One of my favorite shows on television right now is 30 Rock. Lately I’ve been catching up on old episodes on Netflix, and I recently watched a clip that I thought was both hilarious and thought-provoking.

In case you’ve never seen the show, it follows an SNL-like t.v. show created by head writer Liz Lemon, played by Tina Fey. Alec Baldwin plays Jack Donaghy, Liz’ boss and the head of NBC. Jack also serves as a mentor figure for Liz. In this particular episode, Jack looks for another employee to mentor because his fiancée is uncomfortable with his and Liz’s unusually close relationship.

As it turns out, Jack has a hard time replacing Liz. No one fits all the requirements he has for a pupil, and in one scene we learn why the junior execs in his company are especially unqualified. Jack finds none of them to be worthy of his mentorship, sighing, “There’s something wrong with this generation.”

No sooner does he finish his sentence than a young executive walks through the door with a fabio-esque haircut and his eyes fixed on his Blackberry. After shooting off an e-mail he looks up at Jack and casually declares,

“Sorry I’m late. BTdubs, I gotta leave for my ironic kickball league in about ten. Also, I’m not interested in this position unless I’m going to be constantly praised. And, I won’t cut my hair.”

I don’t know why that scene makes me laugh so hard! Probably because his self-absorption and self-entitlement rings a little true. While it’s clearly a caricature of the self-esteem movement’s fruits, it’s not that far off the mark. Social commentators don’t call my generation the “trophy kids” for nothing.

Much has been written about the cold reality facing entitled Millennials (born between 1980 and 2001) who enter the work force. Having been coddled and praised all the way through college, the real world is a real shock to them. Entitled people don’t make for good employees either. They don’t receive criticism well, they expect higher pay, flexible schedules, excess vacation time, and affirmation for fulfilling their most basic job requirements.

What I’ve begun to wonder, however, is what marriage will be like for this generation. Granted, not all Millennials are that sheltered, but for those who fit the bill I wonder what will happen when they say “I do?” Marriage, after all, isn’t necessarily great for self-esteem. God has used it to humble me mightily. And how will marriage square with a mentality that an academic dean at Stanford described as follows: “They really do seem to want everything, and I can’t decide if it’s an inability or an unwillingness to make trade-offs.” An unwillingness to make trade-offs? Trade-offs is the bread and butter of my marriage! This does not bode well.

As Americans get married later and later, we are only beginning to witness the interesting mix of matrimony with instant gratification and self-entitlement. For now, what we do know about the “Get a Trophy for Participating” Generation is enough to sober the next generation of parents. As we think about raising children who will be good spouses, and more importantly good Christians, we have to weigh the importance of self-esteem. It is not that self-love or success are bad things, but they are not ultimate things to which all other things must bow.

In a world as crazy and broken as ours, it’s easy to want to shelter our innocent children and keep them from being broken. That is part of a parent’s job. But as Dietrich Bonhoeffer once wrote, “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” Amid the self-esteem movement, how will we raise up disciples who are ready for this kind of call? I’m not sure the self-esteem movement is prepared to answer that question.

In honor of the holiday weekend I thought I would write a Halloween themed post. And I could think of no better way to kick it off than with a picture of my dog in her Halloween costume! We don’t normally dress her up, but the town where I live had a massive pumpkin festival in which we competed to break the world record for most carved pumpkins. The record was 32,000 and we only made it to 26,000, but we still had a lot of fun and Ellie showed her team spirit with her costume.

(This particular picture makes me laugh because I think she looks like an evil dictator.)

Keeping with the Halloween theme, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a popular show on the Travel Channel. It’s called “Ghost Adventures,” but it’s not your average ghost show.

The program is shot in a documentary style by 3 guys who spend the night in reportedly haunted places and report their findings. The show itself is not designed to be scary–no spooky music or raspy voiced narrators or up-close camera shots of them whispering, “I’m so scared!” It’s more of a scientific approach as the leader of the group aims to disprove supernatural skeptics. He explains during the opening segment of each show that he once had his own encounter with a ghost, and has since been driven by the desire to prove their existence in the world.

This show is fascinating to me because I think these men are sincere, and I also think they have no idea just what they’re messing with. In fact, one of the men admitted that his marriage eventually fell apart after he couldn’t stop having nightmares about a specific haunted location. As I’ve watched the show, it has given me a lot to think about in terms of spiritual warfare.

I’m also not the only one who finds this show interesting. It has grown in popularity and the Travel Channel shows it all the time. However, Ghost Adventures’ rise in popularity is not necessarily a unique phenomenon– it belongs to a long line of “haunted” entertainment (haunted houses, ghost stories, ghost tours, etc.) that consumers just can’t seem to get enough of.

