Theology for Women

One of my favorite verses in all of Scripture is Hebrews 11:8. It goes like this:

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

The reason I love this verse is that it so frequently reflects where I am in life. Every now and then, (kind of like right now!) I feel like I’m just floating along through life with no particular direction. Do you ever have those times? There doesn’t even have to be something specifically bad going on in your life–it’s just that you feel kind of blah about it all. There’s nothing really driving you because you don’t feel that strongly about anything that you’re doing with your life, whether it be your job, school, or even your faith. Now I may be the only one who ever feels that way, but I feel like that a lot, actually.

It’s really hard to move forward when you don’t know where you’re going. It’s hard to get excited about life when there’s nothing really substantive about which you can get excited. For some of you, the idea of getting up every morning at 6am to go to a lame job where you hate the people you work with for 8 hours each day can suck the life out of you. For others, you may absolutely hate school, and you are counting down the days until you graduate. And then for some it’s more of a spiritual battle. Your faith doesn’t have the same newness and excitement it had when you first became a Christian. I can’t tell you how many times I have sat in church thinking, “What am I doing here? Is this for real, or am I kidding myself and I’m merely singing to the sky because there’s nobody up there who is actually listening?”

Whatever your wilderness is, and no matter how it plays out, it always feels harshly bleak. It’s tough to keep going, and it’s hard to be excited about the life that you’ve been given since you question every aspect of it. But how do we push through such a season, especially when it feels interminably long?

Well it is here that my man, Abraham, really encourages me. One of the neat things about Genesis is that we’re given no introduction to Abraham. He just shows up in chapter 12, and for all we know he is a complete loser. There is nothing special about him that led God to chose Him; He simply did.

So here is Abraham, probably tending sheep or something and living the good life, when God comes to him out of nowhere and tells him to leave. And does Abram protest, or say he’s scared and that he doesn’t want to wander off into the wilderness? No, Abram simply goes, even though he doesn’t know where he is going. And even though Abraham didn’t complain at the time, I bet you he was pretty worried about the security of his future, if not completely terrified. Who wouldn’t be?

But as we trace the path of Abraham in the chapters following Genesis 12, we see that God not only directed Abraham’s path each step of the way, but he used Abraham to bless the entire earth. Generations of humanity would look back to him as one of the greatest leaders in all of Scripture. Abraham didn’t know where He was going, but God clearly did.

God used Abraham greatly, but it all started out by bringing him into the wilderness. And this is wonderful news for us, because sooner or later God will call us into the wilderness as well. There will be times when our lives seem devoid of hope or promise, but we need to follow Abraham’s example and just keep walking forward. Whether that means hanging in there with a crappy job, going to those dreaded classes and doing our best, or persevering in going to church and worshipping God even when we can’t feel Him, we still have hope. By remembering God’s faithfulness to Abraham, we can trust that He will be faithful to us as well. We may not know where we’re going but God does, and if my ending is half as good as Abraham’s, then I don’t even have to think twice–that is a path I definitely want to be on.

In the last couple weeks I have had a striking number of conversations with girls who have felt unappreciated by the significant guys in their lives. I don’t know if there’s something in the water or what, but I do know this–every time I sat across from one of these girls, I always thought to myself, “Is this guy nuts? This girl is AMAZING!” These girls are not socially awkward, clingy, or annoying girls–they are fun, funny, and they love the Lord, so I want to go over to each one of these guys’ houses, knock on their doors, and tell them to snap out of it!

But as frustrating as these situations are, I have learned a lot from them. They have caused me to reflect on my past relationships, as well as the many times I felt unappreciated, and they’ve shed a lot of light on what happened. You see, I have this complex in which I think that if I try hard enough, I can become the girl of any guy’s dreams. Every time I am in a relationship, I try to be extra thoughtful, serve him every way I can think of, always trying to be sweet and kind, looking super cute whenever I see him, and so on. I try to meet his every need, listen to him, pray for him, be sensitive to his frustrations and hardships. I try to be the ultimate girlfriend.

That’s part of the reason why I have always been shocked when each one of these relationships failed. I just couldn’t understand what more he could have wanted, because I tried to be everything he needed, everything he could possibly desire. I was therefore left wondering what I did wrong, and how I feel short. Was I not pretty enough, spiritual enough, smart enough or fun enough? What else could he have possibly wanted from me?

