For the past three days I have been vacationing with family in Florida, and the one thing that I have done every single day since I arrived is go fishing. There is a little dock right outside where we are staying, and there are lots of fish swimming around it, so it’s a perfect place to pass the time while enjoying the beautiful weather and scenery.

Over these past couple days I have learned a lot about fish. For instance, fish are a lot smarter than we give them credit for (at least some fish are). And due to this fact, I have had to teach myself the art of fish seduction. You see, it’s not enough to just let your bait hang in the water. It’s got to be moving around a little, taunting the fish, as if to say, “You couldn’t catch me if you tried!”

What’s more, many of the fish don’t want the bait if it’s dead. This week we’ve been using live shrimp, and if that little shrimp’s feet stop scurrying, then a lot of the fish will lose interest. A couple greedy fish won’t care and will eat the shrimp either way, but the big fish, the fish you want, can’t be fooled. For them, it’s all about the thrill of the chase.

Now this afternoon as I sat on the dock and carefully moved my bait around so as to catch the fish’s attention, I realized something. What I’ve learned about catching fish can be easily applied to dating men. Like fish, many guys don’t want a girl who chases them, because men also desire the thrill of the chase. Even once you start dating, guys still want some mystery to the relationship. They don’t want a girl who’s always available. They want a girl who makes them work for it. They want a girl who plays hard to get.

That said, the question I want to pose to you is whether or not we should play into this little game. If that is what guys want, and if that is how we can get them to pursue us, then why not try it? Well the obvious answer is “no.” Not only is it manipulative, but you are building a relationship that is not based on reality. What draws these men is not your personality at all. They simply want that which they cannot have. And oftentimes, once they get you they won’t want you anymore. They’ll move on to someone else who can offer that thrill of the chase.

BUT, just because playing hard to get can be manipulative, does not mean we should write off this practice altogether. The opposite of playing hard to get is not being available at all times. Rather, there is a kind of playing hard to get that can actually be godly. Here’s what I mean…

In my past dating relationships I have frequently been tempted to clear my whole schedule to accommodate a guy. I always wanted to be available for him, partially out of a fear that if I wasn’t available, he would move on to someone else. Unfortunately, this degree of availability is sometimes unattractive to godly men, not only because of their desire to chase, but because it says something about your priorities.

A godly man is not looking for a woman who rearranges heaven and earth for a boyfriend. Yes, he will want you to make some time for him, but a godly man is looking for a woman who is in diligent pursuit of God and has her eyes focused on Him alone. If your schedule consists of ministry commitments such as community service or spending valuable fellowship time with other women, then those commitments should not be thrown out the window as soon as a guy comes along. If you can’t spend time with your boyfriend because you are discipling another women, then that will indicate to him that your priorities are Christ-centered, and that will draw him to you, not drive him away.

If, on the other hand, you start to regularly skip out on those commitments to spend time with your guy, then it will also send a message to him and set a dangerous precedent. You are not only indicating that service to God takes a back seat to the relationship, but that your identity comes first from him, and second from God. Any godly man should find that to be very unattractive.

So when it’s all said and done, playing hard to get can actually be a good thing, but only when done in the right way. If a guy wants to take you out but you already have plans, it’s ok to say no and have him wait for another time. It shows him that your life is already full and complete with Christ and godly friendships. It indicates that you are not waiting on a guy to complete you, but to simply complement you.

With that in mind, be intentional about how you spend your time. If you are tempted to make yourself always available to a guy, resist that temptation, not only because he will find you more attractive when you have a strong sense of your own identity and calling, but because you will be guarding your own priorities as well. From that perspective, playing hard to get can actually be a pretty good thing.

I never thought I would hear myself say that!

To say that I was frustrated upon hearing the news of Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy, that would be an understatement. I have a 10 year old cousin who watches her show on Nickelodeon and looks up to Spears as a role model, so this is not exactly the kind of example I want set for her. It makes me angry that Spears was reckless with her position as a teen role model, and now countless young girls will be impacted because of it.

