Today marks the 10 day count down until my WEDDING DAY (woot woot!) which means I will not be posting many new blogs in the next couple weeks (And none during my honeymoon…I hope you understand that I’ll be otherwise occupied). Til then, I’m going to re-post some of my older entries for those of you who missed them the first time. Enjoy!

Yesterday as I sat by the pool reading, I overheard the following conversation between a guy and a girl who were sitting nearby. The young man was criticizing a friend of his who treats women badly:

“The guy talks down to her all the f—ing time! I’m sorry but I could never be such a d—head and f—ing talk to girls like that.”

The girl nodded in full agreement. I imagine her heart swooned to be in the presence of such a gentleman. “Who says chivalry is dead?!” she must have thought.

Can we please back up and review that conversation? Even now I sit in amazement of how ridiculous the whole thing was. While condemning another man for supposedly treating women poorly, this guy was simultaneously showering the girl’s ears with profanity. While criticizing another man for disrespecting women, he was disrespecting her.

And what’s even worse is that she ate it all up! Not once did she see the hypocrisy of his actions. It never dawned on her that he was dishonoring her by speaking so obscenely. In her eyes, his passionate distaste for another man’s sins was chivalry enough.

Sadly, this kind of “chivalry” pervades our culture. For another pertinent example, just look at popular song lyrics today–it’s now a term of endearment when a man calls a woman his “bitch.” Women feel flattered when guys ogle their bodies like pieces of meat in a butcher shop window. And it’s even gotten so bad that women will excuse their husband’s infidelity as long as he doesn’t leave them. These women proudly state, “He may go out with those other women, but he always comes home to me!”

Seriously? Is that the best we can hope for?

The ironic thing is that women have encouraged this behavior as well. In addition to dressing in ways that provoke the exact kind of attention we should be discouraging, some women actually punish men for being gentlemen.

I will never forget the time a guy friend of mine was riding on the bus when a young women got on. There weren’t any seats available, so my friend stood up and offered his seat to her. The girl’s response was surprising. Instead of gratefully taking his seat, she was indignant: “I don’t want your seat! It’s not like I’m too weak to stand!”

This isn’t the only time I’ve heard stories of this kind. I know numerous men who’ve been reprimanded by young ladies when they held the door for them. The mindset, I assume, is that men are treating women as weak, fragile, inferior beings when they condescend to offer such gestures.

This is the backwards world we live in. We have become so confused that we interpret honor as insult. Women are actually demanding disrespect as a sign of respect. Not only do we tolerate it, but we invite it.

But why?

This is a complex question that has many, many different answers, but at the heart of it all is a complete loss of our identity. Women have forgotten that they are the crowning jewel of creation, designed to glorify God with their beauty, requiring honor and respect from the men created to care for them. Women have forgotten that they were made in God’s image, so they should expect men to treat them with the appropriate respect that such an image deserves.

Ladies, we must refuse to participate in a culture that renames dishonor as valor, cowardice as courage, and dominance as strength. We may twist and rationalize every misbehavior possible, but at the end of the day it is still utterly detestable to God Himself, so we must work to view the world through this lens.

And if you have a female friend who is allowing herself to be romanced with this new form of chivalry, please tell her. Remind her that God created her for more than she realizes, so she must not stand by while her beauty, and the beauty of God, are spit upon. We are better than that. And more importantly, God is better than that.

Greek mythology tells the story of a man named Narcissus who was exceptionally cruel, even to those who loved him. As a punishment from the gods for a life poorly-lived, Narcissus was cursed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Not realizing it was his own, Narcissus was so captivated by his image that he was unable to leave until he eventually perished there.

It is from this story that we get the term “narcissism”–an inordinate fascination with oneself, or excessive self-love. Vanity.

In extreme cases, this narcissism has been diagnosed as a type of personality disorder.  In fact, the disorder has served as a scapegoat in the face of bad decision making–such as that of former senator John Edwards, whose explanation for committing adultery was “a narcissism that leads you to believe you can do whatever you want.”

Now as much as these political scandals are almost becoming cliché, studies are now showing that such narcissism is not just for politicians anymore–it’s becoming more and more common among average Americans. A new book by psychology professors W. Keith Campbell and Jean Twenge entitled The Narcissism Epidemic charts the dramatic rise in the number of Americans who have the narcissism disorder. In a nationally representative sample of 35,000 Americans, one out of 16 respondents registered as a narcissist on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory. These are people who agreed with statements like: “If I ruled the world it would be a much better place,” or, “I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve,” and, “I find it easy to manipulate people.”

And young people appear to be the worst, registering highest in the population. Nearly 10 percent of twenty-somethings reported narcissistic symptoms, compared with only 3 percent of those over 65.