Now I’m fairly certain that this mentality stems from a false understanding of the guy mindset. Somehow I have it in my head that every guy wants to date a specific kind of girl. You know the type: gorgeous, smart, fun, exciting, good sense of humor, athletic, sweet and caring yet independent and strong. Perhaps this idea comes from having heard so many guys fawn over Jessica Simpson or some other perfect looking girl. Because I see so many guys drooling over a particular kind of girl, I assume that is what most guys want, so I have worked pretty hard at trying to fit that mold of “every guy’s dream.”

The problem with buying into this idea is that I end up trying to fit this mold for every guy I’m remotely interested in, a strategy which routinely blows up in my face. If I try to impress a guy by emitting the “every guy’s dream” persona, but he doesn’t take the bait, then I’m left thinking that there’s something wrong with me. I find myself asking, “Why aren’t all guys flocking to me like they are to Angelina Jolie?” Because I don’t command the same consistent attention as those other women, my self-esteem suffers, and I get trapped in a viscious cycle of continually trying to fit that perfect mold.

Well that is where my younger friends have been extremely helpful. As I looked into the eyes of these precious girls, knowing just what those boys were missing out on, I realized something. The problem was not that these girls were somehow lacking. The problem was that not all guys have the same standard for what they want in a girl. Some guys want a girl who is feisty and bold, but other guys want a girl who is shy and sweet. Some guys want a girl who is athletic and outdoorsy, whereas other guys want a girl who is academic and likes to read. And because of this variety, there is no girl that *every* guy is going to desire. Sure, most guys will always think Jessica Simpson is hot, but thinking she’s hot and wanting to date her are two very different things.

All of that to say, just because a guy isn’t interested in you doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It may simply mean that there are other guys who God has created to more fully appreciate your strengths and your unique beauty than the ones who don’t. For that reason, we shouldn’t try to be the girl that every guy desires. In fact, we shouldn’t even try too hard to conform ourselves to what we think our boyfriends desire. We can’t possibly know the depths of a man’s heart, so we can’t possibly know all that he wants in a wife, but God does, so we can rest in the knowledge that He probably created a man who uniquely desires all the qualities God created in you. Don’t let one man’s lack of apprecition cause you to devalue just how special you really are. A lack of compatibility says nothing about your value, but it says everything about God’s sovereignty.

A couple Sundays ago my pastor quoted a Catholic theologian named Peter Kreeft, and the content of the quote has penetrated me to the core. I can’t stop thinking about it. Here’s what it said…

“God often withholds from us the grace to avoid a lesser sin because we are in danger of a greater sin. To avoid pride, he sometimes lets us fall into lust, since lust is usually obvious, undisguised, and temporary, while pride is not. So, to conquer lust, we should focus less on lust and more on pride. Only when we are truly humble does God give us the grace to conquer lust.” (Back to Virtue, 168)

This quote came as a huge relief to me, because it can be applied to just about any overt sin with which a person struggles.The funny thing is that it’s actually little more than a paraphrase of Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:7: “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.” But there’s just something about Kreeft’s words that get me every time I read it.

To explain why I love this quote so much, there are two aspects of it that fill me with great comfort. The first is that there are certain sins in my life that I just can’t seem to kick no matter how hard I try, and I often feel totally hopeless about it, like God must think me an especially bad Christian, or that my entire faith is a sham. This quote, however, reminds me that God is still in control, and actually has a purpose for my struggles. Contrary to how I feel, my situation is not hopeless. By allowing me one sin, God is actually working on another, and that is encouraging news!

The second reason I love this quote is that it gives me a more tangible way to fight the thorns in my side. After fighting and fighting and fighting, I have realized that my methods are greatly lacking. Fortunately, this quote provides me with a different battle tactic. All along I have been relying on myself and my determination to conquer my sins, but this quote reminds me that that is the exact thing that God is trying to fix! Instead of depending on my own efforts to fight sin, I must do exactly what Paul did and declare,

“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

That is the ultimate purpose of these thorns. In weakening us, they actually conquer our pride. They force us to realize that sanctification is not a matter of will-power, and that we are in desperate need of grace. Rather than trust in our own goodness to defeat the sin in our lives, God drives us to our knees with failure in order to accomplish in us what He wants to do.

I hope that comforts you the way it comforts me. If there is a thorn in your side, an unbeatable sin that you just can’t seem to overcome, rest in the knowledge that God is at work doing more than we can even imagine, and He plans to do much greater things in you than merely keeping you from lusting, gossiping, over-dieting, etc. Instead, He could very well be breaking down your pride, since that is perhaps the greatest wall that stands between us and intimacy with Him. In that light, the thorn that you hate so much may actually be quite a blessing, even a *gift* from God!

