Theology for Women

Yesterday I happened upon a story about a seven year old who is reportedly transgendered. This child was born as the sixth son in a family of all boys, but from an early age the parents noticed a difference between him and the rest of their sons. As early as three and four years old, their son consistently sought to play with “girl” toys like dolls, rejecting traditionally male toys like trucks. Then as the child got older, he became more and more intentional about acting like a girl, going as far as to wear princess dresses and other girl clothing. When the parents would use public restrooms, the little boy would always insist on going with his mom to the women’s restroom, instead of going to the men’s restroom with his dad and other brothers. Why? Because this child felt that even though he was born with the body of a boy, he was actually a girl.

For his parents, this reality was devastating. They kept encouraging their son to play with trucks and soldiers, but he kept rejecting them, instead opting to play with dolls and female dress-up clothes. So eventually, his parents came to the realization that their son was, in fact, a little girl trapped in a little boy’s body. They stopped fighting the little boy’s instincts, switched him to another school, changed his name to a girl’s name, and let him start his life over as a girl. Now, the child claims to be incredibly happy because he is finally able to live the kind of life that he has always desired–life as a girl.

I think that this story has several interesting dynamics to it, but the most intriguing element of all is the mixed message that it sends. On the one hand, a story like this suggests that gender is an extremely fluid concept. We typically think of men as having the XY chromosome and women as having the XX, but some people are born with XXY or XYY, and we don’t really have gender categories for them. Or, we hear the stories like the one about this little seven year old, a child who knew from an early age that he was a girl trapped in a boy’s body. What are we to make of all this? Can this be right? Is gender relatively arbitrary depending on the individual? Are some people born with the wrong anatomy on accident? Are these people, who don’t fit into the black and white categories of male and female, are they mistakes? Can we know anything about gender for sure?

On the other hand, this little boy’s actions contradict the idea that gender is a fluid concept. While the purpose of the story seemed to be a blurring of gender lines, the child also knew he was a girl because he defined himself according to clear gender markers. He knew he was a girl because he liked to play with dolls and wear dresses. In response to that part of the story, I would think every feminist who ever lived is rolling over in her grave. Recent feminist philosophy has taught that boys and girls should be free to play with whatever they choose. Boys should be able to play with dolls, and girls should be able to play with trucks. That being said, how do we know this child was not merely a boy who liked to play with dolls? Why is it that his enjoyment of traditionally female activites means he must be female? According to the popular thinking on gender today, that makes no sense at all, yet those traditionally female activities and tendencies served as touch-points for self-identity.

For that reason, I find that the logic behind this story collapses on itself. On the one hand, it blurs the lines of gender, but on the other hand it reinforces those lines by claiming that this child knew he was a girl because he did “typically” girl things. So which one is it? Is gender blurry, or is it black and white? Though probably unintentional, this story concludes that there are, in fact, some concrete markers for determining gender. They may not always be clearly biological ones, but they are nevertheless there.

The question then remains as to how we should respond to such situations Scripturally, and it is here that I am leaving the floor open for input, because I still remain mildly baffled. How are we to respond theologically when nature doesn’t fit into the cateogires we have constructed for it? I am not quite sure. I do think, however, we should be cautious about our conclusions. Though this story indicates that there is a definite distinction between the genders, we must be careful about how we draw those lines. In the event that a human being does not fit the parameters we have drawn up for what makes a male a male and a female a female, such as hermaphrodites, then we risk branding someone as being a biological mistake. And in doing so, we fall just short of accusing God of making a mistake.

Now since we know that God does not, in fact, make mistakes, but is intentional and particular about every precious being He creates on this earth, we must create categories for gender that can encompass the variations that God has written into creation. That is why, if nothing else, the story of this transgendered seven year old is helpful for Christians, because it reminds us of the complexities of gender issues in our world, and that we must reconcile those complexities with Scripture. If we want the world to understand that Scripture is still relevant today, then we must construct legitimate and detailed Scriptural perspectives on these topics. We must engage these issues seriously, and think creatively.

So, what do you think?

Lately I have become more and more aware of a growing trend in our culture. The average American is, to some degree or another, a tabloid junkie. Many of us are obsessed with following the lives and dramas of Hollywood stars, and it’s easy to see why–we can’t get away from it.

We cannot stand in line at the check-out counter without being sucked in to the latest Hollywood scandal on the magazine covers. Every time I went to cnn.com these last three weeks, I saw countless stories of Paris Hilton, sometimes displayed more prominently than stories like the war in Iraq. And as my mom perused the newspaper yesterday, she suddenly announced to me, ” Well I guess you heard that Reese and Jake broke up.” (For those of you who have no idea what she’s talking about, kudos to you! She’s referring to Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal)

And if all of that weren’t evidence enough of our tabloid addiction, we have “news” shows and tv channels that are almost entirely devoted to following the lives of the rich and famous. I’m not quite sure how that constitutes legitimate news, but whatever sells, right?

What is remarkable about this trend is that we often talk about the famous as if we know them. But even more remarkable is the freedom we feel to judge and slander them. If we were to make such comments about someone we know, it would clearly fall under the category of gossip, so why is it ok to say such things about people we don’t know? Why is it ok to make fun of the people we see on tv, but not the people we work with or go to school with?

Or say you’re not even making fun of these famous people, but you follow their lives, read the tabloids about them, talk about their dirty laundry with your friends–why is that ok? If we were to pry into the private lives of those around us, that would be inappropriate, but we do it all the time to strangers. So what is the difference?

There are a variety of factors that have contributed to this gossip culture in which we live, but there are two in particular that I want to highlight. The first factor gets to the very heart of gossip. Sometimes gossip is masked as a kind of concern for people, but no matter how you dress it up, gossip always makes someone look bad.

With that in mind, the basic motivation behind every act of gossip is the desire to tear others down so that you can feel better about yourself. We want other peoples’ dirty laundry to be aired because it makes our often mundane, imperfect lives seem just a little more desirable.

And this temptation is especially great when it comes to the rich and famous, because they have the life that everyone else in the world wants–they are beautiful, wealthy, and successful. Their lives look perfect, so it is hard not to be envious. But, if we can find a way to knock them off their pedestals, then we don’t have to feel quite so jealous or dissatisfied with our own lives. Why else would people have taken such sick pleasure in seeing Paris Hilton carted off to jail as she sobbed and cried for her mother? Because if we can’t have that perfect life, then we don’t want her to have it either.

But there is a second reason we are so addicted to the tabloids while feeling such a freedom to slander those we don’t know, and that is our inability to see all people as being made in the image of God. We refuse to put ourselves in their shoes and treat them like human beings, and this is very easy to do when you don’t know someone. You can make sweeping generalizations about them that are based first and foremost upon rumors, rather than upon their identities as children of God.

A couple days ago I was at a water park, and as I waited in line I saw an extremely overweight man trying to maneuver his way into a tube for the ride down. It was a very difficult task for the man, and it took him several tries to balance himself on the tube because he was so large. Finally he found a way to stay on, but it was still very precarious looking, and I was uncertain as to whether or not he would even be able to stay on it the whole ride down.

Now while this entire scene transpired, standing behind me were two girls who watched and made fun of him the whole time. They kept making jokes about how the tube probably wouldn’t make it, and they continued to do so until he was out of sight.

Fortunately, I think the man was too far away to hear them, but if he had even looked in our direction he probably could have seen them snickering at him. At first, I was tempted to laugh myself, but then I wondered how I would feel if I were in his position and saw people doing the same to me. I can’t imagine how painful that would be–to feel so overweight, and insecure because of it, and then to have people overtly making fun of you in public–that would be humiliating! But those girls were not looking at him as a human being with eyes and ears and a heart that can be hurt. They only saw him as an anonymous fat man.

When we don’t know people, we put them into boxes. We categorize them rather than personalizing them. We don’t witness their humanity firsthand, so we forget that they are just like us–God knit them together in their mother’s womb, God knows their innermost thoughts and fears, and like us, they live in a fallen world, so they probably suffer because of it, just like we do.

Thus these acts of subtly tearing others down and belittling the image of God in them–both these sins take place when we feed into the gossip of tabloids. We may not even be guilty of talking about the tabloids with our friends, but are simply reading about them, watching them on the news, or buying the magazines–but these are all forms of gossip. The end is still the same: We are secretly making ourselves feel better about our own lives by relishing in the failure of others, and we become addicted to that feeling of perverted glee.

For that reason we must resist the temptation to take part in our gossip culture, because every time we do, we give into the temptation to find satisfaction in someone else’s pain, rather than satisfaction in Christ. When we read those articles and watch those gossip shows, we allow our contentment to come from knowing our lives are better than another’s, rather than being content with the life God has specially designed for us. That is the danger of our gossip culture, and just like anything else that threatens the glory of God, we must resist it with equal might.

This past Sunday I had the privilege of attending Buckhead Church in Atlanta, GA, and the sermon that morning was preached by Andy Stanley. First of all, let me say that I am generally very skeptical about mega-churches and charismatic pastor personalities that draw thousands of people en masse. Having said that, I’m not gonna lie–he was AWESOME. The sermon totally knocked my socks off. Andy Stanley is an incredibly sharp guy, and he is clearly a man who knows the Word, as well as possessing great insight into human nature, so it was a wonderful blessing to learn from him.

The sermon he preached was about the importance of considering the path on which your decisions are placing you. When you make a choice, is it directing you in a way that honors God, or in a way that leads to destruction? No decision is done in isolation–each decision is just one step of a larger trajectory, so you are always stepping toward or away from God depending on the decision you make. That was the basic thrust of the sermon.