The question is why? Why are people so captivated by stories about ghosts? And more strangely, why do people enjoy being scared by them? In an age when the supernatural realm is so publicly frowned upon and largely absent from mainstream media, why do these shows maintain such unchallenged acceptance?

Well you might be surprised to know that this is a question theologians have studied. In particular, theologian Rudolph Otto and the more familiar C.S. Lewis examined what this desire to be scared by ghosts tells us. According to both Otto and Lewis, the feeling of fear, dread, and awe that we experience when hearing a scary ghost story or watching a show about ghosts is the result of an encounter with the “numinous.” In his book The Problem of Pain, Lewis describes the numinous the following way:

“In all developed religion we find three strands or elements, and in Christianity one more. The first of these is what Professor Otto calls the experience of the Numinous. Those who have not met this term may be introduced to it by the following device. Suppose you were told there was a tiger in the next room: you would know that you were in danger and would probably feel fear. But if you were told ‘There is a ghost in the next room’, and believed it, you would feel, indeed, what is often called fear, but a different kind. It would not be based on the knowledge of danger, for no one is primarily afraid of what a ghost may do to him, but of mere fact that it is a ghost. It is ‘uncanny’ rather than dangerous, and the special kind of fear it excites may be called Dread. With the Uncanny one has reached the fringes of the Numinous. Now suppose that you were told simply ‘There is a mighty spirit in the room’, and believed it. Your feelings would then be even less like the mere fear of danger: but the disturbance would be profound. You would feel wonder and a certain shrinking–a sense of inadequacy to cope with such a visitant and of prostration before it–an emotion which might be express in Shakespeare’s words ‘Under it my genius is rebuked’. This Feeling may be described as awe, and the object which excites is as the Numinous.”

The above description may bring to mind the scene in Isaiah 6:5 when Isaiah stands before the holy God, trembling and confessing, “Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips.” That fear, awe and dread is what a human experiences in the presence of something holy, other, and completely transcendent. It is both a wonderful and frightful experience, and as Lewis explains, we encounter the fringes of that same sensation when interacting with lesser elements of the spiritual realm.

The reason people like to experience this particular kind of fear is that, without realizing it, they are glimpsing an echo of what it’s like to encounter God. Whenever we interact with the metaphysical, whether it is through worship, ghost stories, or even a truly magnificent work of art, it causes our souls to shudder in a way that is both frightening and marvelous. That is why humans seek after that feeling, not knowing that it is ultimately found in God.

Of course, the quest for the numinous can be a dangerous one, as I believe the men on Ghost Adventures have experienced first-hand. If you fixate on the wrong source, you will not only miss God altogether but instead fall into idolatry or a preoccupation with a darker, perilous realm. Even so, I see the popularity of shows like Ghost Adventures as a clear indicator that our country is spiritually thirsty. While science has made it unpopular to explore the supernatural in a legitimate, acceptable way, shows like Ghost Adventures offer a back door approach to asking questions about the supernatural realm in a less politically charged manner. They also provide us with a great way to start conversations that ultimately lead to the one true source of awe and wonder, a holy God.

On the news this week I heard about a young woman who urged women to show off their cleavage on April 27th. She began this movement in protest against a Muslim leader who blamed natural disasters on female immodesty. The satirical aim of this gesture was to “test” his theory and see if the mass exposure of cleavage would have consequences. Ironically, there actually was an earthquake that day in Taiwan. A 6.9 in fact. Go figure.

Below I am posting Mary Kassian’s response to this whole scenario. Mary’s blog is one that I really enjoy reading, and I can always count on her to offer a helpful and balanced perspective. So without further ado, I present to you “Boobquake:”

An Islamic cleric recently blamed earthquakes on immodest female clothing. He told the media, “Many women who dress inappropriately … cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes …”

Outraged by this statement, Jennifer McCreight, a 22-year-old student at Purdue University in Indiana, invited women to collectively bare their breast cleavage today–April 27. She claimed that this would scientifically test the cleric’s theory. McCreight, who calls herself “a liberal, geeky, nerdy, scientific, perverted atheist feminist,” mockingly encouraged women to “embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts” by dressing immodestly. “With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake.”

With the help of Facebook and Twitter, word of the event, dubbed “Boobquake,” travelled like wildfire across the internet, and within 24 hours had recruited tens of thousands of supporters and garnished international media attention. But as the morning of the event dawned, and women around the world began to bare their cleavage, a strong earthquake measuring 6.9 on the Richter scale struck southeast of Taiwan.