This past week a couple in Florida was awarded $21 million from a jury citing the “wrongful birth” of their child. Apparently the couple’s first child had suffered from severe birth defects, but because the doctor had misdiagnosed the defects, not realizing they were genetic, the couple had a second child with the exact same problem. The couple then claimed that had they known their first child’s birth defects were genetic, then they would have terminated the second pregnancy. Unfortunately they are now burdened with the full-time care of two handicapped children, instead of just one.

Interestingly, the nature of the case has some legal implications which may prevent the couple from being awarded the full $21 million. In response to the politics surrounding the case, the couple’s lawyer was quoted as saying, “I believe that this case is so powerful and this tragedy was so preventable and is so poignant, that it is the kind of case that should rise above the fray and rise above party politics.”

That statement makes my stomach turn–what exactly is the tragedy here? That a less than perfect child was born? I can’t imagine how that would make me feel if my parents thought of me as a tragedy. Not good, I bet.

Now I have to admit that there is a part of me that sympathizes with the couple. Caring for a child with a handicap costs a lot of time and money, and not all families are financially able to do so. I don’t know the financial situation of this particular family, but I imagine that if they’d known their next child would have the same defects, they would have probably tried to avoid getting pregnant at all. As a result, this misinformation may have very well put them in a difficult situation. But, I still can’t get over the lawyer’s words. A life was created and brought into this world, and even though it doesn’t meet our American standards, I hardly think labeling the child as a “tragedy” is appropriate–a child with a handicap is by no means comparable to natural disasters or fatal car accidents.

So while I sympathize with the couple, the entire situation seems to reflect more on our culture’s view of children than it does the mere circumstances. Just last week I was watching a show on MTV called “Engaged and Underaged” in which a young couple had decided to get married after having a baby together. You can imagine my shock and horror as I watched the young mother listen to her future mother-in-law berate her for having had the baby. The groom’s mother didn’t want the couple to get married, and when the teenage girl explained that she wanted to be married for the sake of the baby, the woman exclaimed, “Well I told you not to have the baby in the first place! Whose fault is that?!?!” (fyi, this was said while the baby boy was sitting right there…clearly a very sweet family moment)

I can’t get over the fact that this woman talked about her grandchild like that. You would have thought she was talking about buying pants that were too tight, or some other material product that we can return if it displeases or inconveniences us. But just like the lawyer in the Florida story, she simply saw this child’s birth as a “tragedy.”

That is the world we live in. Everything in this world is assigned value based on what it can or cannot do for us–even humans. This is clearly the result of massive self-centeredness, but it has frightening implications, because it robs anything of its inherent worth. Taken to the extreme, there are some secular philosophers and ethicists who believe that babies and old people have little inherent worth because of their inability to care for themselves, anticipate the future, or contribute to society. Because of this thinking, some people have concluded that it is not altogether immoral to let such beings die.

And while that example is extreme, we must not deceive ourselves into thinking we are untouched by this part of our culture’s thinking. This mentality has shaped almost every one of us to some degree or another. In any circumstance in which we see fit to sacrifice another person’s life for a greater cause, we are putting a price on their life. We consider their life to be less valuable than the cause itself, a cause that can be war, peace, politics, religion, or simply the American dream. Almost all of us have figured out ways to devalue other people’s humanity if it stands in the way of what we want. Even on a less violent level, women will insult and dehumanize other women that they are jealous of. If a girl is standing in the way of you feeling confident about yourself, then by all means make fun of her, call her a slut, and slander her. Don’t think about the fact that she has a mother and a father, that she has a heart and a soul, or that she was made in the image of God.

This mentality is not, however, the vision of life that we are given in Scripture. Not only are we told that each life has inherent value simply by virtue of the fact that God saw fit to create it, but more importantly, each person and all of creation is made in the image of God. How dare we reduce people to mere statisitcs when we are talking about God’s image-bearers! We may not be at the forefront of the pro-choice debate, but most of us still have a long ways to go when it comes to taking human life seriously–whether it’s babies or illegal immigrants or even murderers, each person is God’s precious child. It’s about time we start acting like it.

