Well it’s hard to believe that Lent is over and my blogging fast has ended! Thank you to all the wonderful people who supported me in my decision. It meant a lot to be loved and missed, but I am also confident that it was the right decision. Not only was it a tremendous time of rest, but it highlighted some especially stubborn areas of sin in my life.
In particular, this time has taught me how slyly and sinisterly my motives run askew. I discussed this some in my last post, but it became all the more clear over the last 40 days. Every time someone commented on how much better my writing would probably be as a result of this fast, I secretly thought, “I sure hope so!” Obviously the simple desire to write well is not wrong, but at the heart of this desire is an ugly self-interest. A part of me wanted to use this fast, which was meant for God, to serve my own gain.
However, this self-serving orientation did not begin with my blog. It has been entrenched in my heart throughout the course of my life. And while God has certainly refined me over the years, I am still very much interested in my own personal success, placing God’s glory at a distant second. For a blog titled “She Worships,” it seems as though a name like “She Worships Herself” would be more fitting.
Fortunately, there is hope! While this season has opened my eyes to the stubbornness of my pride, I have also seen growth. For instance, God used this time to remind me of my own unimportance. I know that sounds a little self-deprecating, but for a pride-addict like me it was a healthy antidote. When I stopped blogging, the world did not fall to pieces and I continued to have meaningful ministry opportunities as well. Whereas I used to agonize over missing a few days of blogging, I now have a healthier perspective on my role in God’s work. Yes, I matter, but only as much as any other member of the Body of Christ.
Finally, this fast has reminded me why I need the Gospel every day. Even the good things in my life, the things I love to do and the gifts I enjoy to exercise, can become prisons of my own making. If I am not careful to remember that I am free in Christ and that there is NOTHING I can do to add to my salvation or improve my value, I will slip into a production driven ministry.
Freedom is a reality I have to fight for. To some of you, this blog fast may have seemed silly or difficult to relate to, but my writing idolatry is attached to something deeper and more dangerous. My heart perpetually gravitates towards bondage and destruction, and I take that temptation very seriously. If I don’t keep it in check, my freedom in Christ will be freedom in name alone.
That is why my main take-away lesson from the last 40 days is to change my writing schedule. It may not look much different on the outside, but I’m going to stop writing for the purpose of blog traffic. I’m going to stop writing so that fresh material is always up. Instead, I will only write when I feel free to, not because I have to. And I will only write when the Spirit provokes. If I have something to say, then I will write. Otherwise, I’ll let it lie. It’s funny how inaction can be the most powerful action you take.
Thanks again for all the love and support! I love my wonderful blog community!!