But what I found most interesting about the study was its conclusions about narcissism’s effect’s on society as a whole–and more specifically, dating and marriage. Interestingly, the rise in narcissism has been proportionate to the rise in the American “hook-up culture,” which the researchers explain as follows: “One of the hallmarks of a narcissist is short-term relationships that don’t require a lot of emotional investment…The current trend right now, especially among younger people, is that ‘I’m going to focus on myself, not on forging an emotionally close relationship.’”

Unfortunately, the consequences don’t end there. Narcissism has even more severe consequences for marriage. Because of the self-help culture mentality which teaches “I am great,” Americans have begun to scrutinize their romantic partners with a kind of “You better be great too” mentality. Twenge and Campbell have therefore concluded that the solution to having a healthy romantic relationship is NOT learning to love yourself first: “There is no evidence that people with very high self-esteem are any better in a relationship than people with low self-esteem.”

As Hannah Seligson of The Daily Beast summarized the situation,

“Narcissism, even in small doses, has shifted courtship into a high-stakes relationship culture. Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives. Twentysomethings not only expect to waltz into high-level career positions right out of college, they also expect partners who have the moral fortitude of Nelson Mandela, the comedic timing of Stephen Colbert, the abs of Hugh Jackman, and the hair of Patrick Dempsey.”

People are no longer encouraged to compromise or be patient. It is all about being fulfilled and making yourself happy, a practice that is not only toxic in marriages, but can lead to larger family problems. Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity explains, “Think of parenting. When your kid is being a pain, parents have to see the bigger picture—that being a parent has so many benefits and a deeper joy. It’s a perspective that people in good marriages have. Narcissists, however, have a big blind spot. For them, it’s about being fulfilled all the time.” This would perhaps explain why Americans are waiting much longer to have children, and on their own schedule.

It also explains why so many marriages are crumbling. Perel explains, “The culture of narcissism is about your personal happiness coming first and your partner coming second. It’s what’s at the core of divorce.”

So what does all of this mean for the self-help movement that seems to have fed our narcissistic culture? Some experts are saying it’s time to dump it. Therapist and relationship expert Terry Real concludes,

“There is a national obsession with feeling good about yourself. We have done a good job teaching people to come up from shame, but have ignored the issue of having people come down from grandiosity. Everything from feminism to 12-step recovery to religion has become about ‘I was weak, now I’m strong, go screw yourself. The danger is in narcissists taking this too far and blaming their partners if they’re not 100 percent satisfied in their love lives.”

All of this research seems to indicate that the Greeks had it right thousands of years ago when they first spun the tale of Narcissus: an over-emphasis on self leads to death. Perhaps not a physical death, but the death of everything around you–relationships, marriage, and family. And as Christians, we should not be surprised. All that narcissism really is is a form of idolatry–worship of the self. So while we should learn to love ourselves in a way that is healthy and recognizes the divine image in our created being, we should never be in the business of pushing self-help resources. Too many Christians teachers and writers fall on the wrong side of that line.

* For more on this, check out Hannah Seligson’s entire article here.

It’s been a couple months now since the controversy surrounding Carrie Prejean first blew up. Since then Prejean abdicated her Miss California throne and has been touring the Christian speaking circuit supporting traditional marriage and Christian values. I just watched a video of her appearance at Liberty University, and in it she is considerably more composed and articulate than she has typically been portrayed. You can check it out for yourself here.

Although Prejean’s interview was well-done and uplifting, I couldn’t help but get hung up on something. Over and over again the interviewers commended her unwillingness to compromise and her boldness to stand for Christ. Prejean herself challenged the students at Liberty to do the same. Yet every time she and Liberty’s chancellor discussed her strength under pressure and the importance of personal holiness in a worldly culture, one image kept flashing into my mind: The swimsuit competition.

I don’t know what Liberty’s dress code is, but I would be willing to bet they frown on women donning string bikinis, let alone parading around in one before millions of viewers on television. In fact, most church youth groups won’t even let their girls wear a two-piece bathing suit to camp.

But before jumping to any conclusions, I decided to do a little research. I found that Prejean did wear a skimpy bikini in the contest, but she was not the first professing Christian to do so. Last week the latest Miss America appeared on the 700 Club with evangelical Pat Robertson, and she talked about her faith in Christ and and the central role it played in her life. When I googled her name, a picture of her in a tiny black, barely there bikini popped up.

I tried finding photos of contestants wearing one-piece bathing suits in these competitions, but they were few and far between. In the process of searching I actually discovered that it was in the mid-90′s when the Miss America Pageant began encouraging participants to wear two-pieces instead of one. The organization highlighted the skimpier and less inhibited bathing suits in its promotions in order to boost ratings.