Right now the news show “20/20″ is doing a series on the Seven Deadly Sins. Last night they did a program on vanity, which is ironically not one of the seven deadly sins, but the whole series is an interesting concept nonetheless. Last night’s program mainly studied the various dynamics of plastic surgery, investigating parents who let their teenagers get boob jobs, women who will get risky plastic surgery in Central America simply for a cheaper price, and even people who will pick out facial characteristics of movie stars and have their faces shaped accordingly. One man had Tom Cruise’s eyes, Brad Pitt’s nose, Johnny Depp’s cheeks, and Jude Law’s smile. Pretty weird. And another middle-aged woman was so addicted that she would have work done throughout the day every day, getting a mid-day make-up refresher by a professional make-up artist as part of her daily routine. And her face reflected this effort–in a bad way. She looked like she was made of plastic. She kind of reminded me of those ventriloquist puppet dolls that come alive in horror movies and kill people.

But what was perhaps the most disturbing thing to me about the various people being interviewed is that they all talked about plastic surgery as if it is the ultimate source of their contentment. When asked why they would buy their teenagers boob jobs, the parents blithely replied that it’s worth it for their children’s happiness. The kids reaffirmed this mentality, saying that they feel remarkably better about themselves, that the plastic surgery has improved their self-image and helped them to be happier in life. You can’t argue with those kinds of results, right?

Well as convincing as these girls sounded, and as perfectly content as they appeared to be, I think the co-host of the show, John Stossel, made a telling remark about them at the end. He explained that one girl was so happy with her implants, that she wanted to get an even bigger size. That statement, right there, summarizes the problem with unnescessary plastic surgery.

All those women claimed to be content with their lives thanks to plastic surgery, but if they were so content, why would they need *more* plastic surgery? Because their contentment is an illusion. The breast enhancements and eye jobs and face lifts may be a quick fix, but they never address the root problem of low self-esteem, so that problem keeps popping up. As a result, plastic surgery can become an endless road. You may think you have just one thing about yourself that you could change if given the option, but as soon as you fix it, there’s going to be something else that appears in its place. After all, those middle-aged women addicted to plastic surgery didn’t appear out of thin air–they are the result of what happens when young women start feeding the beast of vanity. The teenagers who are already having surgery today will probably end up just like the middle-aged woman featured on the show: so unbelievably trapped in the lifestyle of self-improvement that it becomes their identity.

We see this phenomenon described for us in Scripture. In Jeremiah 2:13 describes, “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” The visual here is of a cracked cistern that is meant to hold water, but because it is cracked you must return to it over and over and over again to refill it. Unfortunately, because the cracks themselves are never mended, you are stuck in a never-ending cycle that will not end. The cisterns will never be able to hold water the way you intend for them to, so you must keep going back.

This is what happens when we try to fix ourselves with worldly solutions that are not capable of solving our problems. We will slide into an endless cycle, just like the people Jeremiah described. That is why it is so important that women be cautious when it comes to the whole self-improvement fad. Yes, it’s fine to take care of yourself and not look like a vagabond, but once you start down that path of trying to fix that “one last thing” about yourself that you don’t like, you are walking on a slippery slope. You are deceiving yourself into thinking that these quick fixes will help you feel better about yourself, and they do for a time, but in the long run they will trap you.

Instead, when we find ourselves resenting certain aspects of our bodies, we need to look closer at the source of our discontent. Why don’t I like my nose? Is it because there’s something wrong with it, or because society has defined beauty in an extremely narrow way that excludes the millions of ways in which God manifests His beauty? Or why don’t I like my weight? Is it because I’m genuinely overweight, or because our culture has fed us impossible standards for what a woman’s body should look like, standards that are unhealthy, if not detrimental, to the health of women everywhere?

Most of the time, our reasons for disliking parts of ourselves are based on the lies of our culture, rather than the truth of Scripture, which is why we need to recognize them as the lies that they are. And while it is difficult to embrace the bodies that God has given us, it is also liberating once you do it. I can think of times when I stressed and stressed over parts of my body, and when I finally let go and accepted myself the way I am, it was like a huge burden had been lifted from me, because I was no longer anxious about trying to fix myself. That is what it means to walk in the freedom of Christ–we are no longer in bondage to the undending cycle of filling broken cisterns. Instead, we can drink from the Living Water, that never runs dry.

Last night I saw a friend do one of the bravest things I’ve ever witnessed. For a long time now, my friend has been wrestling with a certain sin in her life that has come back to haunt her again and again, but instead of hiding it and harboring it in her life (like I do!) she called her closest friends and asked us to come over and pray for her release from it. I have been a Christian for quite some time now, but I have *never* been asked to do that before. Most of us simply lack the courage to confess so openly.