The earth averages more than a million earthquakes each year. Only about 135 reach the magnitude of the one in Taiwan this morning. The phenomenon of the earthquake coinciding with the Boobquake event could be interpreted either way. The Islamic cleric will no doubt use it as proof that that the seductive behavior of females leads to natural disasters, and that Allah has endorsed the cleric as his spokesman. The cleric will insist that the Islamic law enforcing the Hijab be strictly enforced– that females be forced to cover all parts of their body except hands and face, or be subject to punishment of up to seventy lashes or sixty days imprisonment—or even worse.

On the other end of the spectrum, a scantily clad McCreight predictably brushed off the earthquake as statistically insignificant. Following the disaster she wrote, “If we get many of a similar magnitude in the next 24 hours, then we might start worshipping the power of immodesty.” In any case, since McCreight is an atheist, she denies that God has anything to do with earthquakes, and since she is a feminist, she maintains that women have the right to do whatever they want–even if it does cause a disaster. Women have the right to make the rules. They can dress immodestly and be as seductive and promiscuous as they want – it’s their own business. She said,“If men ogle, that’s the fault of the men, not me for dressing how I like. If I want to a show a little cleavage or joke about my boobs, that’s my prerogative.”

The whole discussion leaves me shaking my head. On the one hand, you have an Islamic male suggesting that immodest women are to blame for natural disasters and for causing men to sin. On the other, you have a feminist female suggesting that there are no natural consequences of women dressing immodestly and seductively—men are the ones with the problem. The former supports the oppression of women, while the latter supports woman’s unbridled right to be immodest, or even immoral if she so pleases.

It never ceases to amaze me that the assault on the biblical pattern for womanhood comes from multiple angles, and must be fought on many fronts. We must combat the idea that it’s man’s prerogative to define womanhood—that women are somehow inferior, and can be demeaned, degraded, assaulted, or abused. We must also combat the idea that it’s woman’s prerogative to define womanhood—that men are somehow inferior—that men are the oppressors and women are above reproach. Furthermore, we must combat the idea of an egalitarian gender-neutral or gender-fluid type of existence. None of these conform to the biblical pattern.

Boobquake is the foolishness of an arrogant man compounded by the foolishness of an arrogant woman.. and the foolishness of all who follow their lead. According to the Bible, it’s God’s prerogative—not man’s and not woman’s – to define who we are and how we ought to live.

© Mary A. Kassian, Girls Gone Wise. Visit Mary’s Website at: GirlsGoneWise.com

As a newlywed who has witnessed many marriages in my parents’ generation dissolve, I entered into marriage with a small degree of anxiety. Although my parents have been married for over 30 years and I thoroughly trust my husband, one never ceases to hear stories about pastors and other respectable men who one day reveal that their entire lives have been a lie. In an instant, everything their wives had known was shattered. That terrifies me.

However, I’ve noticed an equally startling as well as puzzling trend among married couples my age. At this stage in life, I already have a number of friends whose marriages have ended in divorce, but not because of the men. Within my own circle of acquaintances, every single instance has been a result of the wife’s decision to exit the marriage. Whether she was unfaithful or simply felt trapped, I have been shocked by the number of women who have chosen divorce relatively early in their marriages.

What has been even more startling is that their husbands were good men. This isn’t always the case, of course, but many of these women left husbands who were godly, faithful men. Any woman would consider herself lucky to have a husband like them. So what’s the deal? Whereas men seem more prone to have affairs in conjunction with a mid-life crisis, why are so many women leaving their husbands at such an early age?

I did a little research on this topic to find out if my experience is unique, but it’s not. Psychology Today estimates that while 50-70% of men have affairs, 30-60% of women do as well. A separate study published in the New York Times reported that this number is particularly on the rise amidst young women: In new marriages, about 20 percent of men and 15 percent of women under 35 have admitted to cheating. So while infidelity is stereotypically attributed to men, statistics indicate otherwise. What is unclear is the reason behind these rising numbers.

The New York Times article offered several possibilities. Due to past cultural pressures, it’s possible that women have always been as equally unfaithful as men but were more likely to lie about it until now. Others speculate that as the number of women in the workforce increases, the late nights in the office provide opportunities for temptation that women never before had. Even women who do stay at home have the added temptation of internet, e-mail and text messaging.

While researchers have yet to establish a conclusive consensus about these “early exits,” I have my own theory. Based on my own experience in marriage thus far, I suspect it’s a result of several cultural influences. To begin, women grow up absorbing unrealistic stories about fairy tale romance from movies, t.v. shows and books. However, these romantic fantasies never provide us with a glimpse of the “happily ever after.” We see the pursuit and the climax, but then the movie ends.

As a result, we enter marriage subconsciously expecting that the same hot pursuit will define the rest of our lives…only to quickly realize that it doesn’t. Even six months into my own marriage I find myself sighing as I watch movies like the Notebook. There’s a part of me that’s sad I’ll no longer experience the newness of love and the hot passion of that initial stage. My husband is incredible and he pursues me every day, but it’s different now. There’s a small part of me that misses that.