While I am not morally opposed to two-piece bathing suits (I own a few myself) I am bothered by 2 things about the nature of these competitions:

1. The Display Factor–these women aren’t just wearing the suits because they’re comfortable or to get a good tan, but to show off their nearly naked bodies to a watching audience. Displaying one’s body is the sole purpose of the swimwear.

2. The Face Factor–While there is some emphasis on personality, intelligence, and philanthropy, you don’t exactly see a lot of chubby girls up there. Try as they might to convince us otherwise, we all know that at the end of the day, a woman will not become Miss America on the basis of a great personality if she’s got a little junk in her trunk. That said, the pageant compares women on some characteristics that hold little value in God’s economy. In a culture of womanhood that is already so competitive, should we really be encouraging women to willingly subject themselves to it?

But what really concerns me more than anything else is the way Christian media outlets seem to eat this stuff up. In addition to Liberty’s broadcast, Prejean appeared on Focus on the Family and presented an award at the Dove Awards. Is that really wise? While some of these women do profess Christ in public and that is a good thing, does being pretty, Christian and famous automatically qualify someone as a role model for young Christian women? Even the young lady on the 700 Club admitted that she rarely goes to church because of her busy schedule. As a member of the Body of Christ, that is a significant problem, yet Pat Robertson nodded along with a sympathetic look that conveyed, “I totally understand.”

It may not be clear from my tone, but I do feel torn on this issue. After all, we need Christians EVERYWHERE–we need believers in the workplace, the government, Hollywood, etc. so that we can be salt and light to the world around us. But that doesn’t mean women should become strippers for the sake of reaching other strippers. The Miss America Pageant is not nearly that extreme, but it is a point worth considering.  Is it possible for a Christian woman to participate in a competition that compares her with others on the basis of their looks, shed their modesty as they stand before millions in a tiny bikini, and still be uncompromisingly faithful to God?

I’m not going to give an answer to that question, but I do know this–conservative evangelical institutions that are loud about modesty and personal holiness might pick their spokespeople wisely. Fame and visibility are the kind of qualifiers that will later come back to bite you.

Ever since I was a small child I can remember watching valiant attempts at effective, anti-drug campaigns on t.v. Who can forget the famous father and son drug confrontation??–”I learned it from watching you!” (In case you aren’t familiar with this 80′s classic, you can check it out here)

Twenty years later those commercials still pepper the television. And while some of them remain unconvincing, some of them are also pretty creative. In particular, the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign  launched an ad this past May that I really liked:

This commercial is noteworthy due to its insight about motivations. Many of the “voices” that the young man hears are actually quite good ones. He would be foolish not to listen to them. They are providing healthy, compelling reasons to stay off drugs.

Yet this ad recognizes the pitfalls of listening to those “good voices.” Were he to follow their advice, even when it’s good, the teen would still be engaging in the same faulty decision-making that led him astray in the first places: It’s all a form of peer pressure. Whether it’s a pot-head friend at school or his concerned parents, these voices are all exerting a kind of pressure that sways his conscience in their direction, rather than helping him to form opinions of his own.

So instead of being tossed around by the various voices of others, this ad encourages teens to make their own decisions. In doing so, teens will have an immovable North Star amidst the storm of competing voices.

On one level, I think this perspective is brilliant. It exposes the human tendency to people-please, the vanity of it, and the ways in which this desire can pervert even the best of intentions. But what’s even more significant to me is that this type of well-intentioned people-pleasing is very present in the Church. Frequently Christians are motivated not by God’s opinion, but the opinions of other Christians. This kind of people-pleasing is sometimes hard to identify because it often results in a seemingly healthy Christian life. The opinions that are most revered are frequently very sound and good. Yet we go astray whenever our primary spiritual compass is determined by them. Rather than weigh our lives against the teachings of Christ and God’s Word, we listen more intently to those Christians whom we most respect.

And that leads us to the ultimate flaw with the anti-drug ad. It fails to actually identify the only voice that matters–God’s. Contrary to what the commercial implies, the teenager’s own voice is really no different from the other voices he hears. As fallible humans, our emotions and circumstances cloud our judgment and give us conflicting messages all the time. Discerning the difference between your voice and others can often be a nearly impossible task. At times, the two are indistinguishable.

And the same is true for Christians. When we are driven by the opinions of others, even if their advice is godly, we are doing little more than the insecure teenager who is enslaved to the opinion of her peers. While the outcome may look different on the outside–one lifestyle appears to be healthy while the other does not–the underlying motives are the same. Both the Christian and the teenager are building upon a foundation that will ultimately falter.