However, I don’t think that is where the conversation should end. While I am indeed upset about the recent turn of events, we need to take a step back and consider a few important elements in the story. First, Spears is only 16 years old. I don’t know about you, but I did quite a few stupid things when I was 16–I was simply lucky that none of those decisions followed me the rest of my life. That said, Spears has a lot of responsibility on her shoulders, but we should be wary of applying adult expectations to someone who isn’t an adult. The fact of the matter is, we all make mistakes. The question is what we do with our mistakes…

That brings me to the second element of the story that we do well to consider: Spears has decided to keep the baby. When I first read an article about Spears’ pregnancy, she explained that she spent two weeks considering what she should do with the baby. After two weeks, she decided to go ahead with it. That, my friends, is commendable.

Just think, for a moment, about the pressures that this young woman is facing. 1) She’s only 16 with her whole life ahead of her but now she’s going to be tied down by a child, 2) her entire career is in jeopardy since she’ll probably get fired from her show, and 3) she is now the subject of endless negative press. For a lot of people, her decision would be simple–no baby could be worth all of that hardship.

Yet Spears chose life, and we must not overlook this fact. Yes, she made a mistake, but she is facing the consequences rather than sweeping them under a rug. If only most women felt loved and supported enough, or were brave enough, to do the same if they were in her situation. Many women in much better circumstances are not.

For that reason I think we should applaud the fact that Jamie Lynn Spears chose life. And if there is any lesson that I hope young girls learn from all this, I hope it is that no mistake is beyond redemption. It is always possible to make good decisions, even in the midst of our bad ones. Every new moment is a new opportunity to follow God and honor Him regardless of what we’ve done in the past. I don’t know if that was Spears’ mindset, but her decision still exemplifies the truth of it.

I know I’m gonna take a lot of flak for saying this, but I think many Christians give contemporary Christian music the short end of the stick. No, it is not a style that resounds with every single person, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t great value in it. What’s more, people accuse modern Christian music of having less theological depth, and while there are songs that fall into that category, not all of this genre should be categorized that way.

For instance, there is a Christmas song by Point of Grace called “Let There Be Light,” and it has helped me a great deal as I think through, prepare for, and process the Christmas season at hand. Every time I hear it I am struck by the amazing substance of its message, so I have posted it today in the hope that it will challenge you as well. Here’s an excerpt from the song that will give you the basic thrust of its teaching:

From the beginning the Father
Had a magnificent plan
Revealed through the law and the prophets
To fulfill the redemption of man
He spoke after centuries of silence
In the midst of a still, starry night
And Emmanuel came down among us
And the Father said “Let there be light”

Let there be light!
Let it shine bright
Piercing the darkness with dazzling white
Hope for the hopeless was born on that night
When God sent his Son
And said “Let there be light”

What a beautiful picture of Christmas: “Let there be light!” And how perfectly it draws together the larger narrative of God’s story on earth. In the same way that God declared “Let there be light” in Genesis 1, Christmas is a kind of creation story as well. In both Genesis and the Gospels, God pierces the darkness with a great light, and creates beauty out of nothing.

And that is what Christmas is: God re-creating that which we had destroyed with sin. After the Fall, we were just as directionless and devoid of hope as the nothingness from which God created the world. In fact, we were worse off, so it was necessary that God create anew.

That is why Scripture refers to Christians as “new creations.” God is starting over and building us into something that is entirely other than what we were before. Each new Christian life is a creation story in and of itself. And in this way, the story of God’s saving action on behalf of humanity has epic proportions far greater than Lewis or Tolkien ever could have described. The story of God’s creative work on our behalf began with the creation of the universe, and continues even today.

With each new Christian life, God is declaring to the world “Let there be light! I am making a new creation that will reflect my Son and shine like light in the darkness!” In this way, Christmas is not merely about us, about presents, or even the finite reality of Jesus in a manger. On the contrary, Christmas is one piece of a much larger Christ-story in which God tirelessly reaches out to His children in love so that we may live out this light to the world around us.

So during this Christmas season, we should remember the fitting words of Isaiah 9:2, “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light;those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,on them has light shined.” When Jesus was born God declared to a dark world, “Let there be light!” That is why we celebrate.