Compound that disappointment with the very real challenges of marriage and every day life, along with a culture in which divorce is pretty normal. The result? Young women suspect they got married too quickly. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!” they think. “I must have married the wrong guy!” Either that, or they suddenly feel they’re missing out on the passion and romance of their single friends. No more exciting first dates. No more thrill-of-the-chase.

And so they feel trapped. That word, “trapped,” has been the common denominator among the young women I’ve known to leave their husbands. She thought she knew what she was signing up for, but then she got married and felt she’d been duped. She felt stuck and she needed a way out. Then a handsome co-worker or family friend caught her eye…

Perhaps I’m totally wrong, but this “theory” is based off of my own battle with the culture’s influence on my expectations. I never realized how powerfully my understanding of romance had been shaped by media until I actually got married.

While psychologists and sociologists are still unclear about the cause for this growing trend, there are two ways in which we can go ahead and be on the defensive when it comes to fighting for our marriages:

1. Be discerning about the messages the culture is feeding you. Romantic movies may seem innocent enough, but be wise to the ways in which they are shaping your expectations of marriage. If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time, you know that I think about this stuff ALL the time and it has STILL affected me. It’s hard to resist getting swept up in fanciful dreams about what your life should be, all the while sabotaging the life you actually have. Marriage is a blessing and a gift, but we ruin it by imposing unnatural expectations upon it.

2. Don’t forget your Heavenly Lover. Even in the best marriages, it’s not all romance and steam. Some days you feel ordinary and plain, and your husband may not pursue you the way he did when you were courting. So on those days when you feel trapped, or at the very least forgotten about, remember that you have a Father in Heaven who never stops being enthralled by you. His extravagant loves puts the Notebook to shame. No one knows you as intimately, loves you as unconditionally, and will ever sacrifice more for you than Him. No man will ever pursue you as consistently or perfectly as God, so let Him be your satisfaction on the days when you might be tempted to look elsewhere.

Regardless of whether you are single or married, it’s time that we start talking about the fact that more and more women are sabotaging their marriages through infidelity. Women are just as likely to be tempted as men, so we must be on our guard against it. None of us is any safer than the woman next to us. Let’s be realistic about that fact, and pray for grace and wisdom all the while.

So I know I’m the last person on earth who still isn’t on Twitter (except for my husband–family solidarity!). In the past I’ve written about the various temptations and pitfalls of social networking sites, not because I’m trying to be Amish but simply discerning. As positive an impact as these technologies have had, there are also temptations as well and we need to talk openly about them.

To check out some of my old posts, go to “What Would Jesus Tweet” and “Fakebook.”

Today I wanna talk about another temptation presented by Twitter (and Facebook, and even this blog, for that matter). But before I do, you have to understand something about me: I have a problem opening my mouth when I should clearly keep it shut. I am a verbal processor and I tend to say whatever pops into my head at the moment. This trait has gotten me into trouble many, many, many times. It has not only led to my own embarrassment, but to the embarrassment of others as well.

In the face of this struggle I have often turned to Proverbs, which is full of advice for someone like me:

Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. (13:3)

A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. (18:6)

A fool’s mouth is his ruin,and his lips are a snare to his soul. (18:7)

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. (21:23)

…and my personal favorite…

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. (17:28)

The last proverbs has often been re-quoted the following witty way: “It is better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

I have prayed these verses over myself for years. And thanks to God’s grace, I have seen some change. But I also have a long way to go. And that’s a big reason why I’m not on Twitter. With Twitter there is a temptation to immediately post to the world whatever crazy thought comes into my head. And given my track record, this power could easily be misused. Not only would I probably make myself look bad at some time or another, but the temptation to slander another person or cause is immense. Sarcasm does not always translate well.

Christians are certainly guilty of falling to that temptation, not only with Twitter but blogging as well (probably more so with blogging, in fact!). It’s easy to turn a blog into an angry soapbox. Fortunately, the blogging form forces me to stop and process my thoughts rather than post out of reflex, so it has been easier for me to resist speaking out of turn, but that accountability does not exist with Twitter. Your soapbox is ever at your fingertips.

As always, I am not writing this to condemn Twitter in and of itself. I know a lot of people who have used it in both creative and God-honoring ways. However, I also know I’m not the only one who struggles with shooting my mouth off. If you’re like me, just be careful about what you tweet. As the verses from Proverbs remind us, the more times you open your mouth the more likely you are to say something dumb. I for one don’t need one more outlet for making that mistake. Think before you tweet.

As some of you know, I’m now working as a free-lance writer and part-time researcher, which means I get to make my own schedule. Which I love.

The only problem with making my own schedule is that it requires a tremendous amount of discipline, discipline I really don’t have. I’ll sit down to work on a project and then out of the blue I’ll decide to check my facebook for some hair-brained reason. The next thing I know an entire hour has gone by. Poof.

After about a month of this I began to suspect that it was a bigger problem than I’d first given it credit for. But apparently God wanted to make it crystal clear. First I noticed that Ed Stetzer had posted a blog about a recent study on Christian college students and online social networking. You can read more about it on his blog, but apparently “over 30% of Christian college students spend 1-2 hours a day on Facebook alone, with 12% percent going at it for 2-4 hours each day. If you add in Twitter, email, texting, and popular websites we’re looking at a significant investment in the internet in general and social media in particular.” The study then explained,

“It isn’t yet clear whether over-zealous use of computer-based activities will be formally accepted in the U.S. as a distinctive, unique form of addiction. What is clear from our study is that a surprisingly high percentage of Christian students who frequently engage in electronic activities report several troubling negative consequences.”

Stetzer added, “Over half admit that they were ‘neglecting important areas of their life’ due to spending too much time online. Over 12 percent believe that they are addicted to some form of electronic activity. 21 percent felt that their level of engagement with electronic activities at times caused a conflict with their Christian values.”

I think what caught my attention was the language of social networking as a kind of addiction. We tend to equate addiction with drugs or pornography, but obsessively looking at pictures of my friends’ babies? I hadn’t considered that a potential threat.

Then I looked up the definition of addiction: “The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming.” Psychologically habit-forming? Bingo. I may not be using facebook to cope with depression, but I’m certainly using it as a mental stimulant when my brain isn’t entertained by my work.

Well God wasn’t done there. A day or two later I saw that John Piper had tweeted (ironically) the following statement: “One of the great uses of Twitter and Facebook will be to prove at the Last Day that prayerlessness was not from lack of time.”

Ouch. Between the study on social networking and Piper’s words, I was noticing a theme. This isn’t just about procrastination or filling my time with meaningless busyness. This is about being a bad steward of the days I’ve been given. It’s about abusing God’s time.

But God still wasn’t done with me. Yesterday I got on facebook to find that one of my favorite seminary professors had posted a status declaring that she was “going off FB for a while, and I pray that others will do some investigating of their own.”

All of this in one week.

Now I do recognize the irony in reading all these messages on the internet. But I think there’s something to them. I don’t feel compelled to swear off facebook altogether given that it does help me to keep up with old friends as their lives change and grow. But the question is how do we handle these social networking devices in a healthy way? How do we prevent them from controlling us?

Recently Miley Cyrus got off Twitter because she had become more focused on tweeting what was happening in her life than on what was actually happening in her life. I think she makes a good point. I wonder what God thinks about all this virtual noise? We are constantly attached to our blackberries, e-mails, text messages, etc. that I wonder if we’ve blinded ourselves to how self-involved we’ve become. Is that a tactic of the Enemy?

All of these technologies can be used for the Kingdom of God, no doubt. And that’s one of the reasons I would never make a blanket statement about getting rid of them. The question is whether or not we’re actually using them for the Kingdom. Perhaps that is the very filter we should use for our time on facebook and Twitter: “Will God’s glory be advanced by this tweet?” “Am I serving God by spending this much time on facebook?” If I can’t answer yes, then I don’t think it’s worth my time.

Any thoughts out there?

The next time you hear someone say, “I don’t believe in having regrets,” pay attention. You’ll most likely hear it from a celebrity on t.v., but it’s a mantra that has come to define our culture. We are a culture that doesn’t believe in having regrets.

What this really means is that no one ever wants to admit they made major mistakes in their life, or that they wish things were different for them. That’s why the idea of a life without regrets is so appealing. It encourages us to surrender ourselves to the tide of the universe, embracing a vague theology about how everything happens for a reason. And there is something to be said for focusing on the future instead of beating yourself up about a past you cannot change. Even from a Christian perspective, God sets us free from guilt. While we should feel convicted about our sin and strive to do better, the punishment for our past mistakes has already been paid. God doesn’t ask us to continue punishing ourselves. From that angle, the mantra of “no regrets” is somewhat compatible with a Christian understanding of God’s sovereignty and His grace.

However, regret and guilt are two very different things. We don’t need to bear the guilt of a sin from which we’ve been forgiven, but we should certainly feel remorseful about it. We should be sorrowful that it happened. But our culture doesn’t make this distinction, which is why the language of sin and guilt is so unintelligible to them. When we try to articulate disobedience to a world that doesn’t believe in having regrets, or when we explain sin to a culture that “did the best they could with what they had” or “made the choice that was right for them,” the concept doesn’t take hold.