That is why our only true North Star is the voice of the Father. Only the perfect words of Scripture can anchor us amidst the voices of others and ourselves. That is why a better, more holistic closing to the ad would therefore read, “The only voice that matters is Yours.” In our culture, that is a message that every teenager, every woman, and every Christian needs to hear.

Ever since I got engaged I’ve gotten hooked on a show called “Bridezillas.” It’s one of those train-wreck type shows that you just can’t look away from, but I’ve also been watching it to keep my perspective on this whole wedding planning process in check. Whenever I find myself stressing over insignificant details like the color of the reception chairs or table card designs, I think of Bridezillas and it jolts me back to reality.

In case you’ve never seen the show, here’s a clip that will give you a good taste of what these bride are like. CRAzy!!!!!!!

(For the sake of the groom, I really hope that was staged….)

What’s especially interesting about the show is that each episode follows a specific and consistent plot line. The viewer follows the bride as she belittles her bridesmaids, treats her fiancé like dirt, and goes nuts over the tiniest of details. She is a living nightmare.

Yet in spite of these brides’ horrific personalities, the shows always ends the same. Magically, at the moment of the wedding ceremony the bride is transformed! As if her fairy godmother had flitted into the church and waved a wand about her, the bridezilla’s monstrous behavior is but a distant memory. While she walks down the aisle smiling sweetly, the narrator concludes that the Bridezilla has now “changed into a blushing, beautiful bride.”

It doesn’t matter that she almost called off the wedding the day before, or that she repeatedly told her fiancé how stupid he was, or that she forced her bridesmaids to gain weight since they weren’t allowed to look better than her. Without exception, the narrator always states some variation of that line–the Bridezilla is now a Princess Bride.

After awhile, this part of the show really got to me. I mean who are they fooling? Just because you slap a white dress on a girl and put a tiara on her head does not a lovely bride make. These women are absolute horrors and their fiancés should run for the hills! No spin on the situation can change that fact.

But here’s what really struck me about the whole thing–While I get so angry at the narrator for such a blatant misrepresentation of  the situation, for covering over the clear hypocrisy of the bride–promising to love and honor her husband after just having called him an idiot or a fat pig–I do not apply that same high standard of consistency and authenticity to myself.

When you think about it, Bridezillas is an illustration of the Christian life. We as Christians are the Bride of Christ. We get all dressed up and then step into the church with our best faces on. We sing songs to God, hold our hands high and take meticulous notes on the sermon.

But what were we doing just hours or days before walking into that church? Did we honor and respect our spiritual groom, or did we deny him with our words and actions? Maybe we failed to share the Gospel with a co-worker when given the chance because we were afraid of what she might think. Perhaps we gossiped about other Christians to make ourselves look better, all the while tearing down the Body of Christ. Or maybe we spent our money selfishly instead of giving of it generously.

Every day of every week we give our hearts to other lovers, the countless idols that have our true devotion. We are bridezilla Christians who fail to love, honor, and be faithful to our heavenly groom.

And while we live this life of marital infidelity to Christ, we put on a facade of purity and holiness. I am certainly guilty of this. As I walk through the doors of my church it’s as if I magically transform into “Perfect Christian.” I know just what to say and how to act. I praise God loudly and nod affirmations during the sermon. But oftentimes the image I project is about as authentic as a Bridezilla masquerading as a sweet and innocent wife-to-be. The show’s portrayal of her supposed “change” is a complete farce. And oftentimes so is mine.

While God does desire that we set aside time each week to gather in worship of Him, that time is not meant to be in contrast with the rest of our week. Nor is it a weekly spiritual pick-me-up. It is instead a natural continuation of of our every day lives, one of many ways that we praise and worship our Heavenly Father. Just one of many.

There is a reason why the Bible describes Christians as the Bride of Christ. The fresh and excited affection of a young bride is the exact image that Scripture intends to define the entire Christian life. On the day I get married, I will be enthralled with my fiancé. I will be eager and willing to give my whole self over to him, to love and respect him the rest of my life. And that is the type of love we are to embody every day of our lives–that of a bride who yearns to be united with her groom in unconditional, everlasting love. We aren’t fooling anyone if we play the part of a bride on Sunday morning, and then live as spiritual bridezillas every other day of the week.

MTV has come out with a new show that follows the lives of high school girls who are pregnant. The show is called “16 and Pregnant,” and the following trailer will give you a taste for what this mini-series has in store:

I watched the show for the first time last night, and I have really mixed feelings about it. If you only watch the first 30 minutes, it would almost seem like MTV is glamorizing the idea of teen pregnancy. All you see is young girls throwing baby showers and getting excited about how cute the baby will be.