I know it sounds cliche, but one of the things I love most about ministry is that I often get just as much out of counseling people as they do from meeting with me, if not more so. Such was the case last week when I sat down for lunch with one of my college students.

As we sat outside enjoying the beautiful weather, catching up about faith and life, she told me about a ministry in our church with which she has become involved. The ministry is called Celebrate Recovery, and its purpose is to celebrate God’s healing power in our lives. What I, personally, like about the ministry is that it’s open to anyone–you can be a recovering alcoholic, healing from the wounds of parental abuse, overcoming an eating disorder, or simply getting over a bad break-up. No matter your situation, everyone comes together under the banner of God’s redemptive healing.

However, my young friend also told me something about the ministry that caught me off guard. When I asked her about the ministry’s teachings, I expected to hear something about harnessing the power of God’s love to empower yourself and overcome your woundedness. But she didn’t say that at all. Instead she replied, “I’ve learned a lot about the importance of humility. My pride has really been getting in the way of my healing.”

Wait, what? This ministry gathers together a group of incredibly wounded people, and then tells them to work on their pride? How could you say such a thing to a person who is grieving over the divorce of his parents or a girl who was abused by her boyfriend? How can you tell them that pride is their problem?

Yes, I was indeed stunned to hear this….but in a very good way. While this teaching is extremely counter-intuitive, it is also incredibly insightful. By making this move, Celebrate Recovery does not pin the blame on the victim, but it does force them to look at their role in the healing process.

C.S. Lewis once said that pride is the source of all other sins, and I agree. It creeps into our lives at every turn, even at times when we are largely innocent. And in doing so, it cripples us. For instance, pride is one of the biggest factors that prevents us from forgiving another. A significant part of the healing process is forgiveness, but I usually struggle mightily with this act. I somehow believe that if I forgive the person, then I am letting them off the hook. Ironically, I only continue to punish myself by refusing to forgive, because I obsess about it and harbor bitterness in my heart, but I simply won’t let the hurt go. And ultimately this unforgiveness stems from pride. I want to punish the other person because I think I deserve better, so I withhold my forgiveness, and I never truly heal.

Another way in which pride can hinder the healing process is in the refusal to ask for help. Sometimes people struggle with a sin or pain, but are too ashamed to talk about it, and so they continue to languish in it. Rather than call on the Body of Christ for aid, we pridefully assume that we can handle things on our own, so nothing ever changes.

At its very root, the problem with pride is that it begins with the self. It always puts the self and its interests first and foremost. But what Celebrate Recovery has brilliantly realized is that healing does not begin with the self–it begins with God. If we start with the self, we will always end in destruction because we are selfish and short-sighted. If, on the other hand, we begin with God and put away our pride, then our selfishness and vanity will not stand in our way. God will set our priorities aright, He will soften our hearts, enable us to forgive, and overcome us with His love. Only then will we be able to break free from the pride than imprisons us in our own pain.

So I challenge you today–look for pride where you least expect it. Even in the areas where you think you are totally innocent, pride lies there also. But once you purge it, freedom awaits. It is counter-intuitive, but it is also true.

A couple weeks ago my pastor shared a quote that I have since found to be thoroughly true and deeply convicting. It comes from the personal assistant of Albert Einstein, Charles Misner, and explains why Einstein was so disinterested in formal religion:

“The design of the universe is very magnificent and shouldn’t be taken for granted. In fact, I believe that is why Einstein had so little use for organized religions, although he strikes me as basically a very religious man. Einstein must have looked at what the preacher said about God and felt that they were blaspheming. He had seen much more majesty than he had ever imagined, and they were just not talking about the real thing. My guess is that he simply felt that the churches he had run across did not have proper respect for the Author of the Universe.”

Misner’s words could not be more true. Oftentimes our preaching lacks credibility, not because we are hypocrites, but because we are utterly unconvincing. Many people don’t believe us because they don’t see the awe that we would logically have if we truly knew what we were professing. Non-Christians can tell that we are trying just as hard to convince ourselves as we are trying to convince them.

But what is the solution to this inauthenticity? The answer is not to become better actors, but to genuinely fall more in love with Christ. To understand this distinction, I am reminded of my past romantic relationships. No matter how hard a guy tried, I could always tell if he wasn’t really into it. Even if he went through all the right motions and said all the right things, I could still tell whether or not the actions were genuine.

Real, head over heels love, on the other hand, is unmistakable. A guy will have stars in his eyes, he can’t stop smiling, and can’t stop talking about the girl that he loves. There is no faking this kind of emotion, and it is the same with God. We must be totally enamored with God if others are to believe us when we speak of His faithfulness. Otherwise, our words will ring hollow.

So how do we fall in love with God in an authentically passionate way? By spending time with Him. The more we read God’s Word and the more we go to Him in prayer, the more we will realize why the angels sing “Holy, holy, holy” and why David wrote volumes of Psalms about His glory. If you know God, truly know God, you will be unable to help yourself–you will fall hopelessly and madly in love with Him. And when we do, people will not only notice, but believe.

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am a pretty big nerd. I like to watch the History channel, I listen to public radio somewhat obsessively, and I couldn’t really name one mainstream song that is popular right now…I think there’s one about Bubbles or something?

And this nerdiness is not one-dimensional. I’m not like the nerds who JUST like Science or Anime. My nerdiness is multi-faceted. So in addition to the nerd-like tendencies that I have already listed, my nerdiness has a religious side as well–I like to talk about theology and Church history. That’s what I spent three years studying in seminary, and that’s what I miss the most about seminary.

However, I don’t enjoy these things simply for knowledge’s sake. I like tracking CNN.com and reading about complex Church doctrines because they enhance my understanding of the world and the ways in which my faith sheds light on that world. This knowledge is one way that I can pursue Christ more diligently.

That said, I want to spend the next couple minutes giving you a brief Church history lesson. And before you click “Close” on the window and never come back to my blog again, give it a chance! Church history is of the utmost importance for us as Christians. We need to know our past mistakes or else we will be doomed to repeat them.

More specifically, that is why we study heresies. Teachings that the Church deemed to be heretical thousands of years ago are not behind us in the past. On the contrary, most of the heresies that you would read about in a textbook are still very much alive and well today. We must therefore learn to identify such errant teachings so that we do not fall prey to them ourselves. In fact, some of those heresies pop up in women’s ministry from time to time.

With all of that in mind, I want to briefly introduce you to a famous heresy called “Gnosticism.” The word “gnostic” comes from the Greek word “gnosis” meaning “knowledge,” and it refers to the belief that humans need a special kind of knowledge to free themselves from this world.

Gnosticism itself was a religious movement that existed alongside the early Christian Church, so Christians were constantly battling to keep its teachings separate. And like Christianity, Gnosticism did not have one form alone. In the same way that we have denominations, Gnosticism developed into a wide range of sects, but the one teaching that most defined this movement was its belief in the evil of the material world. Gnostics felt that humans are trapped in a world from which they must free themselves because all materials things are inherently wicked. And because of this belief, Gnostics taught that Jesus could not be God, because that would mean that God would mix with the material world, something a good god would never do. In this way, Gnostics undermined the divinity of Christ.

Now this teaching was deemed to be heretical some time ago, but you still see its remains all the time. Any religion that teaches that the material world, as God created it, is inherently evil, is fundamentally gnostic. For example, religions that believe sex is dirty, money is bad, or that enjoying nice things like good food are wrong–all of these ascetic beliefs are gnostic. While sex and food and material things can all be turned into idols when we love them in an inordinate way, they are not themselves evil, because God created them, so enjoying these things is to enjoy an aspect of God.

What does this have to do with women’s ministry? Well there is a strand of thought that teaches it is wrong to love yourself, that loving yourself is somehow selfish or vain, and this is a thoroughly gnostic idea. While these teachers do not generally go to the extreme of telling Christians to hate themselves and deny their bodies, the idea of loving yourself is often frowned upon, and sometimes blatantly discouraged. There are many Christian leaders who teach this, some of which are popular women’s ministers.