However, there was one tidbit of wisdom that really stuck with me more than anything else he said that morning. He was talking about how often we think that we are exceptions to the rule. We reason, “I know that a large percentage of couples who live together before marriage will end up getting divorced, but that won’t be us. We just love each other too much.” Or, “I know that I probably drink too much, but I can control my drinking. I’m not like those other people who can’t stop.” All of these people are guilty of believing that the rules don’t apply to them, or that they can somehow bend the rules to their personal situation.

Well in response to this thinking, Stanley responded with the following wisdom: “We cannot break principles. We can only break ourselves against them.”

Looking back over my life, I can see that no truer words have been spoken. So many times I have rationalized my decisions, thinking that even though I probably shouldn’t have been dating a certain guy, or I shouldn’t have said or done certain things, that I could still control the consequences so that they would play out the way I desired. Well that never happened. On the contrary, I always ended up getting hurt, disappointed, and usually very broken.

This is the nature of truth. What God establishes, no man can put asunder, so if God declares that sex is designed for marriage alone, we cannot change that truth. If God declares that we should deal justly and lovingly with others, then we cannot change that truth either. Whatever God declares, we can do nothing to alter it. We can only suffer the consequences when we choose to run up against it. It is as if we are running toward a brick wall, all the while willing it to crumble before we reach it, but it doesn’t crumble, so we smack right into it.

The funny thing is that we see the wall coming long before we hit it. We know it’s ahead of us, but we keep running anyway. And trying to bend or break God’s principles is as fruitless as trying to crumble a brick wall with your mind. Not only are both tasks impossible, but incredible harmful, if not deadly.

So in the same way that Stanley’s sermon was a helpful reminder for me, I hope it challenges you as well. Whatever areas of your life in which you are hedging on God’s teachings, bending His commands, or trying to change His everlasting truths to suit your life or personal circumstances, just remember that God’s divine principles never break–we only break ourselves against them. The consequences are coming.

As I write this, I am sitting in my uncle’s house in Atlanta, and in the room next to me are about a dozen 10 year olds who are hopefully about to fall asleep. This weekend is my cousin’s birthday, and I make an effort to come down and celebrate with her each year, so this time I got slapped with sleepover duty. It’s been an interesting experience.

Although I went to my fair share of slumber parties growing up, I had forgotten how emotionally intense they are. Throughout the course of the night, several girls have ended up crying, one girl chipped her tooth, a couple girls went home, and at the end of the evening we came close to World War III in determining the sleeping arrangements. And no, these girls are not unusually mean or socially maladjusted–this is typical sleeover protocol. Little girls are simply dramatic, competitive, and cut throat, so if you’re weak, you get picked off early and quickly. The weak antelope of this particular group got a busted lip, a headache, and wound up crying in the corner at one point…it wasn’t pretty. But at girls’ slumber parties, it’s all about survival of the fittest.

Watching these girls has caused me to realize more than ever that Darwin was, in fact, very right. Due to human sinfulness, both animals and humans alike will do whatever it takes to stay ahead, even if it’s at the expense of others.

I think this is an important point to note as we inhabit a Christian culture that virulently opposes Darwinism and its connection with the theory of Evolution. Historically, Christians have denounced Darwin’s teachings, especially on Evolution, because they feel it undermines Scripture. And while this is, indeed, a valid concern, I think it has distracted us from a greater problem that has creeped into the Christian mindset.

Many Christians are, for all intents and purposes, practical Darwinists. You see, we might lobby against teaching Evolution in schools all day long, but our lifestyle and our politics are frequently governed by Darwinism. At the end of the day, the way we live, vote and treat others can be boiled down to a kind of survival of the fittest. For example, free market capitalism is a concept that most Americans, if not most Christians, embrace and praise because it allows a great amount of freedom in the marketplace. We are encouraged to strive and succeed because there are no government regulations holding us back. However, we often forget that part of what makes free market capitalism work is that it is fundamentally based upon survival of the fittest. Unlike a communist government which strips its people of their motivation by not rewarding the hardest workers and the most innovative thinkers for their work, capitalism does reward the strongest and the brightest. If you work hard enough, it promises, you will succeed.

And while that is a value to be appreciated, we must not forget that capitalism also has a history of trampling the weak while allowing the rich to grow richer. When left unchecked, free market capitalism displays Darwin’s teachings quite shockingly. That is why our government has instituted checks and balances, such as laws against monopolies–without these regulations, the poor will be exploited.

Now as some are quick to point out, the poor will always be with us, and there will always be “weak antelopes” who get devoured by our culture, so capitalism is not to be blamed. To some extent, this is correct, but that doesn’t mean we should embrace that reality and simply allow Darwinism to play out in its natural way. The reason there are poor people in our country is not because they are lazy and simply haven’t taken advantage of the benefits of capitalism. There are poor people in our country because there is sin in our country,and God’s stance on sin is clear–we must resist it. And that is what I’m getting at here–this is not a tyrade against capitalism. On the contrary, it can be a good thing, but there is no economic system or government that amerliorates sin, so we kid ourselves if we let these systems becomes our saviors instead of Christ. Neither capitalism nor democracy can save us, and both can become evil devices that cause great destruction when perverted by sin, so we must watch them carefully.