In my opinion, that’s the last unrealistic message that MTV’s viewers need to hear. Lately the news has been peppered with stories of young girls who intentionally got pregnant for a myriad of reasons. My fiancé’s mother is a high school teacher with numerous pregnant students, and when I asked her why she thought it happened so frequently given the education schools are providing about safe sex, she replied, “Oh, they wanted it! A lot of these girls come from bad family situations where they don’t receive a lot of love and encouragement, so they think that if they have a baby then the baby will love them, or maybe they can get their boyfriend to stick around.”

That scenario is by no means true for all teens, but it is safe to say that when most young people make the fateful decision to have sex before they’re married, they’re not considering the weight of their actions. So is MTV feeding their naiveté?

Surprisingly, I don’t think so. I actually think there is some virtue to this show. (I can’t believe I just said that about MTV. Write it down, people!) First, if you hang on and watch the second half of the show, it follows the young mother after she has the child, and chronicles the hardships that she faces–her dying social life, her un-supportive boyfriend, sleepless nights and all. It’s a realistic look at how tough it can be to have a baby in high school, and it de-romanticizes any misconceptions young women might have about the process. It challenges young viewers to stop and weigh their actions.

But in addition to this strength, I can’t help but wonder if shows like this will de-stigmatize out-of-wedlock pregnancies. That is something the pro-life movement has been talking about doing for years–How do we talk about pregnancy in a way  that values life whenever it comes, and does not produce such crushing shame and hardship that women would rather get an abortion than face the world?

I think this show might serve as a positive step in this direction. While it does portray a realistic picture of teen pregnancy, and in a way that will hopefully educate young women about the consequences of their actions, it doesn’t do so in an armageddon kind of way–ie. THIS WILL END YOUR LIFE FOREVER! The show doesn’t treat babies as a curse upon humanity, but actually highlights some of the wonder of new life as well. While watching the show, I couldn’t help but swoon over how precious the little boy was, and you could see in the young mother’s eyes that she felt the same.

By chronicling the beauty AND the hardship of pregnancy, MTV strikes a careful balance between encouraging responsibility and also valuing life. From what I can tell, each of the girls featured in the show actually carried her pregnancy to term, so there is a subtext of life underlying the entire story line.

But perhaps I am being too optimistic. Anyone else have thoughts on this?

Facebook in Real Life:

