Theology for Women

For some reason I have a high number of male friends who really enjoy being naked around one another. There’s nothing weird or sexual about it–they just like the freedom of it I guess.

In fact, some of them consider it to be a valued form of quality time! I even knew some guys in college who lived together and would set aside one afternoon each week for their “naked time.”

As a girl, I really can’t relate. In no way does that sound fun to me. It only sounds awkward. And kinda weird.

With few exceptions, girls are just the opposite of boys in this regard. Unlike our male counterparts, we will do almost anything to avoid being naked in front of other people.

But why is that? Why are guys so comfortable with their bodies, whereas women are not?

This is a question I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. My first instinct is to blame the media–when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a stark contrast between my body and the bodies of the Victoria Secret models. As a result, I can’t help but be ashamed of my body, therefore causing me to hide it.

But this issue cannot be blamed on the media alone. It goes back much further than that. All the way back to the beginning of time…

Think, for a moment, back to the Garden of Eden and the Fall of humanity. What was the first thing that Adam and Eve did when they had disobeyed God? They covered their bodies.

What does this tell us? That there is a very real connection between the way we feel about our bodies and the way we feel in relation to others. In particular, the insecurities we have with our bodies reveal a more deeply rooted issue in our relationship with God.

For Adam and Eve, to be naked before God was to be fully known, inside and out. But after the Fall they didn’t want to be fully known by God, because they were ashamed of what He would find.

That said, when we hide our bodies, we are doing more than hiding our physical features. We are hiding our souls as well. We are afraid of being fully known, for fear of what people will find. We are afraid of being rejected.

Given the fact that Adam and Eve both felt the need to cover themselves, why are women so much more insecure about their bodies than men? Well this is the point at which culture partners with our sin nature to target women most acutely. Due to our sin, there is already a tendency to want to hide ourselves, but culture feeds that fear all the more by attacking a woman’s natural beauty. It mounts shame upon shame.

So how do we fight this?

Well I have one creative solution, but before I reveal it, the first and foundational step is to work on your relationship with God. No person, including yourself, can even give you the wholeness you need to stand before God and others without shame. Only your Creator, the one who granted you life with purpose and intention, and then loved you enough to sacrifice His son, can give you that security.

But in addition to that, I have a little homework for you. I want you to pick out the physical features that you like the least, and start thanking God for them. Pray that God would reveal to you how beautiful those things are. If you don’t like your nose, or your legs, or even your butt (that’s right, God thinks you’ve got a great booty! After all, He gave it to you!), pray that God would open your eyes to the beauty that He sees in them.

For some of you, you might even consider standing in front of the mirror completely in the buff, looking at your whole body, and worshiping God for it. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but your body really is beautiful to God, and we don’t praise God nearly enough for our bodies, so try it!

It may sound a little off the wall, but given that we were created in the gorgeous and divine image of God, I think it’s time we mount a grass roots effort to resist the turn of our culture. And it starts with you.

Forbes Magazine recently published an articled entitled “College Daze” in which the author examined the slipping standards of American universities. According to the author, colleges are no longer a place to prepare young people for adulthood, but to instead prolong their childhood.

Rather than discipline students and train them for the real world, spineless professors are pampering their students through widespread grade inflation, no longer holding their students accountable for tardy and below average work. As the author sees it, college is a place to get maximum benefit with the least amount of effort. A Duke University administrator even noted that the school has run out of classroom space between the hours of 11 and 2:15 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, reflecting an effort on the part of the students to extend the weekend for as long as possible.

The author concludes that maturity and a strong work ethic are no longer valued principles in our generation. We are spoiled and we are lazy.

Now before I go into the ways I agree with the author, let me first say that I don’t think the situation is quite so dire. There is a tendency to reminisce about “the good ‘ol days,” romanticizing them in a way that exaggerates reality. Not everyone in college worked hard 30 years ago. I’m pretty sure there was a beer or two to be had. Plus, I have quite a few friends who have worked their tails off in college–probably working harder than was even healthy. Not all students used to be perfect, and not all students today are completely hopeless.