This unintelligibility becomes particular obvious in discussing topics of morality, such as divorce or premarital sex. In a world where people don’t have regrets, it doesn’t matter that a person had sex with a ton of different people or that they were married multiple times. These decisions are recounted as valuable experiences that shaped them into who they are. Now they’re stronger for it. No regrets.

Under this light, the ideology’s true colors are revealed. While it portrays itself as the ultimate live-life-to-the-fullest kind of worldview, it’s really just a cover-up for selfishness. Maybe someone has no regrets about their divorce, but what about their spouse, or their children? And while a guy or girl may have no regrets about the people they slept with, what about the partners they may have hurt? While we shouldn’t bemoan the things we had no control over, or be wrought with unending guilt about the past, we should certainly regret the times when we hurt ourselves, or others.
A life defined by regret isn’t healthy, but a life with NO regrets at all is just as unbalanced.

Knowing this about our culture, it does give us some insight on how to articulate our faith. God doesn’t warn us about sin simply because He’s a prude. He’s not a stick-in-the-mud deity in the sky who doesn’t want us to have any fun. He warns us against sin the way a parents warns a child about a hot stove. It will hurt us, and it will hurt others. We live for Christ as a means for being free of those snares, not because we’re better or holier than others.

As Christians we want to be free of regrets, but that doesn’t mean we superficially gloss over the ways in which we’ve messed up. In taking those mistakes seriously, we acknowledge the people we have hurt, including God, while embracing the forgiveness that awaits us in Jesus Christ. A life without regrets does neither.

Over the years I’ve posted a number of blogs about body image and how tremendously the images of women in the media shape our understanding of beauty. And while most of us realize that these images represent a tiny percentile of the entire human race–and likely an unhealthy, semi-starved percentile at that–it turns out these women don’t even live up to the images themselves.

Just check out this video released by the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty:

As shocking as this video may be, it documents a practice that is actually quite commonplace today: Airbrushing. The term “airbrush” dates back nearly a hundred years ago when photographs were literally airbrushed with paint to minimize flaws or change details. Today, this term refers to any kind of digital alteration of a photo.

The extent to which airbrushing can alter a woman’s physique, face, or any “undesirable” feature is quite remarkable. Just check out these airbrushed women:

Kim Kardashian is known for her beautiful curves, but they are noticeably minimized here. Apparently she was too curvy.

While Kim Kardashian was too curvy, Keira Knightly wasn’t curvy enough, as this movie poster clearly conveys. Which one is it, people??

And now, the one that takes the cake…

Gisele  Bundchen, international super model, is pregnant in this picture. But you wouldn’t know it. Why? Because they airbrushed out her pregnant belly!

Now I’ll admit there was a part of me that breathed a huge sigh of relief when I realized how thoroughly these beautiful women had been altered before appearing on the front cover of magazines. (and News Flash ladies–those six-pack abs you see on women who’ve birthed 3 children are often airbrushed and touched up as well!) It’s as if we’ve finally admitted that the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes. These women aren’t real–not on some ideological level in which we mean that real women don’t have time to look that way–but in a very literal sense. The images themselves aren’t real. Those women don’t actually look like that.

My relief, however, quickly morphed into something else entirely. I was deeply disturbed that our culture’s standard of beauty is literally unattainable. In what can only be considered reckless marketing, these magazines are selling an outright lie. We’re not just seeing the prettiest of the pretty–we’re seeing the touched up, doctored version of them. The Father of Lies has found his weapon, and we are the target.

How, then, are we to combat this onslaught? The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty created a second video that offers a really wonderful answer:

“Talk to your daughter before the beauty industry does.” But don’t stop there. Talk to your friends, your family, younger women at your church, and most importantly speak truth to yourself. Our best defense against the lies of Satan is the truth of Christ. And our fellow soldiers in this fight are our sisters. So help them fight, but not by affirming them in areas that the world values, thereby feeding back into this culture of distorted beauty. Instead affirm them in the unfading beauty of their gentle spirit and the adornment of their good deeds. Affirm them in their modesty, their purity, their passion for Christ, their servant heart, and their hospitable kindness. Affirm them in those things which God calls beautiful, not the world. It’s not wrong to affirm women in their outward beauty, but we need to check our priorities. A pretty face is nice and all, but a woman who fears the Lord is truly worthy to be praised.

As a blogger, I sometimes fear that after enough time has passed I will eventually run out of things to say. Thankfully, Oprah has assembled a team of “expert” psychologists who will prevent that from ever happening.