(This video comes from a British comedy group called Idiots of Ants)

~~~~~~~

I still remember the first time I heard about Facebook. Some college students were explaining it to me, and in their minds it was really just a socially acceptable way of stalking people. I, of course, thought that sounded really weird and vowed never to join Facebook.

Well about 4 years later I am a Facebook junkie. I’m on it all the time, and I definitely stalk people….not in a creepy way, but in a “I need to find better things to do with my time” sort of way. I’m quite certain that if I tallied up the number of hours I spend looking at other people’s photos each week, I could have attained another educational degree by now.

But aside from the enormous time suck that Facebook is on our lives, there is something that concerns me even more–how self-involved it has become. While Facebook is a great means for keeping in touch and it has other valuable purposes as well, Facebook tempts our self-absorption with the opportunity to create a space that’s “all about me.”

What results is a near shrine to the self:

These are pictures of my happy life. These are fun facts and interesting quotes that make me so unique. And here is my relationship status, which I change every time my dating life undergoes the slightest alteration. And don’t forget my Facebook status, which enables people to follow MY EVERY MOVE.

There’s a part of me that wonders if this behavior is a result of living in a paparazzi culture in which the intimate details of celebrity lives are splashed all over the internet. There’s an extent to which we emulate those individuals we idolize. It’s like creating our own personal celebrity.

But on a more basic human sin level, Facebook (and Twitter as well) has largely become an altar for our pride. Again, it’s not that any of these technological innovations are inherently bad–they can all be used in the service of God. But are they most of the time? No. They are used in service to us.

I was talking to a friend the other day who was telling me why she got off Twitter. Apparently she was following a few people, but her phone was vibrating all the time with these updates, updates which were frequently pointless and a waste of her time. And not only that, but the updates started to make her feel bad about her own life, and her singleness in particular. Many of the updates went along the lines of “Out on a date with my beautiful wife” or “I am so lucky to be married to such a wonderful woman.”

While I don’t doubt that the Twitterer was trying to honor his wife, I can’t help but wonder if there was also a little pride mixed in as well. When I examine my own motives in using Facebook, I find they are often competitive. I want people to know how good and happy my life is, so I post photos to essentially brag about it. And if I’m going somewhere or doing something that I think will make people envious, it goes straight to my status update.

The reason this competitive spirit can be so subtle is that we describe this behavior as simply “sharing with friends.” It wouldn’t be weird for me to tell my roommates where I’m going over the weekend, especially if I was excited about it. What might be weird is if I called up all my friends simply to tell them that I was vacationing in Florida for a week. They would probably wonder why I was calling just to tell them that. They might even feel a little put off by it. Yet in some cases, that’s essentially what Facebook does.

And in doing so, we can use Facebook in ways that not only alienate others, but tear others down. In case this idea sounds a bit abstract, think about it this way–Consider the Christian woman who spends hours getting ready for church in the morning so that she can look perfect. She not only does this to look nice for church, but feel confident and to feel better about herself. Yet in doing so, she sends a message to all the women around her who did not put that much time into their exterior, and do not look as good. The women who look up to her will suddenly find themselves feeling insecure, like they don’t measure up.

We can pull off this same phenomenon with Facebook. The more time we spend glamorizing our lives and broadcasting the things that make us look good, the more we convey to others where our real security lies.

So while I don’t think we should all swear off Facebook, and there are certainly Christ-centered ways of using it, I personally am not a great example of that. This is an area in which I must constantly check my own motives, especially given that hundreds of people can be impacted by such public choices. If you’ve spent any time “stalking” other people on Facebook then you KNOW other people are stalking you, so when they visit your Facebook page or follow you on Twitter, what are they REALLY learning about your life? What message are you sending? What is truly the center of your life?

The best rule of thumb for this, and really all areas of our lives, is to ask the following question: “In posting this, writing this, or spending countless hours following others who do, am I loving God and am I loving my neighbor?” If you cannot answer a definitive yes, then it’s best not to do it at all. That might sound harsh, but it draws a dividing line between real friendship, real Christian community, and a way of relating to others that is inherently fake.

Last night I was reminded why I quit watching Grey’s Anatomy. I decided to tune in this week because I heard one of the main characters might get killed off and that sounded entertaining. But I was disappointed. Not only did no one die, but I am now certain that the writers are intentionally producing a morally subversive show.

Now I know a lot of you who are reading this right now are obsessed with Grey’s. I am not writing this post today as a diatribe against your favorite show, so hang with me as I explain my thought process. I promise there’s a point.

To begin, I spent almost the entire length of the show in a state of total fury. My roommate and I had to restrain one another from throwing furniture at the t.v. as the characters delivered some of the most ridiculous, morally backwards lines that I have heard in a long time.

Two of the characters “got married” by signing a post-it note of their vows. It was meant to be a kind of romantic gesture since they “didn’t have time” to get married in a legally binding way. Later in the show, a different character left her husband because he asked her to be around the family more instead of advancing her career. The female doctor nobly shed tears as she declared her husband to be a “weak man” for giving her such an unreasonable ultimatum.

In both of these scenes the music swelled in the background, signaling to the viewer the deep and meaningful significance of the characters’ actions. I rolled my eyes.