That said, the author is in many ways correct. Statistics dealing with grade inflation and class scheduling are tough to argue with. The author also noted how much complaining goes on when a prof isn’t a complete and total pushovers. It used to be considered a virtue when your professor prepared you for the real world by holding you accountable for late or unsatisfactory work. Now we whine and feel sorry for ourselves, maybe even call our profs a few choice names.

And I’ve done this. I can’t disagree with the author one bit on that point.

The reason I bring this up today is not to go on a rant about the laziness of our generation…though it is something we should think long and hard about. But the reason I raise this issue is that it challenges us all to pause and ask ourselves:

Why am I in school?

And don’t stop there. Why do I have this job? Wherever you are, why has God placed you there?

It’s so easy to think of our particular season in life as a means to an end. I go to school to get a good job. I get a good job so that I can make money and have the life I want. But we don’t always see our places in life as ends unto themselves. We don’t consider them to be a particular calling.

Yet this is an area in which Christians have an opportunity to stand out. Given the way our culture views our generation, we can break the mold by embracing college and our careers in an exceptional way. We can work diligently and carefully. We can refuse to join in with our peers in whining when our professor or boss is harsh or unforgiving. We can choose to have a positive attitude in the face of tough classes or difficult work environments, knowing that such experiences build character, perseverance, and discipline.

We can work as if we are working for God, and not man. (Col. 3:23)

We inhabit a generation that society has labeled lazy, immature, and irresponsible, but we cannot afford to let God’s name be tarnished with such a reputation. This is about more than ourselves, but about the name of Jesus Christ in this world. That is why college cannot be seen as just an opportunity to prolong our childhood and sew our wild oats, but must instead be seen as a high calling.

That is why any work is a high calling. Once we bear the name of Christ, everything we do is done in his name, whether it actually reflects his character or not. I challenge you to answer that high call this semester. It’s not just a hard chemistry class or a terrible psych prof–those are opportunities to glorify your Creator.

Seize them.

Is there a person in your life who immediately causes your body to tense up whenever you hear their name? Maybe they hurt you, or you are jealous of them, or you just think they’re really annoying, but whatever the reason you don’t like hearing about them. Especially when it’s good.

I have this particular reaction to a few people in my life who have hurt me in the past. As soon as their names are mentioned, my heart rate speeds up and I can feel my spirit grow angry. My mind starts racing with all the things they’ve done to wrong me and all the reasons I don’t like them. I consider all the searing accusations I could level at them.

And as much as I would like to say that my reaction to these people is always Christ-like, I cannot. Because these people have wronged me, I feel justified in slandering them. The words tumble out of my mouth, almost uncontrollably, in what can only be described as verbal diarrhea. At times, I can even hear myself doing this, which leads me to subconsciously scream, “Stop talking!”

But I don’t.

Instead, I rationalize my actions. I’m merely relaying the facts of what they did, and reflecting my feelings on the matter. As far as I’m concerned, I’m the victim.

But the moment I open my mouth and tarnish another person’s reputation is the moment I make that person a victim as well. Someone may victimize me, but I am still accountable for how I respond, and on this point Scripture is clear–we are to do as Christ has done.

We are to forgive seventy times seven, we are to love unfailingly, and we are to treat others with kindness. This doesn’t mean being their best friend, but it certainly means responding to them with the respect that their divine image warrants.

Not because they deserve it, but because Christ has done much more for you and me.

And here’s another perspective to consider when you find yourself slandering another–you are doing a great deal of damage to yourself as well. By this, I mean that you are enslaving yourself to feelings of jealousy, bitterness, and hard-heartedness. When I talk about someone in a negative way, it only sews deeper seeds of bitterness that slowly poison my own heart. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like feeling that way. And I always regret it later.

But when we choose not to slander another person, we choose to set ourselves free from those feelings. We also set ourselves free from wondering what other people think about us. