Why I Married a Younger Man

Sharon Dating, Marriage 19 Comments

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This week I will be celebrating my husband’s birthday. On Wednesday he will turn 26. I, on the other hand, am 29. And I turn 30 in March.

To be perfectly honest, I was very insecure about our age difference for a long time. In fact, I avoided the topic for the first several months that we dated. I felt so weird about it, plus I always thought I would marry someone older. The age difference consequently led me to drag my feet for quite awhile.

But eventually Ike won me over with his character. There was nothing about his maturity or wisdom that indicated he was any younger. He consistently impressed me and cared for me with excellence. Throughout the course of our dating relationship, he conducted himself like a total gentleman.

Eventually, my hang-ups about the age difference began to seem silly. After all, if Demi Moore could do it why not me? KIDDING! But seriously, for all the times I had heard that women date older men because women mature much faster, Ike broke the mold. He was more mature than a lot of women I knew.

As a result of my own experience, I came up with a tongue-in-cheek rule that I have started telling my single friends: Most guys are about as mature as they’re going to become by the time they reach the age of 24. If they haven’t matured by that point, then they probably won’t mature a WHOLE lot more. That’s why some 25 year-old men act like wise-beyond-their-years adults, while some 35 year-old men act like middle-schoolers.

Now please don’t take the above “rule” too seriously. I say it mostly in jest. But there is also some truth to it. At a time when women in the church outnumber men by a ratio of 3 to 2, women are too quick to rule out younger men because of preconceived notions about age difference. What women should instead look for is godliness, wisdom, and responsibility.

However, the burden is not on women alone. To my single guy readers, don’t be afraid to ask out a woman if she is older. I have a cousin who is the same age as me, and she recently married a man 4 years younger. Another one of my friends is in an amazing relationship with a man 3 years younger. If you act like a man, women will treat you like one.

I would also encourage you to consider older women for the same reason that women like older men: there can be a real difference in maturity. I am certainly a different woman than I was 5 years ago, and my husband has benefited from that growth. Our relationship would have probably been rockier had we met when I was younger. Of course women mature at different rates, as do men, but it is certainly something to consider. Plus, all my husband’s friends think he’s a total STUD for marrying an older woman! (Ok I promise that’s my last terrible argument for the day) πŸ™‚

All of that to say, I didn’t marry a younger man because he is younger. Age really had nothing to do with it. I married him because he loves Jesus and he makes me a better woman, as well as a stronger follower of Christ. He is good and kind and smart and strong, and on this week of his birthday I praise God that he was born…no matter what year it was.

Comments 19

  1. Richard Hodde

    Coming from an older man: Your β€œRule of 24” is not farfetched. I think it may actually apply for many men. However, as you have experienced, a man’s maturity level is affected by his experiences. My early years were tough emotionally and I had no good frame of reference for how a man should handle himself. So, I had to figure things out for myself, which hindered my maturity development. By 24, because of my experiences, I was behind where I could have been emotionally. My only advice to young ladies is to not marry a man believing you can change your husband’s maturity. Some men never really β€œgrow up.”

  2. Kristel

    Yup, I married a younger man…sure, he’s only a month younger but STILL. πŸ˜‰ I joke with him all the time about it…especially that one month when our ages don’t match up. In fact we got married during that month, so I always tease him that he was only 22 when he got married while I was a wiser 23 year old. πŸ˜‰
    Silly.
    But you’re right, age isn’t as important as being a strong follower of Christ.

  3. Kristen

    This was fun to read cuz! Thanks for the little cameo too! Woohoo for younger Godly men who love us dearly!

    I love and miss you!

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  5. Nicole Rosell

    I was always one of those girls who never thought I would date a younger guy. In fact, when my friend started dating one 4 years younger, I thought it was gross.
    Lol God proved me wrong. I’ve been best friends with a guy for 2 years now, and he’s 4 years younger then me. Our friendship blossomed into more, and he’s now my amazing, Godly, MATURE boyfriend. He’s more mature then most guys my age. I will never look down at people dating someone younger now. Loved this post

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  7. Stephanie

    My boyfriend and I are almost 3 years apart and I am the older one. Most my friends gave me a really hard time about it in the beginning, but now that we’ve been together for just over 2 years, they don’t mention it anymore. We are well matched in maturity most of the time. Sometimes, he is more mature in certain situations and sometimes I am. We both love the LORD first and each other second and that makes a big difference, I think!

