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Why are all the godly men married?

By April 16, 20098 Comments

Wedding ringAs a single woman, I remember going to Christian concerts or conferences or seminars in which I would watch a young, good looking guy on stage who seemed so in love with the Lord, and so passionate and articulate about his faith, that it made my heart flutter. THAT was the guy for me!

I just knew we were supposed to get married, and I day-dreamed about the way that we would meet–maybe he would see me across the lobby later on that night, be captivated by my beauty and just HAVE to talk to me. Or, he would see me in the audience, and I would look so worshipful and in love with God that he would know we were meant to be together. He’d never seen anyone look so beautiful as she worshiped God!

And we’d get married and travel the world together telling people about Jesus–maybe he would lead worship, and then I would be the main speaker at arena events. Kind of a Chris Tomlin-Beth Moore combo.

That is how I knew my life would play out. That is, until I made the horrible discovery. I looked down at his hand, and there it was–a wedding ring.

My entire life plans were crushed in an instant.

As a result of experiences such as these, I frequently found myself asking, “Why are all the godly men already married?” I figured that there must have been some sort of fire sale while I was in college, and if you didn’t snatch up your husband then, the supply ran out. All that was left were the guys that nobody else wanted.

As a single woman, it’s very easy to feel this way, and to such an extent that it feels VERY real. In my more sane moments I knew that there were, in fact, plenty of solid, single Christian guys around, but it was on the lonely days that I genuinely feared there weren’t any left.

So in the face of this fear, on those days when it seems as though all the godly men have gone off and gotten married, leaving an over-abundance of single gals behind, how are women to respond?

The first is to open your eyes and look around you. Maybe you don’t know any Chris Tomlin types, and maybe all the pastors at your church are married, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any godly, single men left. Being godly does not equal being on stage.

I have single guy friends who serve in the youth ministry, the college ministry, the children’s ministry, the new members ministry, organizing mission trips, and teaching Sunday school classes. Their jobs may be less visible, but their commitment to serve, even when it’s not glamorous, says a great deal about their character.

So on behalf of all my single guy friends who are totally on fire for the Lord, I’ve gotta give a shout out to them. Ladies, they are definitely out there, and they are DEFINITELY worth waiting for.

But the second thing you need to consider in the face of this fear is its root. Where is the fear coming from? To become so afraid of something that you begin to think irrationally is a clear indicator of a spiritual issue. Even if you are not controlled by this fear, even if you have only had this thought in passing, you need to take a good, hard look at it.

What does this fear say about your belief that God is in control? Are you afraid that God wanted to provide you with a husband, but accidentally ran out of men? Does God only reward those women who go out and hunt for a husband early on? Or another thought I had as a young woman–was I not pretty enough to get married straight out of college?

All of these questions, and there are many more, are rooted in lies and misconceptions about God, and ourselves. We are not trusting that God will provide, and we are wondering if there is something inherently wrong with us. The fear that “all the godly men are married” is just a symptom of this spiritual confusion.

So if you find yourself asking this question, stop yourself and instead reflect upon why you are asking it. No, all the godly men are not married, and even if you don’t know a single Christian man in your entire city, if God wants you to get married then He is certainly capable of making that happen. After all, he pulled a rib out of Adam’s side to give him a mate, so I think God can handle your love life.

So the main question is whether you are being fulfilled in Christ NOW. As long as you allow that void in your heart to dwell, then those fears will continue to creep in on you. But if you fill that void with Christ, then those fears will have no foothold. You will simply have nothing to fear.

*And for further reading on this topic, check out Exodus, and the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000. Both are stories of scarcity, and God’s over-abundant provision in response. It is a good reminder about the character of the God who created you.


  • MTNH says:

    can’t believe you wrote this on the 16th.
    Few days ago I wrote an email to a friend on the very same issue.
    Thank you for reminding me that even the mere trace of the thought/complaint/fear “no godly man left for me” is a sign to re-think trust issues w/ God. And who God is to me. Thank you so much, this really is quite encouraging and thought-provoking.

  • katy says:

    love it! : )

    beautifully written, a great reminder, and directed to the heart of the issue.

    …and, i think i may post on the mirror in the ladie’s room:

    “…if God wants you to get married then He is certainly capable of making that happen. After all, he pulled a rib out of Adam’s side to give him a mate, so I think God can handle your love life.”

    thank you for sharing with us.

  • sherri says:

    I used to be a bit worried that there wouldn’t be many godly men around when I got healed (had chronic fatigue syndrome for 8 years.) But when I finally did get healed I was almost tripping over them, they seemed to be everywhere I turned.

    They’re definatly out there, but it’s finding the right one for ‘me’ that’s been the problem. People can say ‘you’re too picky’ but that’s not the case. I just want a guy who’s at the same place on the journey as me and I can be soulmates with. Even a similar sense of humour would be a major bonus.
    So I’m still trusting. Amazing guys every way I look (mind you I hang out at some pretty awesome churchs and ministries) but still I’m waiting.

    And the thing is,although we’re supposed to be trusting God because he loves us (and believe me I’ve given this advice out enough myself to other singles)the reality is, some women trust God and can still be waiting in their 40’s or 50’s. Beyond childbearing years with what – retirement to look forward to with the man they’ve been waiting for all their lives. That’s pretty sucky.
    And it happens.
    I’ve met enough single women in that category.
    So I guess none of us have an actual guarantee, and that’s where the fear comes in.

    And people can say, oh, but you should be grateful for all those single years when you could have been serving God. Afterall you were still breathing. But would they want that? Of course not, so it’s a pretty patronising thing to say. And, well you don’t really need children I mean afterall, think of all the spiritual children you can serve in their place. It’s not the same thing.

    So although I agree with you essentially, I also think that it’s not irrational for women to fear missing out. But then if that fear wasn’t there, we wouldn’t need faith.

    So yeah. I agree with your points overall but I’m just venting. Some women do miss out and that’s the unfortunate reality.

    I believe that there are reasons for that spiritually (the same as God wants to heal everybody, but not everybody gets healed.) however it does happen.

  • sherri says:

    PS. And just a funny story to go with that. In the last couple of years of the CFS I started attending a mega-church because of all the guys there. I knew it wasn’t where God wanted me at the time, but it was also the only church I could get to on public transport (which was really a lack of trust issue, I should have stepped out) but anyway, I figured I was making it ‘easier’ for God to hook me up with someone.
    The whole two years while I was surrounded by what, 5,000 or so single men (between various services) I think I met about 3 of them. Rofl. True story.
    But when I finally left, I started bumping into them all over the place. One ministry I started attending after I got healed, I think they made up about half the ministry team. Top class guys.

    So it just goes to show.

    Obedience works.

  • saalu reuben says:

    it is very good to get married because in Gensis 1:28 God say we should married and multiply childern so it is a law or is good to married.

  • saalu reuben says:

    thank you god blessed you as you go through my written. It is adviceable to marry. of i hav’st but if the time comes i will.

  • Morgan says:

    Wow! Thank You, I really needed to read this.

  • Erin says:

    I’m almost 37, single, always have been because I have been waiting for a Godly man. I haven’t met many…in years! My church has only 1 guy in his 30s and I’m not intereseted…and I live in a huge city. Hmm, not sure about this ‘timing’ thing. I know I have to trust and stay in faith, but do see how fear creeps in . It would be nice for those that want to have children to be blessed with a spouse before they enter their late 30s…not sure why I’ve not met him yet…just hanging in there…

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