Now practically speaking, the key to resisting our survival of the fittest tendencies is to resist putting ourselves ahead of others. That me-centered tendency is at the heart of Darwinism–every person puts themselves first. But instead of blaming the poor for being poor, we must consider if there is anything we have done to put them there. How have we lived or who have we chosen to lead us that exemplifies Darwinism instead of self-sacrifice and charity? Given that the philosophy of Darwinism places the personal good first, it is fundamentally opposed to Jesus’ teachings on the poor and oppressed–God never teaches us to let the poor fend for themselves. If anything, the poor are our responsibilty, so we need to identify those tendencies in ourselves that are more Darwinistic than Christlike. What’s more, we must do all we can to defend the poor and oppressed and make sure they don’t get crushed under the wheels of government or capitalism, and more importantly, human sin.

Perhaps this is a good perspective to keep in mind as we consider our politics, our business, and our lifestyle. Are we good Samaritans, or practical Darwinists? In a culture that places so much emphasis on humanistic success and realism, Jesus’ teachings may seem unrealistic, or idealistic at best. But God is not always realistic–the poor may always be with us, but that doesn’t mean we should simply throw up our hands and let Darwinism take its course. Instead, it means we have an unending call, and that call is to help the weak, not ignore them.

Over this past weekend I had the privilege of being in a wedding for one of my very best friends, and although being a bridesmaid is not as glamorous as it looks, I actually LOVE weddings. There’s something about watching two people stand in front of an entire church and commit to one another for the rest of their lives that leaves me in awe every single time.

I mean, I just can’t imagine someone saying to me, “Sharon, no matter how mean and ornery you get, no matter how emotional or selfish or snobby you act, I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.” That is just amazing to me! Every time I hear those words spoken anew, it seems like a miracle.

But what is particularly awesome is when you get to see a godly couple get married, and this weekend I got to see such a union. Lauren and her now-husband, Matt, are two incredibly godly people, and their marriage is going to mean great things for the Kingdom of God. At the reception Saturday night, Matt’s father gave a toast that really encapsulated what it is I love about Lauren and Matt’s relationship, but there was one thing he said in particular that stuck with me. He said he hoped that their lives together would be “marked by a trail of empty tombs.”

That phrase is such a perfect picture of what every marriage should be, as well as what every Christian life should be. The reason I think this description is so apt is because it is the opposite of what romantic relationships often tend to be. Oftentimes relationships will be marked by a trail of graves rather than empty tombs. I say that because, the way I see it, there are two kinds of relationships–ones that result in life, and ones that result in death. There are some relationships that are so centered on Christ, and bringing him to the world, that they breathe life into everyone around them. Their relationship leads to new minsitry opportunities and new ways to serve the Lord.

Some relationships, on the other hand, only lead to death. The couples become so consumed with one another that all of their ministry involvements die. They no longer have time for anyone or anything but each other. Rather than breathing life into those around them and leading people to Christ, they neglect relationships and miss out on opportunities to share the Gospel. I think we all know couples like that. In fact, a lot of us have probably been a part of relationships like that. You get tunnel vision, so everything else takes a back seat to your relationship. I’ve hurt a lot of friends that way. Rather than leaving a trail of empty tombs, these relationships actually create tombs where their Christ-centered priorities go to die.

Now relationships are not the only involvements that can prevent us from leaving a trail of empty tombs. We can be married to our jobs, to our school work, or even to ministry (ie. you are so concerned with planning ministry events that you are not actually ministering to people). Anything that prevents us from loving others well is an immediate red flag. Relationships, however, are perhaps the biggest temptation because they are so intoxicating. It can be difficult to see clearly when you think you’re in love.

Thankfully, there are people in this world like my friends Lauren and Matt who remind us that this standard of life-giving relationships is indeed attainable, as well as desirable. I would much rather have their kind of Christ-exalting relationship instead of being “that couple” that nauseates everyone around them. For that reason we are wise to hold out for more than someone who merely makes our hearts go pitter-patter. We need to wait for that special person with whom we will leave a trail of empty tombs. And as a single person, the best way to recognize that individual when they come along is to already be leaving such a legacy with your singleness. Whether you’re married or single, a trail of life and flourishing should be the only thing in your wake.