Confession is one of those disciplines that the Catholic Church definitely got right. I can’t imagine how intimidating it must be to tell a priest your deepest darkest sins, but I’m sure it’s pretty convicting to do so. That’s also one of the things that scares me most about marriage–having someone in my life who knows all my flaws, all of my dark sides. I would much rather have people think I am a perfect little Christian girl. I really enjoy conveying that image. The problem is that when we’re able to hide those sins from others, it’s easier to continue on in them because we have no accountability to make us stop.

I pondered all of these things last night as I sat in prayer for my friend, wishing I too had the courage to come clean about the darkest sins of my life. But at the end of the day, I’m too afraid, and too ashamed. I fear that if I tell my friends the worst parts of my life, then they’ll never look at me quite the same. That’s actually one of the things that appeals to me about confessing to priests–these guys have heard it ALL. It is highly unlikely I will tell a priest something that he hasn’t heard before. And because he’s heard it all, he will tell me I need to repent, but not with a look of horror on his face, as if I am especially demented and have experienced some kind of temptation that is not common to most people.

I suppose that attitude is part of what’s lacking in our community, and one of the main reasons confession is a dying discipline. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man,” but we don’t always treat sinners that way. I’ve seen the faces of Christians who have heard about a fallen brother or sister, faces that convey revulsion and disgust, as if the sinner must be particularly messed up to struggle with such a thing. And while we should have that kind of reaction to sin itself, those attitudes towards the sinners themselves don’t exactly foster the kind of trust and acceptance needed to engage in confession.

Ultimately, however, I think the shock Christians display in response to a revealed sin stems from a lack of understanding of the power of sin. I have found that the longer I live and the more mistakes I make, the more truth I find in 1 Corinthians 10:13–sin *is* common to Man, and it is normal to wrestle with it, as well as fall prey to it at times. In addition to that, the more times I slip and fall, the more I am humbled, and it is this humility that now prevents me from reacting in horror when I hear about sin. Instead of thinking, “How could they!?” I remember that I am vulnerable to the exact same sin, and it is by grace alone that I have not fallen into it myself. I think most of us know this is true, but few of us actually believe it. Most of us live under the illusion that we are generally good people, and that illusion is what causes us to be so surprised at sin. We think we’re invincible to certain sins.

An environment in which that illusion is shattered, in which we swallow the reality that sin is very real and very present in our lives–that is the kind of environment that fosters confession. Yes, it also takes courage on the part of the sinner to confess, and the more people who confess, the more this environment will change (a Catch-22 of sorts), but we need to do all we can to encourage confession. Lack of confession is what holds us in bondage to our sin. Satan lords it over us so it then has power over us. We will never break free because we live in fear and shame of others finding out. But confession is one of the most fundamental steps to breaking from that cycle of bondage, so I pray I will have the courage to do it, as well as the humility to allow others to.

Last week at Summit’s college Bible study, Charlie read a quote by a guy named Thomas Constable that I thought was profound. The quote is in reference to Romans 6:23, which tells us that “the wages of sin is death”:

“Wages normally maintain life, but these wages result in death. Employers usually pay them out regularly and periodically rather than in a lump sum. Death also comes to the sinner regularly and periodically during the sinner’s lifetime, not just when he or she dies.”

The reason I like this quote so much is that it challenges the normal manner of thinking about salvation and death. Both concepts are traditionally conceived of in finite senses. We think back to “when we were saved,” as opposed to thinking that we are “being saved,” or we think about “when we die,” instead of the possibility that we are in the process of dying now.

But life and death are more than finite realities. They are lifestyles that we choose. The decisions we make every single day reflect whether or not we are living according to our salvation or according to sin’s dominion in this world. When we choose to find our value in having sex with guys, then we choose death, because that is a path that leads to spiritual death. And when we choose to find confidence in drugs or alcohol, we again choose death, since that is a path that leads to death. Whenever we choose to be greedy, selfish, lustful, prideful, or hateful, we choose death. And many times, we will even experience the consequences of our choices soon after we make them. In this way, death is not something that will only come to us at the end of our lives. You can experience death every day as you kill your relationships, your joy, your future, and maybe even your soul with the decisions you make.

Conversely, salvation is not merely something you experience when you “pray the prayer.” Salvation can also be a way of life. When you choose to rest in your value in Christ, instead of basing your worth on material standards, then you choose life. And if you choose to forsake worldly goods or pleasures instead of finding contentment in earthly luxuries, you again choose life. In each of these instances, you are choosing a lifestyle that is consistent with your salvation–a life free from the trappings of this world. For this reason, we must make salvation an integral part of every day. Each decision we make should reflect the reality that we are now free from this world.