Unfortunately, this belief is a gnostic one. It buys into the idea that loving the self is inherently wrong, but the problem with this teaching is that God created you as a reflection of Himself. He made you with intention and purpose just the way you are. And when God does such a work, we should do more than love that work–we should worship and glorify God on its behalf!

You see, what is fundamentally wrong with Gnosticism is that it spits upon the very image of God. It denies the infinite number of beautiful ways in which God manifests Himself through His creation, claiming that God will ONLY manifest himself in spiritual ways, when, in fact, God’s fingerprints are all over creation. And more importantly, all over you! That is what’s at stake when you struggle to love yourself.

And that is the beauty of Church history. It reminds us that when we talk about simple things like loving ourselves, we are employing more than self-help jargon. Hating yourself is not merely unhealthy, it is heretical. You were made in the image of God, so it is a serious thing to hate such a marvelous image. Church history therefore reminds us of the weightiness of these matters. So, I hope that in this brief lesson, I have made a theology nerd out of you as well. When it comes to knowing God and who He is, I think we could all stand to be a little nerdier.

Today I read a deeply tragic news story that has given me a great deal of perspective on my approach to ministry. The story was about a teenage girl who hung herself after receiving a mean message from a boy on MySpace. Apparently the girl had engaged in relatively innocent conversations with the boy for some time, but another girl hacked into his account and began to send hostile messages to her, telling her she was mean and that the world would be better off without her. Ordinarily, this would seem like standard girl-on-girl cattiness that would fizzle out after some short-lived drama, but it instead ended in the premature loss of a life.

For me, this story serves as a crucial reminder. Why? Because this teenager was just a regular girl. There was nothing about her that made her life particularly tragic or unfair. She was not a minority, she had not lived on the street, and she had not been oppressed or marginalized. She was just a normal, every day, American girl. And oftentimes, this is a category of person that I am sometimes tempted to ignore when I imagine what true Christian ministry should look like.

When it comes to being salt and light in a dark world, we should be utterly undiscriminating. For some of us, that means going out of our comfort zones and ministering to those individuals who have fallen through the cracks of our society–the poor, the needy, the hungry, etc. However, there is also a great temptation for some Christians to focus only on helping the poor. Unlike those Christians who ignore the poor due to laziness or complacency, this latter tendency sometimes stems from a “poverty theology” in which working with the poor is ranked as a superior Christian endeavor. Working with the rich and the privileged therefore becomes an overlooked need. In fact, the rich and powerful are the people we frequently judge and condemn, not reach out to. And in doing so, we convey the message that God only really cares about the poor. God is somehow partial to them.

Not only does such a perspective tell a lie about God’s love for the world as a whole, but it views Jesus’ ministry, and the world, through a largely temporal lens. It is to judge someone’s poverty based on superficial circumstances alone. But the truth of the matter, as the above story reminds us, is that many individuals whom the world would deem to be privileged, are living in emotional and spiritual poverty. Like the young woman who took her own life, we have classmates, roommates, neighbors and co-workers who may appear to have it all from a worldly perspective, but are dying inside. We could offer them hope and joy but we rarely do, assuming they don’t need it because they are already wealthy, powerful, or at the very least, financially comfortable and seemingly happy.

For that reason, this story reminds us that if we are fully engaged in helping the poor and defending the oppressed, but completely ignoring the spiritual destitution in the lives of those around us, then we are no closer to the heart of God than devout Christians who ignore the homeless and needy individuals in their community. Yes, we must feed and clothe those who need it, but it is no less important to provide people with spiritual nourishment as well. In fact, it is more important.

So while social justice is indeed a priority, don’t forget about those closest to you who may not seem to have as a great a need, but may very well be falling apart inside. To engage in this type of outreach means we must learn to see the world with spiritual eyes, eyes that not only seek to heal physical poverty, but spiritual poverty as well. We live in a fallen world, which means that pain and suffering is inevitable no matter who you are, so the real question is whether we will reach out to our dying brothers and sisters, or ignore them because we feel there are more pressing needs at hand.