Today as I was driving in my car, I heard a really interesting story on NPR .(Which, by the way, I highly recommend listening to. Instead of listening to junk on the radio, NPR is a great way to keep tabs on what’s going on in the world, as well as exposing yourself to stories and people you wouldn’t ordinarily hear about) As I pulled out of the parking lot and flipped on the radio, I heard a British news correspondent talking about a trip he made to China. I had missed the first part of the story in which he explained why he was in China, but throughout the course of his travels there he happened upon a Chinese house church. Broadcasting from this church, the reporter explained that as a direct result of Communism collapsing, a system of government that stifled religious expression, there has now been an explosion of religion in China, particularly Christianity. He interviewed one woman who recounted that when she first became a Christian, she’d had to hide her faith for fear of persecution, but now she and other believers can worship freely. This house church was a clear sign of this spiritual revival.

As the reporter continued his broadcast, he described the seen at the church, and how everyone was sitting there waiting for an itinerate preacher to come in and give the sermon. However, after a lot of time had passed and the preacher still hadn’t arrived, the congregation realized that the preacher wasn’t coming. Soon they began scrambling for an alternative. Then, in an interesting turn of events, the congregation debated over who would be a suitable replacement, and they decided that the best person to deliver the sermon was the news reporter! So, they asked him if he would stand up and preach.

What was funny about this story was that this news reporter, who is ordinarily very professional sounding, always giving off the impression that he has everything under control, became very nervous and uncomfortable. He explained to us listeners that the Chinese assume all Westerners are Christian, so this congregation never thought to ask him if he was Christian, let alone if he believed in God. The reporter tried to tell them that he wasn’t used to giving sermons, but it soon became apparent that they wouldn’t let him leave until he did. So, he picked up his Bible, stood before them for an awkward period of minutes, and preached.

Unfortunately they didn’t air the sermon that he gave, because it would have been fascinating, if not hilarious, to hear. The reporter said that the whole incident was awkward for everyone involved, and I imagine that it probably was to some degree. But, since he had his own Bible with him, I’m hoping that he was a believer. And if he was, I’m sure the Holy Spirit moved through him in spite of his lack of experience.

Now I want you to stop and think about this story for a second. The church that was featured in this story was *so* desperate to hear the Gospel preached that they forced a random Western reporter to give a sermon to them. At first I wondered why they didn’t simply ask one of their own members to teach, but it is very likely that they were all illiterate, and since he could read, that was good enough.

As I sat there in my car listening, I was struck by the absurdity of the situation. Here in the States, I have a seminary degree, yet I struggle to find a job in a church. I was just looking at job descriptions for college pastors yesterday, and I wasn’t even qualified enough for a lot of them. It didn’t matter that I was passionate about the Gospel–it only mattered that I didn’t have multiple video recordings of me speaking in front of 300+ people. Without those qualifications, I am not welcome as a college minister at many churches here in the U.S.. Yet this reporter, who didn’t even want to preach, and had no experiencing doing so, was pushed up in front of that tiny congregation and given the chance to preach. What a backwards world we live in!

To some extent, the difference between the American Church and the Chinese Church reminds me of the disparity between food supplies in the world. Here in the States, we have so much food that we waste it, while there are people in other parts of the world who are starving to death. In the same way, we have so many Christians and so many churches here in the U.S., while churches in other parts of the world can’t even find one pastor to preach. But just because those starving people are far away and we can’t give them the food on our dinner plates tonight, does not mean we should go on wasting our food. Nor does the distance of our Christian brothers and sisters mean we can go on wasting our gifts. The need and the urgency is the same, and that’s what this NPR story reminded me of today. Just because the need doesn’t seem to be immediate, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. If there are churches in this world who are so desperate to hear the Gospel preached that they’ll put almost anyone in front of them, regardless of qualifications, then there is much work to be done on our part. As the reporter said, Christianity is exploding in China, as well as countries all over the world, so the harvest is indeed plentiful. The problem is that the laborers are few.

For this reason, we cannot be content to simply let “other Christians” spread the Gospel. The statement “the laborers are few,” which comes directly from the lips of Christ, is a personal indictment. It’s not that there aren’t enough Christians–it’s that the Christians aren’t doing enough. The laborers are few because *we* are not laboring. Too often we are using our time for our own selfish ends, while our brothers and sisters in China are praying for someone to come and teach them. This is not acceptable. It is every single Christian’s responsibility to be using his or her gifts for the sake of the Kingdom, and if you cannot say that you are doing so, then you’ve got to make some changes. For some of us, that means moving to China. For others of us, it means being more intentional about witnessing to co-workers. But either way, we cannot ignore our brothers and sisters in that Chinese house church, and we cannot ignore their thirst for the Gospel, a thirst that we could easily help with. We have a responsibility to them, and to the world, so we can never let ourselves forget that the laborers are only few if *we* are the ones who are not laboring.

Tonight I walked into the movie theater a confident and content single woman. Two hours later, I walked out of the theater feeling lonely, slightly less content, and somewhat unattractive. Now you’re probably thinking that the movie I saw was a chick flick, and that I felt this way because I spent all that time watching a drop-dead gorgeous actress get swept off her feet by the man of her dreams, thus causing me to compare myself to her in every way, and falling miserably short. This is not, however, the case. (although that has been known to happen before…) Instead, the movie that I saw was Ocean’s 13, which is by no means a movie about romance. It’s about a group of men who rig a casino to ruin its owner. Not exactly a plot designed to make you swoon. Why, then, did this movie cause me to lose some of my confidence and contentment?