Recently Oprah aired a show covering the topic of how to approach sexually educating your kids. For the first half of this discussion I was totally tracking with her. With the help of sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman, the show revealed how few parents are having this important discussion with their kids, nor are they having it at an earlier enough age. Studies show that 90 percent of O Magazine’s readers (mothers) thought they had had the sex talk with their kids, but when their daughters were asked about this supposed conversation, a large percentage of the girls felt that the conversation had not, in fact, taken place. Another statistic showed that 78% of women think their daughters feel comfortable talking to them about sex, but in reality only 39% of daughters actually do.

The study also revealed that girls aren’t just interested in the dynamics of sex–they want to know about the emotional side of it as well. They want to understand why they are feeling so strongly towards a boy, and why it affects their bodies the way that it does. It is for this and many other reasons that Dr. Berman encourages parents to “arm [their kids] with knowledge that will guide them well into adulthood.”

Up to that point I was TOTALLY with Dr. Berman. She also offered helpful advice about not freaking out over the conversation, not veiling the topic in such intense secrecy that it develops an unhealthy stigma, and other practical tips. I found myself actually appreciating Oprah and the good she was doing for parents and families. Yay Oprah!

Then the show took an unexpected turn..

Dr. Berman explained that only 35% of mothers talk to their daughters about one of the most important aspects of sex–pleasure. She explained, “We need to teach them about pregnancy prevention and STD prevention, but we also have to teach them about the gift that sexuality is.” (Still tracking with her, still on the same page, yes, yes…) So she concludes, “This is why…it’s important to have a big talk with your child when she hits high school about masturbation and orgasms. This is something that’s normal and natural, and if you’re talking to a girl from a young age about this, it’s a natural thing.” (Wait, WHAT?!?)

She later concludes that it’s a good idea to even buy your daughter a vibrator. (Though she qualifies this advice, saying you should only get one that stimulates the outside, not the inside. At this point, I’m not sure why that really matters…??)

So why does Dr. Berman feel that this is an important step for your child? Because “Teaching your daughters to take control of their own pleasure can help them avoid unhealthy sexual experiences. You’re teaching them about their own body and pleasuring themselves and taking the reins of their own sexuality so that they don’t ever have to depend on any other teenage boy to do it for them.”

Now let me back up and say that I agree with Dr. Berman to an extent. Not only should parents do a better job of talking to their kids about sex, but discussing the pleasure aspect is certainly important too. If we talk about sex as if it’s a dark and horrible thing to be avoided at all costs, and then they hear their friends talk about how great it is, who are they going to believe? We risk our credibility when we make sex out to be something that it’s not. It’s enticing for a reason–it feels good, and can be very wonderful. It was, after all, given to us by God.

But vibrators? That’s another matter. The other day I was talking to my pastor’s wife about when she should start having the sex talk with her daughters, and I somehow doubt this is what she had in mind. Now I have heard an argument made for women to explore their bodies (not in a sexual way but in an education way) prior to marriage so that they’re not completely blind-sided on the wedding night, and that makes some sense to me. I can even understand walking your daughter through the parts of her own body so that she knows exactly what’s down there. But teaching her to orgasm so that she isn’t dependent on a man for that pleasure? This is a case of feminism gone completely awry!

It is indeed important for mothers to talk with their daughters–in stages, over time–about their bodies, where babies come from, and the feelings that can arise from sex. It’s also important to explain that that “pleasure” is from God but is designed to occur within the boundaries of marriage. It is then crucial to explain that the reason behind God’s design for sex within marriage is that the “pleasure” of sex can result in emotional attachments that are devastating when they are broken. God wants to save women that heart-brokenness, which is why He wants us to only have sex in marriage.

It is with this God-ordained narrative in mind that Dr. Berman’s advice is clearly destructive. She is trying to help women short-circuit the emotional damage of failed relationships, not by teaching them abstinence or waiting for a guy who respects you, but by avoiding the attachment altogether. If I can get that kind of pleasure on my own, I don’t need a man to fulfill it. This has frightening implications for the future marriages of our country.

Which is why I should also point out that while Dr. Berman’s ideas might work in theory, she speaks as a mother of two very young sons, and not as someone who has seen the consequences of this teaching play out over a 20 year period. It is when these young women reach adulthood, get married, and start families of their own that this counsel will truly be tested. Until then, I would be wary of speaking so authoritatively on an idea that has not stood the test of time. While her intentions are good, and there IS something that mothers can learn from her–namely, that moms need to talk with their daughters EARLY and instill them with a healthy understanding of sex and their bodies–I’m afraid her advice could have devastating long-term effects for the marriages and families of our country.