In the classic book “The Pilgrim’s Progress” by John Bunyan, there is a wonderful allegory about a man named “Christian” who is traveling with a burden on his back, seeking salvation from God. It’s a great book with a lot of wonderful lessons about the Christian life, so I highly recommend it. However, there was one part in particular that has always stuck with me. In the midst of his journey, Christian happens upon a severe tempation, but right away he recognizes it. Upon realizing the danger, Christian does one of the most brilliant things I have ever read. He takes his fingers, sticks them in his ears, and starts running full-speed in the opposite direction, all the while shouting “Life! Life! Life!” Remarkably, it is the exact behavior of a rebellious child who plugs their ears and starts singing so as not to hear their mom or dad’s commands, but in the case of Christian, it is a good kind of rebellion. It is a rebellion against the influence of sin.

What a great response for any of us facing temptation! We should do more than passively avoiding temptation, casually choosing to avoid death–we should actively choose life. That is what it means to be saved. Why else would Paul have told us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling? Not because we can lose our salvation, but because there is much to learn and much to do. The commitment to follow Christ is only the beginning. Salvation is something we conform our lives to every day, so we need to reflect the reality of our salvation as a lifestyle, not merely a decision we made way back when. Similarly, the wages of sin are being doled out every day, so we should weigh our decisions with that degree of seriousness. Death is not merely waiting for us when our hearts stop beating–we could be living a life of death, bondage and destruction today. So, which lifestyle are your decisions reflecting?

Today I read an article which stated that the most prescribed drugs in the United States today are antidepressants. I was surprised to learn this information, thinking that physical maladies such as chronic pain, high blood pressure, or even headaches, would be the largest cause for medication, rather than mental or emotional illnesses. Here’s an excerpt from the article that I found to be very thought-provoking:

“Dr. Ronald Dworkin tells the story of a woman who didn’t like the way her husband was handling the family finances. She wanted to start keeping the books herself but didn’t want to insult her husband.

“The doctor suggested she try an antidepressant to make herself feel better.

“She got the antidepressant, and she did feel better, said Dr. Dworkin, a Maryland anesthesiologist and senior fellow at Washington’s Hudson Institute, who told the story in his book “Artificial Unhappiness: The Dark Side of the New Happy Class.” But in the meantime, Dworkin says, the woman’s husband led the family into financial ruin.

“Doctors are now medicating unhappiness,” said Dworkin. “Too many people take drugs when they really need to be making changes in their lives.” (Elizabeth Cohen, cnn.com)

The doctor’s last observation was quite an astute one, because she has honed in on three key elements of American culture. I want to briefly examine each one of those elements since they are all diametrically opposed to what we are taught about the Christian life in Scripture.

The first element that the doctor hones in on is our need for a quick-fix. If something is wrong with our lives, anything at all, we assume that there must be a quick and easy way to take care of it. A pill, a 12-step program, a formula. We want the solution here and now without having to wait. That is the culture we live in, which makes it difficult to embrace the many verses in Scripture that praise the virtue of patience. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, and Jesus didn’t start his ministry until he was 30 years old, but we want results here and now. Unfortunately that’s not how God does things, so we should be wary of that mindset.

The second dynamic that the doctor hones in on is our laziness. We are a culture that does not want to work too hard for anything. And this dynamic is everywhere–on t.v. there are countless commercials for diet pills that help you to lost weight without a lot of the hard work. You can also by books about how to make millions of dollars without ever having to leave your home. Or perhaps the thing that bugs me the most is when I go to a restaurant or store, only to have the cashier treat me as if I am imposing on their time. It’s as if they’re thinking, “I could be talking on the phone with my boyfriend, but instead I have to bother with YOU?!” That attitude really drives me up the wall, but given the culture we live in, I shouldn’t be surprised. We are all so used to being catered to, that we see it as an imposition when someone expects us to cater to them. Quite a far cry from Paul’s words: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Heb. 12:1) and “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Tim. 4:7) If we don’t like to work hard, then we picked the wrong religion. Christianity is a faith that leads you directly to the cross, and I’m pretty sure there isn’t a way around that one.