The reason is that during those two hours, I spent the whole time falling in love with devastatingly attractive men who are brilliant, funny, focused, strong, loyal and amazing dressers. The movie is designed to make every guy want to be like them, and every girl want to date them. And I took the bait, hook, line and sinker. As the movie came to a close and Brad Pitt flashed one last electric smile, I found myself going weak in the knees. I was ready to marry that guy.

Unfortunately, as I walked back out of the theater I had a startling realization–I don’t know any guys like that. And even if I did, they are certainly not lining up to date me. That is when the disappointment set in. As I drove home I began to feel more and more discontent with the life I have now and the guys I am friends with because they’re simply not that charming, perfect, or well-dressed, always knowing when to say the right thing at the right time. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve even met anyone like that in my life. So I spent the rest of the night feeling a little sorry for myself, and a little less satisfied with the life I had been so happy with earlier that day.

I think this happens a lot to women. One minute, we are completely content with the life that we have. But then something catches our eye, causes us to believe the grass is greener on the other side, and suddenly our happy lives seem mundane and unacceptable. This not only happens after watching movies that sell us an impossible standard for love and for the opposite sex, but it happens every time we slip into thinking we need a better version of life than the one God has given us. Another frequent source of this thinking comes from dating relationships. The times at which I have had the hardest time being single have been immediately following a broken relationship. Prior to the relationship, I was generally happy with my single life, but then a guy comes along and you get used to being a couple, having someone to do things with, and plan things with. You have a future together, and you have dreams. So when that relationship ends, you have to readjust to being alone again, and compared to the starry-eyed, love-struck feeling of being someone’s girlfriend, the single life just doesn’t seem as good anymore. You want your future back, the one you were supposed to have…not this second-rate one you’ve been stuck with.

For me, this lack of contentment is a great indicator as to where my happiness truly lies. We want to echo Paul’s sentiment that he is content in *all* circumstances, but oftentimes we are merely pretending to be content. By that I mean that it’s not enough to convince yourself you are content. You need to know if you are content for the right reason. Oftentimes our contenment does not come from resting in Christ, but rather by justifying our lives to ourselves. This justification frequently manifests itself in the form of comparison with others: “I’m happy being single because it means I’m not making myself vulnerable to others,” or “I’m happy being single because my married friends are so annoyingly exclusive that I would never want to be like that” or “I’m happy being married because at least I’m not single.” If we can just find a way to prove that our lives are better than those around us, then we can be content with just about anything.

But that is not true contentment, and the false nature of that feigned contentment will shine through when something better comes along. For instance, you might say you’re single and content, but then a guy starts pursuing you who you probably shouldn’t be dating, and because the prospect of being in a relationship seems much better, you date him anyway. Or perhaps if you go to the movies and soak in visions of a more glamorous, romantic life, then your single lifestyle suddenly seems less satisfying. And if you’re married, you might meet a man who seems to understand you better than your husband, who better fits that picture of a husband you always had for yourself.

This can play out In other ways as well. The job you have may seem great until you talk to your friend who’s making six figures doing what they love. Or the church you attend may seem wonderful until someone brags about how much their church is growing or how awesome the music is. In all of these situations, the contentment we thought that we had is revealed to be based upon circumstances, rather than Christ. As long as Christ is not the source of your contentment, then you will never be fully content if someone has a better life than you do, so contentment will forever elude you.

So as much as it stinks to feel slightly mopey after watching Ocean’s 13, my emotional response is a great heart check, because it reveals the source of my true contentment. Clearly, it is not Christ, or at least not fully. But it is also a reminder to invest in the life I already have. There is no perfect person, marriage, job, etc., so we shouldn’t fool ourselves into thinking we would be happy “if only…” As a friend of mine says, the grass isn’t greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you fertilize and water it. If we work hard on the life we have been given instead of pining away after an unrealistic dream, then our contentment will truly take root. But it is definitely something we must work for daily, if not fight for.

Have you heard about the recent surge in popularity of celery? There is a commercial on tv right now in which a bunch of children are standing around watching one kid swing at a pinata, and when he finally busts it open, a shower of celery rains down on the ground, instead of candy. The interesting part about the commercial is that instead of being disappointed in this prize, the kids all scream “CELERY!!!!” and they run toward it and start grabbing handfuls of it for themselves.

Apparently as a direct result of this commercial, a commercial that is not even for celery, a significantly increasing number of children have been asking for and eating celery. Behold the power of advertising!