There is more to abstinence than avoiding pregnancy, STD’s, or merely “staying pure.” In teaching abstinence we instill our children with the principles of faithfulness, perseverance, self-control and self-giving love, principles that enable marriages and families to last. With Dr. Berman’s advice, I fear we will miss the forest for the trees…or in this case, a vibrator.

To read the whole story, click here.

On the first day of our honeymoon, my husband and I were waiting at the Miami airport when I decided to buy a good book for the trip. I knew we would be spending plenty of time out on the beach, and I also knew I’d get bored just laying there, so I found a bookstore and began to sniff around.

A number of my friends (female friends, that is) had recently gotten sucked into the phenomenon that is the Twilight series, so when I happened upon a display that contained all 4 books, I decided to give it a try. I wasn’t exactly planning on reading theology during my stay in St. Lucia, so this was just the sort of thing I was looking for.

And like my friends, I got sucked in almost immediately. I knocked out the 500+ pages beast of a book in a matter of days. In fact, on our way back home I found myself frantically scouring the Charlotte airport looking for the sequel. Eventually I received a text message from my husband beckoning me back to the gate so that I wouldn’t miss the flight, so I moped back to the gate, sulking that I would have to wait another day before I could continue the series.

Eventually I went to a local store and purchased New Moon, which I similarly finished in just a few days.

This brings me to the title of my blog. Don’t worry, this is not one of those conservative Christian condemnations of all things magical like Harry Potter. I think Harry Potter is awesome, and I think vampires are pretty fun too. That’s actually why I saw the first Twilight movie and duped my husband into going with me–I thought it was an action vampire movie. Of course, I couldn’t have been more wrong, but I didn’t know that at the time.

Plus, the books themselves are fairly PG rated. I’m not sure the other two are quite as innocent as the first, but with the exception of some intense kissing scenes, the sex and language is held at bay. A refreshing change from most romance novels these days.

The real reason I have misgivings about this series (and keep in mind that I have only read half of it) is the emotional intensity of the relationship between the two main characters, Edward and Bella. Regularly, both characters make statements about one another that are beyond melodramatic. They’re flat out ridiculous. When Edward thinks that Bella is dead, he tries to kill himself. When Bella is under threat of being murdered by several different characters in the story, she brushes it all off because she can face anything in the world as long as Edward is by her side. He is “her life” and she is “inextricably in love with him.” (after having known him for just a few months)

Bella talks about Edward the way Scripture talks about Jesus. He is her savior. He is her idol. And that idolatry is made to look romantic and enticing for countless young women across the country.

Now in some ways, the heightened drama of this love story is really no different from the likes of Romeo and Juliet (with whom the two are frequently compared throughout the books) but what disturbs me about the books is its near cult-like popularity among young girls today–an appeal that Romeo and Juliet no longer have. I have a 12 year old cousin who is like a little sister to me, and she’s got pictures of Edward all over her room. She’s also read all 4 of the books, as have her friends. She is literally eating it up with a spoon.

And that scares me. In a culture where women derive so much of their worth from guys, where young girls are actually committing suicide when they are shunned by a guy at school, is it responsible to encourage this story line? Bella is made out to be the heroine, even though her obsession with Edward is utterly pathetic. She has no sense of self apart from him, yet she is placed on a pedestal at the center of a supposedly great love story. That is not the message that I want my cousin, or my future daughters, to absorb as they figure out their identities in Christ. Not only could such a message negatively impact future dating relationships, but it could short-circuit their relationship with God as well.

It’s for that reason that I would not consider the Twilight books a positive way to shape my daughters’ worldview, should I ever be so blessed to have some. As I mold them into women who fear the Lord above all else, teaching them to found their identities on Christ instead of men, I fear that the Twilight novels would undermine these efforts. Women love the books so much because it is the sweetest of temptations, feeding their imaginations with illusions of the grandest kind, and I would fear tempting my sweet little one in this way.

With that in mind, I would even be wary of some adult women reading these books, or books like them. For women, our imaginations can be a tremendous source of struggle. They can create in us expectations that do not match with the world, or more importantly God’s plan. When we create such expectations, we go to great lengths to achieve them, even at a cost to ourselves. So for single women for whom this issue is a struggle, or even married women who are experiencing disappointment in their marriage, I would be careful about these books. They have the potential to shape our imaginations in ways that can be toxic for our relationships.

So at the risk of sounding like a prude, that is why I wouldn’t let my daughters read the Twilight books. I’m not sure if I personally am going to continue the series or not–like I said, it’s a quick and easy read, which is sometimes kind of nice. And so far it’s been pretty clean, which is also a nice change of pace. But we must be diligent about the information we consume. At any age, our minds are still moldable because our imaginations are so vivid, so we must be cautious about what it is we’re consuming, and whether it harmonizes with the truth of God.