What really bothers me about these plot lines is the way they ennoble destructive decision-making and morally bankrupt behavior. A selfish mother and wife is hailed as a brave pioneer for women’s rights in the workplace. Two people who are too busy to even make public vows are somehow expected to do the hard work of making an entire life together, just because they signed a post-it note, on a whim, and decided to call that a wedding.

The title of the episode was “Here’s to Future Days.” It should have been called “Here’s Why Our Nation’s Divorce Rate is So High.”

Watching this show makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills. The moral compass isn’t even on the dial. But like I said, the purpose of this post is not to cast judgment on those of you who are faithful watchers. While I think Grey’s Anatomy symbolizes a lot of what is wrong with our culture today, that also means we should pay attention.

Grey’s Anatomy is popular today, not simply because it has compelling story lines, but but because it dignifies, if not exalts those lifestyles that characterize a large portion of Americans. In today’s culture, it is not uncommon for couples to co-habitate before marriage, or for marriages to crumble for the sake of career advancement. It happens all the time. And in Grey’s Anatomy, viewers find an affirmation of their lifestyle.

That said, the Christian response to shows like Grey’s is not to boycott them. In contrast with my gut reaction, we are not to throw bricks at our television sets and write letters of complaint to the stations that air them. Nor should we passively watch these shows, explaining it away as our one “guilty pleasure.” Instead, we need to study them.

When we watch popular television shows, we are given a glimpse into the morality of the secular mind. It is a kind of lesson about the worldview of our day. And rather than simply reject this alternative perspective, we must seek to understand it. If we can figure out how and why Americans buy into the moral principles these shows portray, we can establish some common ground for conversation. Rather than isolate ourselves from the culture, we build bridges for communication.

Now I am not letting you off the hook for watching total trash just because you like it. If you aren’t careful, the shows you watch will shape you more than you will ever realize. BUT, there is an extent to which we must engage the culture and have a sense for its spiritual pulse. It’s almost like studying a foreign culture before you embark on the mission field. If you go overseas but subsequently stay in your home, refuse to learn the language, and never adapt to the country’s customs, you will reach no one.

It is the same with American culture. You can live in the U.S. your entire life, but if you hide away in a Christian bubble you will have just as much in common with your neighbors as you might with villagers in the mountains of Tibet.

So if you watch Grey’s I’m not gonna tell you to stop, but do be aware of the morality they are selling, and pay attention. Chances are your classmates and co-workers are eating it up with a spoon, so engage the perspective and figure out how to respond to it. Like any diligent missionary, we need to learn the language of our culture so that we can use it to share the message of Christ.

This week I am in Nashville attending the National Collegiate Summit for college ministers, and I just got word that Nashville has seen its first school closing due to the swine flu.

Upon hearing this news, I went back to my hotel room to investigate the reason for the school closing, and apparently there are two suspected cases of swine flu in the state.

What’s interesting is that the school here in Nashville has not closed its doors for just one day, or even two. It’s going to be closed for 7 whole days! I’m assuming that there is a scientific reason behind this specific amount of time, but 7 days seems a bit on the cautious side.

In light of stories like this, I’m starting to wonder if this whole swine flu thing is getting overblown. Just consider these statistics:

- The World Health Organization says there are 109 confirmed cases with 1 death in the U.S., out of a population of more than 300 million people

- Contrast that percentage with the more than 13,000 people in the U.S. who have died of complications from seasonal flu since January. Seasonal flu is expected to continue killing hundreds of people a week. In total, about 36,000 people a year die from the flu in the United States and worldwide. The annual death toll is somewhere between 250,000 and 500,000 (Statistics taken from cnn.com)

If anything, the pandemic we should be fearing is the old school flu that we grew up getting shots for. If the regular flu kills so many people, why don’t we see more Americans wearing masks each year during flu season?

While I don’t want to be foolish and underestimate the potential devastation of this virus, it seems plausible that the swine flu is being a little over-sensationalized.

What is ironic about the timing of this “pandemic” is that it coincided with a seminar I attended earlier today on a similar topic. Only, this seminar addressed the escalating panic surrounding church decline. In the same way that news outlets are inundating their listeners with hourly updates of the spread of swine flu, pastors across the nation are frightening their congregations with statistics about Christianity’s decline.

And just like the swine flu, it’s not altogether clear whether the statistics match the rhetoric. While I do not know the plans that God has for this country, current studies do not indicate the need for such a frenzy.

The seminar I attended was led by Ed Stetzer, the President of Lifeway Research, and his organization has conducted numerous studies on the un-churched demographic of America. His findings are quite remarkable. (You can check them out at his blog, edstetzer.com)

What Lifeway has found is that the younger un-churched generation, aged 20-29, tends to be more spiritual and more open to conversations about Christianity than the un-churched generations that are 30 years and older. Here is just a sampling of what Lifeway found:

- Does God or a supreme being exist? 81% of 20-29 year-olds said yes, while only 79% of 30+ year-olds answered yes

- Do you believe Jesus died and came back to life? 66% of 20-29 year-olds said yes, and only 54% of 30+ year-olds said yes

- “I would study the Bible with a friend if they asked”: 61% of 20-29 year-olds said yes, and 42% of 30+ years-olds said yes

In addition to these numbers, Lifeways studies indicate that there has been very little decline in church attendance over the last decade. Though there has been some decline, the numbers are not extreme.

What’s more, there has not been a significant rise in the percentage of American atheists. Currently it is at 4%, which is not much different from past trends.

