Jacob Waited, And So Can Your Boyfriend

Sharon Dating, Purity, Self-control, Sex 8 Comments

Man beggingOne of my favorite stories from my early courtship with Ike (my fiancé) begins with my initial belief that he was a TOTAL sketchball.

My perception of him largely originated from the way we met–he was being auctioned off at a charity date auction. And no, I did NOT bid on him. I was there to support a friend–totally innocent on my part. In his defense, Ike claims it was “all for a good cause” but I wasn’t so sure.

As a result of my initial impression, Ike spent the following 2 months convincing me otherwise. Week after week he took me on dates, but not once did he ever make a move. He never tried to kiss me, put his arm around me, hold my hand, or really even touch me. At first it was nice, but after awhile I started to wonder if he was even attracted to me…or girls, for that matter. No guy had ever been so stand-offish before. Maybe he just liked taking girls out to dinner and paying for them?

Eventually he came clean and said that he wanted to make our relationship official. But even then I wasn’t sure about him. I needed more time. And time he gave me. We continued to go out and he continued to be a gentleman as he waited on me.

Now here’s where the story gets good: One night I was talking to him about how I STILL wasn’t ready to make things official, and I was very apologetic about it. I felt bad for making him wait so long. Ike’s response is something that I will never ever forget:

(Warning: if you have an aversion to slightly cheesy, uber romantic dating moments, avert your eyes now!)

“Sharon, when I think of you I realize how Jacob felt when he worked for 7 years to marry Rachel, but it only felt like a day. That’s how I feel about you. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

At that moment I’m fairly certain that I swooned. I had never heard anything so beautiful in my life, and it’s one of the reasons that I am engaged to him now.

But it also gave me a great perspective on dating. Many of my past dating relationships have been characterized by a sense of hurried urgency. We couldn’t stand to be away from one another, everything moved super fast, and the physical stuff was well on its way before the relationship was even official. There was very little waiting.

When it comes to romance, we hate to wait.

But when you meet the right guy, he’s going to have a vested interest in doing things right. He recognizes the precious treasure of winning your heart, so he’s willing to work for it. Just look at Jacob–he was hardly the poster child for honesty and integrity! He was not the kind of guy you’d bring home to dad. On the contrary, he was a scheming cheater and a liar.

But as soon as he laid eyes on Rachel, that boy snapped right into shape. He suddenly developed a work ethic. He honored the wishes of his father-in-law more than he’d honored his own father. He wanted to do everything just right because he wanted Rachel to be his wife, and that’s what she deserved.

That is the kind of behavior that godly women must wait for. Don’t date a guy with the secret hopes that he’s going to change–if he isn’t changing now then he won’t change when you’re married. And when it comes to the physical stuff, don’t put up with a guy who wants to sleep with you now because he can’t wait until marriage, or he simply doesn’t have any self-control. If he’s sleeping with you, then he doesn’t respect you the way God has called him to.

(And by the way, if Jacob could wait 7 years, your bf can certainly wait a few!)

This also goes for sleeping over. Even if you’re not having sex, there’s still a temptation to share a bed since it all seems innocent enough. And I can relate–it’s hard to send Ike packing at night when I know we’ll be getting married soon. Why not ease into the married life now? But Ike would never do that. The reason he waits for me now is the same reason he waited back then: I am worth it. Our relationship is worth it. Our future marriage is worth it. And most importantly, his commitment to Christ is worth it.

So stand for nothing less. Just because a guy isn’t respecting you now doesn’t mean you won’t find someone else who does. Plenty of guys refused to wait for me, but I found one who did. And let me tell you, it was WELL worth the wait!

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Comments 8

  1. Leia

    That’s really good. I hate all these guys who want to rush into stuff. They want to kiss you right away and get married 6 months later. It’s crazy.

    Being friends first is always good and yeah…true love grows. People think I’m weird for wanting to take my time…but why not…if it’s going to be a decision that will last my whole life I DON’T WANT TO RUSH.

    I agree with your blog. Good job.

  2. Jerry S

    Great story Sharon. I confess, I was guilty of rushing things with my GF who is now my wife. We accelerated things in Bible College and married less than 6 months after we met. We both wished we had done things differently and taken our time. But, she swept me off of my feet and she was very attracted to me. We ate all three meals together in college along with Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. We cramed a lot of courting into 4 months of college and one months over a semester break. We both quit college and never went back. She got hired right away at a Christian School and I was hired by a local bank. We got married 38 years ago and are more in love than ever. Yes, I was pushy, but I changed and repented so that my life reflected God’s word.

    God bless,

    Jerry (and Susan), full-time missionaries to the sexually broken

  3. Sue

    In the article, you mention: “…But when you meet the right guy, he’s going to have a vested interest in doing things right. He recognizes the precious treasure of winning your heart, so he’s willing to work for it.”…HA! YEAH RIGHT! ONLY in my DREAMS will THAT ever happen! Guys nowadays don’t seem to work that way anymore..very sad, but too true! If you don’t “put out”(Sexually) they go pursuing someone else who will! That’s why us women who strive to be “virtuous” have given up any real hope of marrying…SAD but true in this mixed up immoral world we live in!!

  4. Post
    Author
    Sharon

    As a 28 year old woman who just got home from my honeymoon 2 days ago, I can thankfully attest that there ARE still men like that out there. My husband and I wanted to have sex many times, but it was very important to both of us to wait. In fact, he was diligent about it. It was very important to him that we wait, not only for his own holiness, but for mine as well.

    I know numerous other men who were just as committed to their wives’ purity prior to marriage, so these guys are definitely out there. I know many of them at my church. But there are also guys at my church who are NOT committed to guarding their sisters’ purity, so you have to be discerning. I fear, however, that if you give up too easily, you will be missing out on the amazing blessings that come in waiting, and I say this as a woman who was single long enough to know.

  5. Sue

    Sharon, you’re 28 and you…”say this as a woman who was single long enought to know”….OK, that may be true, but you’re ONLY 28! Hon, I’m almost 50 years old and have been waiting, waiting and still waiting! WHAT “…blessings that come in waiting”? I see NONE, in my case, except MAYBE God’s protecting me from all those sexe-crazed men out there! Yes, I’ve given up! I’m willing to make ANYONE a HUGE bet that the “right” Godly guy will NEVER come my way! And…I WILL win such a bet! 28 years is not really a long wait….try 50!

  6. Bonnie

    Sue, in many ways, I understand where you’re coming from. I’m 52 and never married and like every little girl, the desire of my heart was to be married and have children. I was mad at God, mad at men, mad at my girlfriends who got married, mad at the world. Until I spent time, lots of soul searching, pour out my heart time with the Lover of my Soul, the One who has promised to be my Husband. And everything changed. Slowly, but it changed. His love sustains me, fulfills me, satisfies me in ways I never dreamed. Rest in Him, truly believing that his ways are higher than yours and that He has a plan for you, a plan to give you a hope and a future. It may be with a husband, or it may not. And until he changes the desires of your heart, PRAY fervently. But don’t settle. As tempting as it is, wait for the man who honors you, who is your spiritual leader, who exemplifies Christ to you and makes you a better person. For me, the blessing in waiting is knowing Christ more and truly believing He has not forgotten me or forsaken me.

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