvantages of each, and to select and combine all that is best in both, namely, the elevation of the one and the security of the other, thus becoming modest without pride, blending the excellence of the married with that of the unmarried state, and proving that neither of them absolutely binds us to, or separates us from, God or the world…

For though she had entered upon a carnal union, she was not therefore separated from the spirit, nor, because her husband was her head, did she ignore her first Head: but, performing those few ministrations due to the world and nature, according to the will of the law of the flesh, or rather of Him who gave to the flesh these laws, she consecrated herself entirely to God.

But what is most excellent and honourable, she also won over her husband to her side, and made of him a good fellow-servant, instead of an unreasonable master. And not only so, but she further made the fruit of her body, her children and her children’s children, to be the fruit of her spirit, dedicating to God not her single soul, but the whole family and household, and making wedlock illustrious through her own acceptability in wedlock, and the fair harvest she had reaped thereby; presenting herself, as long as she lived, as an example to her offspring of all that was good, and when summoned hence, leaving her will behind her, as a silent exhortation to her house.

On a final note, I should mention that while women do need godly affirmation from the men in their lives, men need to hear such praises from women as well. If you know men who are passionately following Christ and encourage you in your own walk, be sure to tell them!

This year I’ve found myself talking to my students a LOT about sarcasm. And whenever the topic comes up, I usually mention the following uncomfortable verse from Proverbs 26:18-19:

Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”

Upon citing this verse, I’m frequently met with a reaction of laughing disbelief, something along the lines of, “You can’t possibly be serious!” Most people can’t believe that verse is even in the Bible at all. Sounds a little extreme, right?

Well in typical Bible fashion, the author is right. And he was NOT speaking in hyperbole. This isn’t like the gym teacher in Mean Girls who told the students not to have sex or else they would die. The author isn’t exaggerating just to make a point.

On the contrary, this verse reveals the truly poisonous nature of sarcasm.

I don’t know about you, but I REALLY struggle with sarcasm. It’s one of the main conversational techniques I use to impress others and indicate that I can carry my own in witty conversations. In the past it’s been a significant aspect of my communication with others, and it continues to be.

We justify sarcasm by labeling it as a sign of comradery. We say we can be sarcastic with those to whom we feel closest. According to this logic, sarcasm isn’t a bad thing at all–it’s really an indication of intimacy.

But as the verse in Proverbs reveals, sarcasm isn’t really intimacy at all. It’s a false form of intimacy that masquerades as fellowship. Under the guise of “being comfortable enough to kid,” we replace open, honest conversation with an environment that’s inherently competitive. We encourage a spirit of one-upmanship, highlighting one another’s slip-ups and mistakes for the sake of entertainment and making ourselves look smart.

When sarcasm is allowed to dwell, our friendships are no longer safe places in which individuals can feel free to be vulnerable. That doesn’t mean that vulnerability is altogether absent, but it is less likely, especially when new people join the fold. We may think it’s harmless because all along we’re “only joking,” but in reality we’re short-circuiting any attempt at genuine Christian fellowship.

And that is what sarcasm kills. Sarcasm kills fellowship. And in a larger context, it also poisons ministries. Where sarcasm exists, you are all the more likely to find back-biting and gossip because underneath those jokes, hurt feelings reside. And where hurt feelings have been allowed to fester, they lash out at the first opportunity.

A community can sustain itself on sarcasm for years, but at the nearest sign of trouble those friendships will be tested. When hardship, miscommunication, or disagreement develop, the true mettle of a community will be revealed.

So pardon the pun, but don’t “kid” yourself into thinking that your sarcasm is innocent. The words of Proverbs 26 should dispel any notion of this sort. In reality, sarcasm kills intimacy and it destroys fellowship, so keep that in mind the next time one of your friends accidentally trips and falls on their face, or your spouse drops a glass on the floor. In that moment of vulnerability brought on by obvious imperfection, they need friendship, not an attack disguised as amicable joking.

So I might be the only woman in the whole world who feels this way, but I hate it when women’s ministers talk about how we’re all “princesses.” As soon as that word hits the air, I immediately start imagining girls with bad perms in fluffy pink dresses with giant puffy sleeves stuck in a tower somewhere.

That is not the kind of woman I want to be. I do not want to be a wimpy princess woman.

Having said that, my sub-conscious feminist side was jolted the other day upon reading the story of Abram and Sarai. These two kids started out bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, God’s promise of many children and many blessings sitting at the forefront of their minds. They were ready to take on the world!

But as the years went by, no kids came along. Abram and Sarai were getting older and older, and God’s promise no longer seemed so secure. So Sarai decided to take things into her own hands–she compelled Abram to sleep with her servant, Hagar, to fulfill God’s promise. Hagar got pregnant, and the rest is history.

The result was a complete disaster.