All of that to say, if you ever hear a statistic that 88% of evangelical children leave the faith when they graduate from high school, that simply isn’t true. Many do leave the faith, but not nearly to such an extent.

With that in mind, why are Christians so quick to quote exaggerated statistics about the decline in American Christianity? Because fear works. Scaring people results in action, as evidenced by the number of school closings and face masks that you see around the country right now. If anything, we should have been protecting ourselves more effectively from the seasonal flu, but the media didn’t hype it up so we didn’t get scared, and we subsequently failed to act with the same measure of caution.

Now to offer a slightly less cynical perspective, pastors also use this strategy because Christians need to care about the lost more than they do. Many Christians are certainly apathetic, and if we continue in this complacency the Church will decline.

What is problematic about the scare tactic is that we shouldn’t need to sensationalize the Gospel. While we should care about the health of the Church in America and we should feel a burden to reach the lost, it shouldn’t take dramatic statistics to motivate us. We shouldn’t be waiting for the situation to reach its worst before we finally get off our butts and do something.

Regardless of the statistics, regardless of whether Americans churches are growing or dying, we should be preaching the Gospel. After all, the word “gospel” literally means “good news,” and if you have good news, TRULY good news, you spread it! You tell the world, every person around you that you can possibly get to listen, about the good news that has changed your life and can change theirs. That is the call of every Christian regardless of context or circumstances, so we shouldn’t sit back and relax simply because the numbers aren’t dire yet.

We might also consider viewing these statistics as a kind of encouragement. For those of us who labor, we have not labored in vain! God IS faithful and He IS using our hard work, so we must press on. God does not need scare tactics to compel people to care about the Gospel–the news is good enough on its own.

And as the statistics seem to indicate, the un-churched are ready to hear it.

Monday night I happened to tune in for an intriguing episode of MTV’s hit show “The Hills.” I haven’t seen the show in a long time, so it was ironic that this particular episode featured an awkward interaction between the main characters and some evangelical Christians.

In case you don’t follow the show, the episode went like this–one of the main characters, Heidi, is in a volatile relationship with her live-in boyfriend Spencer. However, her ex-boyfriend comes into town to visit, so the tumultuous duo decide to have dinner with the ex and his own current girlfriend.

Now here comes the plot twist: the ex-boyfriend is now at Bible college. He and his girlfriend are conservative evangelicals, so the interaction doesn’t involve the typical ex-boyfriend awkwardness that one might expect. Instead, the episode follows the Christians’ noble attempt to witness to Heidi and Spencer.

After a few scenes in which the Christian couple takes various moral stances, such as refusing to drink alcohol at dinner because “nothing good comes of it”, they eventually convince Heidi and Spencer to join them in a Bible study. And that’s when things get really interesting.

Prior to the study, Spencer had asked them, “Is there really a verse in the Bible that says premarital sex is wrong?” Initially they didn’t seem to know the answer to this question, even though they had just defended their decision to remain abstinent until marriage. But now that they’d had the time to do some research, they had an answer.

The Bible does address the issue of premarital sex, they respond. Then the Christian girl explains to Spencer, “In the Bible, the word used for it is ‘fornification.’”

And with that, my heart immediately sank.

Now I’m going to be honest with you–I generally hate scenarios like this on television, because the Christians almost always come out looking like idiots. But in this case I was genuinely cheering for these two! They seemed very sincere in their desire to honor God and be a witness to Christ, and I was rooting for them. I wanted them to succeed!

And to some extent, I think they did. They’re honesty and integrity seemed to have quite an impact on Heidi, despite the pronunciatory slip-up. They certainly did their best, and God will bless their efforts.

However, such stories are all too common within the Church. Christians will be uncompromising in their beliefs, morals, and lifestyle choices, all in the name of Christ. But when pressed in the slightest bit, it quickly becomes apparent that they haven’t the slightest idea about what Scripture actually says.

In the instance I just described, the young lady was a stalwart defender of sexual abstinence, yet she seemed to be encountering the word “fornication” for the first time. Given that this particular word serves as one of the strongest statements against premarital sex in all of Scripture, her unfamiliarity with it is worrying. In Greek, the word clearly refers to extra-marital sexual relationships, but her belief in abstinence did not appear to be based upon this information at all.

If we are to have any credibility in the world around us, we need to know why we believe what we believe–not vaguely, or even philosophically, but Scripturally. Especially if we are going to be outspoken or dogmatic about an issue.

If you are a strong proponent of the pro-life movement, then you need to know the Scripture supporting it. If you are going to avoid clubs or drinking alcohol, then you need to have the related Scripture readily available. If you’re not going to sleep with your boyfriend, then be sure you know what Scripture has to say about it when your friends ask you why.

If we fail to back our beliefs with Scripture, then our beliefs aren’t particularly “Christian” at all. They are instead abstract moral philosophies, no different from any other ethical or religious system in the world.

But our beliefs and behaviors ARE different. We are not to obey the Word of God out of obligation or because it makes us feel better about ourselves. We follow the Word of God because it not only honors Him, but because it provides us with the only path to freedom from the trappings of this world.

When we defend our positions with Scripture, as opposed to opinion, we may still be met with rejection. For some, the truth of God will be foolishness no matter how it is presented. But we are not responsible for them. We are only responsible for ourselves, and as long as we bear the name of “Christian,” we better well know what Christ actually said.