The third dynamic that the doctor alludes to, and the dynamic which probably encompasses the first two, is our culture’s fear of suffering. We live in a culture that views suffering as a horrible tragedy that is to be avoided at all costs. This is not, however, the example we are given in Scripture. In 2 Corinthians, Paul speaks of a thorn in his flesh that God refuses to take away. in response to the thorn, Paul exlaims, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2. Cor. 12:8-10)

Then, in James 1:2-4 we read, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Now these passages do not mean that we should seek suffering for suffering’s sake–just because you have a bad life doesn’t mean you are somehow closer to God. Rather, we live in a fallen world so suffering is inevitable, and it is what you DO with that unavoidable suffering that matters. You can use your suffering as a means for growing closer to God, or you can run away from it, seeking refuge inthings like medications or relationships or your career.

Please don’t mistake me–I am not saying that people should not go on antidepressants. There is certainly a time and a place for them, especially because many Christians who suffer from depression mistake their unhappiness for a lack of faith. In the same way that a person with a broken arm shouldn’t merely pray for it to get better but should go to a doctor, someone suffering with depression should seek medical help as well.

For some of us, however, our dependence on antidepressants reveals a deeper, spiritual issue. Antidepressants have become a fix-all solution to rampant unhappiness, even though the cause of our unhappiness is oftnetimes our own bad decisions and misplaced priorities. It is remarkable to me that as we live in the wealthiest country in the world, a country that seems to have it all, the most common medication is antidepressants. Clearly, our material possessions aren’t enough. Something else is missing.

That is why I think that suffering can be our friend, rather than our enemy. Long, hard, wrestling with the difficult things in life will quickly prune away the superficial crutches that prop up our happiness, and will force us to depend on the one thing that can sustain our spirit: God. The easier our lives are, the easier it is to use the crutches of over-medication, relationships, or career for our confidence and strength in life. They provide us with just enough support to get through life when things are calm. But they slowly eat away at us, coroding our souls as we begin to realize they are ultimately empty. That is why we should embrace suffering–it may destroy the foundations that are built on sand, or burn up the houses made of straw, but in doing so, it forces us to re-build our houses on rock, out of a material that lasts. Suffering forces us to do those things that we would ordinarily opt out of because we are either too impatient or too lazy, and it is for that reason that we should count our trials as joy, because they are uniquely able to push us towards God. In this way, suffering is actually a cause for rejoicing, not medicating.

Right now I am reading the prequel to Dan Brown’s novel “The DaVinci Code.” It’s called “Angels and Demons,” and it’s about a sect called the Illuminati that is composed of scientists devoted to the downfall of the Catholic Church. The way in which the Illuminati goes about its attack on the Vatican is through a form of terrorism, so throughout the book the main character tries to crawl inside the minds of the perpetrators. As he attempts to do this, he considers the motive behind terrorism and I found his conclusion to be incredibly insightful:

“Quite simply, the goal of terrorism is to create terror and fear. Fear undermines faith in the establishment. It weakens the enemy from within…causing unrest in the masses. Terrorism is not an expression of rage. Terrorism is a political weapon. Remove a government’s facade of infallibility, and you remove its people’s faith.”

I thought this description of terrorism was not only accurate, but extremely relevant as we live in a culture in which terrorism is a very real possibility. Ever since September 11, we have lived in relative fear. I know a lot of people who will no longer fly on planes or live in big cities that could be a potential target of terrorism. We have become a culture that lets fear dictate how we live, and as Brown points out in his novel, it has resulted in a lack of faith in that institution which is ordinarily meant to protect us.

Given the current approval ratings of our government, you can see the effects of terrorism quite plainly, but the “loss of faith” to which Brown refers can be far more destructive than a simple lack of faith in secular government. For Christians, the key issues is not a loss of confidence in the U.S. Government, but a loss of confidence in God. If we are letting fear dictate the way we live, then we are not letting God.

As we live in a culture plagued by terrorism, we need to keep our hearts and minds in check–how does the threat of terrorism make us feel or live? If it leaves us feeling consistently unsettled or fearful, then the terrorists are succeeding in undermining our faith–our faith in God. We need to reach a point at which we can rest in the knowledge that God is in control. If we can embrace this truth, then it shouldn’t matter whether or not the Terror Alert goes up or down–our security remains the same.

Just a thought to keep in mind as we dwell in a culture that is actively fighting terror. We should indeed be fighting terror, but as Christians our motive is slightly different than that of our government. We fight terror because it threatens our confidence in God. Whenever we are tempted to be fearful about what our country’s future may hold, we must recognize that fear as an attack on our relationship with God. We should never let fear determine our outlook on the world or our lifestyle–peace in Christ alone should be the chief determinate of how we live.