To read the whole story just turn to Genesis 16. If it wasn’t already obvious, it’s a great cautionary tale for wives who want to pawn their husbands off on other men. It generally doesn’t go over well.

But what is most fascinating to me about this story is God’s response. Rather than come down hard on Abram and Sarai, He does just the opposite–He reminds them that he will still fulfill His promise to them, even in spite of their unfaithfulness.

How does he do this? By changing their names. He changes Abram’s name to Abraham, which means “father of many nations.” He also changes Sarai’s name to Sarah, which means “princess.”

Now this move leads us to a very interesting question–why re-name Sarai “princess?” After all, she’d just mucked up the whole situation horribly. Doesn’t she deserve a good talking to? Is God simply letting her off the hook? And why “princess?” Aside from the fact that she wasn’t acting very princessy, could He have at least come up with a slightly cooler name, like Xena Warrior Princess or Shera Princess of Power? Not plain ol’ wimpy princess!

However the reason behind God’s actions are significant and profound, carrying great meaning for women today. And not just the kind that involves puffy sleeves. Picture it this way…

In the weeks following the Hagar debaucle, Sarai’s probably pretty down on herself. She’s just sent Hagar away in the wilderness, so she’s realized that the plan did not pan out the way she anticipated. She is a total screw up, and now she’s worried that she might have thrown away all that God had promised.

So what does God do? He reminds her of one unalterable truth: Sarah may mess up fromt time to time, but her identity remains the same. She will always be the daughter of the King. She will always be a princess.

You see God wasn’t talking about the kind of princess who waits all day long for her prince to arrive while she brushes her golden locks and sings to forest animals. The term “princess” is instead descriptive of her relationship to the King.

To think of it another way, it is kind of like being the President’s daughter. Sasha and Malia get extra special treatment and are watched by the entire country, not because of anything they’ve done, but simply because of who their dad is. What’s more, those girls will not cease to be the President’s daughters if they ever misbehave or embarrass him. No matter what, they will always be President Obama’s daughters, and they will receive the honor that is due that position.

It was the same for Sarah, and it is the same for us. Once you accept Christ, you are the King’s precious daughter. You can screw up and be unfaithful, but your identity will remain the same. You will be His sweet princess, not in a wimpy kind of way, but in a way that declares to the world, “I don’t care what you say about me, and I don’t care about your standards of value or beauty. I am the daughter of the most High King and nothing will ever change that.”

If you ever doubt your identity, your value, or your worth, remember Sarah. In the face of her sin God did not condemn her. He did just the opposite, and He is doing it now for you. You truly are a princess, and I mean that in the most non-cheesy, non-wimpy way possible.

As I have mentioned in several posts before, I am currently in the throes of planning a wedding. It’s fun, but it’s also kind of insane. I never thought it was possible to put this much time and energy into an event that will last only a few hours.

And while the planning process began in excitement and anticipation, it has since taken on a slightly different tone. Rather than simply enjoy the process, I’ve found myself feeling stressed and anxious about it. I’m thinking about wedding details all the time, and I’m almost completely consumed by it. As a result, I’ve been on edge and easily irritated, less patient and more quick to snap at my fiancé.

The reason for this change is two-fold, the first being a loss of focus. As soon as I make this wedding about me and not about God, then the pressure is on. Suddenly I’m bound by the expectations of others, desiring to put on a wedding that’s impressive and extravagant. It must be better than everyone else’s wedding. And if it’s not perfect, all will be ruined.

That is the place that my mind will go if I let it. That is what happens when I forget Christ.

But the second reason I’ve been so on edge is that I haven’t rested from it. I’m essentially planning the wedding all the time. When I’m not physically  working on the wedding I’m still thinking about it.

And therein lies the real problem–it’s not enough to rest your body. You must also be engaging in a Sabbath of the mind.

I first learned this lesson in my work as a minister. I found myself coming home and telling my roommates or fiancé about the things that had frustrated me that day or the various issues with which I was struggling. I was away from work, but I was still at work in spirit. My mind was constantly spinning as I thought about my ministry, worried about my ministry, and wracked my brain about ministry.

After this pattern went on long enough I began to burn out. I was tired all the time and I was short with my students. My motivation dwindled as my passion was stamped out by fatigue. And at first I was totally puzzled by this. Why wasn’t I feeling rested and restored by my down time?

The reason is that I wasn’t actually resting. My body may have stopped working, but my mind was still in work mode. I may have appeared to be relaxing, but everything else about my orientation was focused on the job.

That is why it is crucial that you give your body AND your mind a weekly Sabbath. What’s more, you need to guard your thought life on a DAILY basis when you are away from work. This can be done in a number of practical ways: Don’t bring your work home with you. When you’re with your family and friends, avoid talking about the problems at work, the people you dislike, and the issues you’re worried about. Find hobbies or activities that you enjoy and can help you to keep your mind off of work.