    1. Barbie

      As a Christian woman, my teenage years were spent praying for a nice, godly, responsible Christian mature man. I thought he HAD to be older in order to be more mature! πŸ˜‰ However, in my freshman year of college I began a very sweet friendship with a very nice, godly, responsible Christian mature man: three years younger. Now, I can tell God is giggling with delight at the match we are. Next month, my best friend and I will continue our precious relationship but as a dating couple. Our relationship has been a bit rocky as we evaluated our relationships with Christ in order to maintain our focus point on serving God to the best of our ability. After each talk and glance, we grow closer and closer. God has given me such sweet love and admiration with this man who has proven to me that age is NEVER a barrier in maturity and leadership, and that God has a lovely sense of humor. πŸ˜‰

  8. Lesego

    Wow, there is a guy I have recently felt a strong connection with, have tried to avoid it but we are growing closer and am falling for him. Been trying to justify why we can’t be together because he is 4years younger. Thank youi for this

  9. Helena

    I absolutely love this! Thank you so much! Am currently dating someone 6 years younger than me and initially I felt EXACTLY as you have describe! This article is spot-on, perfectly accurate and made me laugh and feel so much better! Like everyone else has already quipped, “Jesus first, each other second”

  10. Trinity

    Just this year a very close friend of mine opened up and told me he was falling inlove with me and even though i like him too its been real hard because he is a month younger, i just didnt picture myself with a younger guy lol so am still praying about it to see if we can actualy pursue a relationship but its a very scary thing for me lol so thanx for this post it makes me realise am not crazy lol will see what the future holds.. he is such an amazing guy who loves Jesus and treats me right so maybe i will date him lol

  11. Nomia

    I have no words to describe how I feel about your article but am flattered.am one of those women he is 5yrs younger he is so amazing a gentlemen but am still a bit ashamed for others to know but if it happens is still fine we gave 3 btful kids n we r 7yrs togeda.thank u veri much.onli my little brada knows n we all love God.thankx again

  12. Nneka

    Thanks,u all just made me feel am not alone.Am currently dating a man younger than me with 2 years.I love him so much and he loves me too the most amazing thing of all is that he is so so matured in his reasoning and he always put God first and for me I just want the will of God to b done cos we will b getting married soon.

  13. Mc

    What a nice story! I am about to marry my boyfriend who is 5 years younger than me and I’m still anxious and insecure about it. It’s now affecting our relationship because I am so worried about our ages (he’s 23 and I’m 28). Lately I even feel depressed about it.. It shouldn’t be this way, right?

  14. Annie

    I can really really relate on this.
    I know someone who has a same faith with me.He loves Jesus, but I am bothered with our age gap. I am 4-year older than him.

  15. Nvenyani

    wow you guys made my day thank you all so very much
    see in all my life i had never met a girl who was mature enough to understand me until i met faith we fell in love but soon discovered our age gap she is two years older than me
    everything went bad from that point she tried to avoid me for as long as she could she even pretended not to love me but she breaks down when i tell her i love her i felt all alone thank you for talking about this may God richly bless you

  16. Hazel

    All these are amazing and encouraging comments and I totally appreciate God for this site. I am a relationship with a guy 4 years younger. We met in the work place and became best friends for 3months before dating officially for 9 months now. I truly love the experience God has allowed us to have. And true to all your comments, he is more mature and has great wisdom. He has taught me a lot too..and I’ve grown a lot since I met him. In a relationship, both parties have weaknesses not related to age. Prayers and communication have helped us a lot and we thank God.
    May all women dating younger men feel encouraged and blessed. I never thought I would because the first relationship I had the guy was a few months younger and I broke the relationship because of that.
    God has shown his mightiness and sovereignty and I’ve learnt to follow his will.
    Thank you all for your comments. Please let’s pray for each other and put the enemy in his place.
    I love you all. And may all your relationships and marriages be abundantly blessed.

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