Over this passed weekend, my grandmother passed away quite suddenly. She was very healthy for her age but life is fragile, so now I find myself in Florida, preparing myself for the funeral I will attend in the morning.

Because I just graduated from seminary, I am the token “minister” of the family, and given that hardly any of my dad’s family are even Christians, I was an obvious choice to speak at the funeral. Unfortunately, this has proven to be a difficult task. Not only am I fairly certain that my grandmother was not a Christian, but she wasn’t exactly the warmest person either. She could be pretty mean at times. So as I skimmed through Scripture looking for words of comfort, I couldn’t find any. What comfort is there for someone who never pursued the truth of Christ? There isn’t much.

Now for any person who has been in ministry for a significant period of time, this reality makes pastoral care very difficult. On the one hand, you can’t tell the family that their loved one is “in a better place,” because the fact of the matter is that you simply don’t know. To say that would be a lie. On the other hand, when someone is in the middle of grief it is not the best time to lecture them about hellfire and damnation. Not only will they not hear it, but it may drive them away as well. They need God’s comfort, not condemnation. Yet, judgment is indeed a part of the Gospel, so as I prepare my words for the funeral tomorrow, what on earth am I going to say?

I think there are three ways to respond to this situation, two of which are very wrong. The first way is to simply speak truth boldly and without discretion, and let God deal with the consequences. That kind of approach is generally foolish, because it puts every human being into a formulaic box. What’s more, it merely masks a brazen arrogance in which we pride ourselves in being “bold” and “saying the hard things” without considering that there is more to evangelism than saying the right words. In this approach, we expect everyone to understand the Gospel just like we did, so if they don’t get it, it’s their fault. But with this approach, we ourselves are often the ones preventing someone from hearing the Gospel. We are so self-involved that we don’t pause to think about their thoughts and feelings, or where they are in life. For instance, at a funeral people are vulnerable and grieving, so they need hope rather than condemnation. Storming in like a bull in a china shop, telling the grieving family that their family member is now burning in Hell, will only serve to turn people away from God, not toward Him. Yes, there is always the possibility that you might scare a person or two into repentance, but on the whole, these people need to hear the part of the Gospel that is about grace, not wrath, so we must be sensitive to that need.

On the other hand, there is a second, equally destructive form of evangelism, and that is a strategy that is all about grace. I could go in there and tell them everything they want to hear, that we all go to heaven no matter how we live or what we believe. The problem with this method is that it not only cheapens the Gospel by belittling the importance of following Christ, but it deliberately deceives people. While comforting a grieving person is indeed important, that doesn’t mean you should lie to them, especially in matters of eternity. While a time of grief requires one to emphasize the grace of the Gospel, that doesn’t mean we can completely ignore the other less comfortable parts of the Gospel.

With all of that in mind, I think there is a third method of evangelism, a holisitc method that incorporates all of the Gospel message, not just parts of it. That method involves a sensitivity to one’s listeners (ie. grace), mixed with a trust in the Holy Spirit (ie. bold truth). On the one hand, we must discern what it is that a non-Christian needs to hear. To go into a conversation with someone, having already determined what you are going to say, forces your agenda and your timing onto them, rather than meeting them where they’re at. However, we should not trick ourselves into thinking that we control whether or not a person hears us. We can be as convincing as possible, but if the Holy Spirit is not at work there then we will not be heard. Conversely, we can also present the Gospel in horrible ways but God will still use us to draw others to Him. This knowledge should be liberating, because we are reassured that no matter what we say, God can move mountains through us if He so chooses.

In the end, evangelism is a careful balance between truth and grace. Depending on the situation, you will emphasize grace more than hard truth, or hard truth more than grace, but the important thing is that we are careful about using the popular “salvation formulas,” because no individual is ever the same, so we shouldn’t assume that everyone will come to Christ in the same way. We need to be open to new and creative ways in which God will lead us. In doing so, we will resist the temptation to trust in calculated words and formulas to save, rather than trusting in God.

That being said, please pray for my family this week. Not only is this a difficult time, but it is a time for me to minister to them. Pray that God will give them ears to hear, and that God will also give me the right words to say. I will speak primarily about comfort, but I will by no means omit the hard truths. Just pray that my few words will be refreshing water for thirsty individuals, and hopefully it will be refreshing enough to keep them going back for more.