Now, I personally hate celery, so I didn’t really believe this story myself until I spent the past week with my 9 year old cousin, and I saw up close and personal how much kids are shaped by what they see on tv. Thanks to products like Yoplait, she now knows all the words to “Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini”, can recount striking details concerning various commercials on tv, and she frequently asks me, “Have you seen the commercial when…?” Contrary to how it might sound, this is not a kid who spends all her time watching tv. Rather, advertising is just that effective. Even after riding in the car with me for an hour, she was able to sing the Christian radio station’s jingle by the end of the day. Kids’ brains are like little sponges soaking up whatever comes their way. And given what’s on tv these days, that is a scary thought.

The reason I think this information is important for us as adults is that we are not immune to the images that we take in through the tv and radio. We are constantly being inundated with messages, and oftentimes they are blatantly un-Christlike, though seemingly innocent. I remember watching a commercial for deodorant, and the actress said something as crazy as “My life isn’t complete without it!” I mean, soft under-arms are important and all, but are they serious??

All of that to say, the commercials we see on tv, hear on the radio, or even look at on interstate billboards are constantly competing with the truth of Christ, because at the heart of every advertisement is the attempt to convince you that your life is somehow incomplete without their product. At their core, they are communicating the message that you need something other than Christ to make you complete.

So after spending the last week with my moldable little cousin, I am again reminded of the importance of consistently reading Scripture. Not only are we constantly being inundated with these advertisements, but we have competing messages coming from friends, family, professors, co-workers, and even ourselves. And if we are that shaped by what comes into our brains, then we need to make sure the majority of what is coming into our brains is truth, not lies. We can only guarantee this happens if we are consistently reading Scripture.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 86:11 which reads “Unite my heart in fear of you.” I think this verse sums up for us exactly what’s going on as we go through each day. From the moment we wake up each morning there are thousands of things competing for our heart and mind, pulling us in different directions, each one promising to be a fulfilling god that completes our lives in the areas in which we fall short. For this reason, we must stay in Scripture and pray to God that He will take these stray pieces of our heart that are being drawn in different directions, and unite them in worship of Him. Only then can we combat the competing messages of this world.

Keep that in mind the next time you flip on the tv and laugh at the Geico cavemen and their mango salsa, or sing along with the Yoplait commercial. Remember just how these advertisements might be shaping your mind, and whether or not it’s shaping you to be like Christ.

So I hate to admit it, but I am one of countless women who have given guys a hard time for not guarding women’s hearts. Sometimes guys seem so totally oblivious that I feel like pulling out my hair and screaming, “Don’t you know anything??” However, I think that for all of our ranting, us girls run the risk of being a little hypocritical when we do this because, in reality, women do an equally poor job of guarding other women’s hearts. It’s high time we stop accusing guys of being oblivious, because girls can be shockingly thoughtless as well.

This thoughtlessness manifests itself in countless ways. For example, in the realm of dating relationships, we might have a friend start hanging out with a guy, and the next thing you know we’re talking about what their kids would look like. In doing so, we make it difficult for our friends to keep their imaginations in check, and so their hearts get carried away, making it that much harder when the relationship doesn’t work out.

However, I think there is an even greater area in which we sorely need improvement, and that is in the area of body image. This is an area in which we pay so little attention to others that we cause our sisters to stumble over and over again, without every even realizing it. And this is strikingly ironic. When it comes to causing other Christians to stumble, we are unbelievably careful about other issues, such as drinking. Many Christians wouldn’t dare take a sip of alcohol in public for fear of causing a weaker person to stumble. In fact, many Christians will even look down on those who drink at all, even if they do so responsibly, because of the effects it might have on others. We, the holy ones, wouldn’t dare tempt someone else into the sin of drinking alcohol.

Yet somehow this concern for others dissipates when it comes to issues of body image. We know that our sisters struggle with it, but our first concern is ourselves, so we talk about how much we need to lose weight or how we’re abstaining from certain foods so we can get thinner, giving little thought to how our words might be affecting others. It’s not that there is something inherently wrong with losing weight, but there is an appropriate time and place for it, and we need to start exercising more discernment as to when those times are. It is profoundly inappropriate to encourage a healthy sized woman who has struggled with eating disorders to lose weight or exercise excessively. Yet this happens all the time. We forget that doing so is like taking an alcoholic to a bar. Our sisters struggle to think about body image in a realistic way, yet we feed into their misperceptions and the lies behind them by re-emphasizing the importance of body image when it is already an idol in their lives. We help perpetuate the myth that if you’re not losing weight, or if you’re not super thin, then something is wrong, and you won’t be happy until you are.