Right now, this means that I spend intentional time with my fiancé in which we are NOT talking about the wedding.  We need to allow our minds the time to refocus and meditate on the peace that we have in Christ and the greater meaning for this upcoming event in our lives. In doing so, we will free ourselves to actually enjoy the process, one another, and God. When we intentionally allow ourselves to rest, we liberate ourselves from the rat race that ensnares our souls, so be diligent to guard your mind. It needs a break too.

I’m at UNCG right now in the middle of a crazy day so I don’t have much time to write, but I just heard a story this morning that I thought was pretty cool.

Currently at UNCG, there is a student who is finishing her degree as she fulfills her lifelong goal to be a nurse. She is set to graduate in May. She is also 71 years old.

What strikes me about this woman is that she plans to START a whole new career after she graduates. She’s not just seeking the degree–it’s not like one of those “bucket list” goals, like climbing Mt. Everest  or sky diving or getting a tattoo. Those are all one time accomplishments that you complete and then it’s over. They don’t really change the direction of your life or require anything of you in the long-term. This women, on the other hand, is altering the entire direction of her life up to this point and starting anew. In her 70′s!

It is individuals like her who remind us that it’s never to late to stop, alter your course, and start using your life for its created purpose.

And this especially goes out to those of you who are in your twenties and think your life track is already set–if you think that you can’t live a radical life for God because you already went to college and got such-and-such degree and your parents are expecting you to be a lawyer or a doctor and your husband is expecting you to provide him with the American dream, white-picket fence life with 2.5 kids and a dog….and the list goes on.

If all of your circumstances seem like too much to overcome, if your life trajectory is too firmly set to move off course, just remember grandma over here at UNCG, sitting in her classes next to 18 year olds with nose rings and who probably think she’s just confused and got lost and wandered in there on accident.

It is NEVER too late to pursue God. It is NEVER too late to live the life God really designed for you. Any other excuse is just a cop out.

Yesterday I went to the Duke-Miami game. It was brutal.

But not because my team lost.

Yes, it was a heart-breaking defeat, but given the fact that we led almost the entire first half, I consider it a moral victory. With a current record of 3-3, the Duke Football program is actually making a startling resurgence after years of losing seasons. I’m actually pretty proud of them!

The REAL reason the game was so brutal was the opposing team’s fans. I went to the game with some Miami supporters so I sat in the Miami section. That was my first mistake. But even this might not have been so bad, except that the guy sitting directly behind me was actually a Carolina grad who was rooting for Miami on principle.

Now in case you don’t live in North Carolina and don’t understand what that means, let me put it this way:

Carolina fans are to Duke fans as gnats to a horse. You swat and you swat and you swat, but they just keep coming back, buzzing in your face, like a slow and unending form of torture. (Sorry, Hannah. That doesn’t include you!)

So this guy sits behind me and it’s like he immediately knew I was a Duke fan. I didn’t even have on a Duke shirt! He had some evil form of Duke radar, and he immediately started harrassing me. He would yell at me to get off the phone when I took a call, he flicked my pony tail if Duke made a bad play, and grabbed my arms to make me cheer for the other team when Miami scored. Oh, and there was also lots of screaming…in my ear.

I seriously almost decked the guy.

Now all of this was somewhat bearable while Duke was winning, but once we started losing I almost lost it myself. I mean, who does that? Really??

But as I sat there, my arms being grabbed, my ears being screamed in, and my pony tail getting flicked, I was strengthened by one steadying thought:

“Just wait until basketball season.”

You see, Duke football and Duke basketball are two very different things. Duke football has a history of losing, but when it comes to basketball, we are strong and we are intimidating. Even our biggest rivals fear us, and with good cause. We have an awesome team.

That one little thought, that one hope that things will most certainly change–that was enough to hold me back from saying some very un-Jesus like things to the man sitting behind me. I didn’t have to stand up for my school, because over time, my school would stand up for itself.

So why am I telling you this sweet little tale from the ACC? Because something struck me as I quietly endured football persecution, all the while savoring the knowledge, “Basketball season is coming.”

That is exactly the kind of comfort we are meant to draw from Christ.

It’s crazy to me that my present outlook is shaped more by Duke’s future basketball victories than the knowledge of Christ’s eternal victory. But in the same way that I drew peace and strength from my certain redemption in the basketball season, our eternal security and sure victory in Christ should have real implications for how we live today.

Life is hard. Plain and simple. But it won’t always be this way. As Tony Campolo says, “Friday is here, but Sunday is coming!” And the fact that Sunday is coming should make a difference on how we live today.

So while life may be hard, and standing for the Gospel might result in persecution, you don’t need to worry about standing up for yourself. One day the Redeemer will return and he will stand up for you.

So as you go out into the world and endure your own proverbial pony tail flicks, take heart! Continue fighting for the Gospel and persevering for Christ no matter what happens to you today. Why? Because redemption IS coming. The question is, do you live like it?