Now I’m not saying that we should never ever speak of dieting under any circumstances. Some people are genuinely unhealthy and need the accountability to eat right and exercise. But for most of us, we are simply insecure about our bodies and can’t help but talk about it. And in doing so, we place those insecurities on our friends’ shoulders. Our friends who struggle with the disease of anorexia will begin to think, “Well, if she needs to lose weight, and she’s the same size as I am, then I must need to lose weight too.” Or, if a friend of yours is trying to stop thinking about her weight all the time, but you continue to talk to her about how you need to lose weight or eat less dessert or run more, then you are making it difficult to keep those tempting thoughts far from her mind. And finally, if you have a friend whose disorder was over-exercising, then don’t ask her to join you in training for a marathon, because you will be pushing her directly into temptation’s way.

To most of you, this advice sounds obvious, but you would be surprised how often I have seen women put their weaker sisters in compromising situations like the ones I just described. I think the reason for this is that we frequently forget we are not the only ones with insecurities, and that our words can shape the way others see the world. If you are constantly thinking about and talking about weight, then your friends will begin to also. For that reason, we need to be more cognizant of how our words affect others, and therefore choose our conversations discerningly. What’s more, we need to be sensitive to our sisters’ struggles, and partner with them in fighting temptation, rather than pushing them into it. Eating disorders are similar to alcoholism in that you do not simply overcome it and then leave it in your past–you must always be on your guard against it the rest of your life, because the temptation is always there crouching at your door. So, if you have a friend who was once anorexic but is not any longer, that doesn’t mean the temptation towards it is gone. We must be just as careful not to cause our sisters to stumble in this area as we are when it comes to drinking.

So if you are someone who struggles with body image and you desire to lose weight, and you have friends who feel the same way, be intentional about having conversations that are edifying to you both. Instead of holding one another accountable in losing weight, hold one another accountable in loving your bodies. Yes, be healthy, eat right, and take care of yourself, but do it for the right reason–our body is a temple and should be treated as such. That should be your only motive, so keep one another’s motives in check. If you are dieting or exercisng out of any insecurity, then the weight you lose will only be solving the symptom of a larger problem. We need to be women in love with Christ and confident of our identities in him. That is a self-image worth loving, so as much as we need to love ourselves, we need to help our sisters do the same.

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but working for a church is not the most glamorous job in the world. I mean, the pay is great and all (note sarcasm) but people don’t always appreciate you, and it can be downright exasperating at times. I was talking with a man the other day who was describing to me the frustration he experienced in negotiating and politicking with members of his church. He used to be a youth minister, and he recounted one situation in which he had two different sets of parents request that he do two totally opposing things. One set came to him and said that God was commanding him to separate the youth by gender, but keep all the ages together since boys and girls can distract one another from learning. Another set of parents came to him and said that God was commanding him to separate the youth by grade, but keep the genders together. Two messages from God, two completely different commands.

The problem with these situations, which happen a lot in churches, is that you can’t win. In a situation like this, no matter what you do, you are blatantly disobeying God in the eyes of someone in your church. And this is no small matter. It’s not that you are merely disagreeing with them about whether to serve OJ or apple juice at Sunday school—from their perspective, you are near to committing outright heresy. No matter how hard you try, someone is going to think you are in direct disobedience to God.

This is the future I face as I move toward taking a job in a church. And I would be lying if I said it wasn’t daunting. I am a people pleaser. I love to make people like me, and I hate to disappoint people. So, I must therefore decide at this point in my life why it is I do ministry. Am I in ministry because my family and friends think I’m a better person because of it, or because I feel called by God? Is there something about working for a church that makes me feel slightly holier than other people, or is it part of a greater vision that God has given me for my life?

Whether we are in ministry or not, these are important questions to occasionally ask ourselves as Christians, because even if we came to Christ for the right reason, it’s easy to forget that reason. It’s easy to begin relishing in the knowledge that everyone thinks you’re a “good person” because you go to church and give to the poor. It’s easy to revel in the praise when people tell your parents how proud they must be for having raised such a nice young man or woman. I love to hear those things. It affirms me in almost every way and makes me feel good about myself.

It is for that reason that going on staff with a church is a scary prospect, because that praise on which my confidence so greatly depends might be snatched away. Why? Because there’s something about being a visible leader that seems to give people the freedom to criticize you, gossip to others about how you could do your job better, and slander you behind your back. No, working for a church isn’t all bad, but it can be a lion’s den at times. Especially when you tell people things they don’t want to hear, and challenge them in areas of their lives in which they don’t want to be challenged. Then the claws come out. No longer will I be the sweet little Christian girl that everyone loves. No longer can I do no wrong. Yes, there will still be people in my life who love me, but not all. And those who don’t will make it very clear.

And thus I am left with the question: Why am I in ministry? Why am I a Christian at all? For the sake of my pride, or for the sake of Christ? If I am in it for the sake of Christ, then those criticisms should mean nothing to me. I can weather the storm no matter its strength because my confidence rests on the unshakeable foundation of Christ. But if I am doing it for the praise and the glory, then I won’t last long at all.

So as I embark on this newest stage in my life, it is time for me to set my ego aside or else I fear it will drive my ministry, rather than Christ. You cannot serve two masters, so it’s time to choose.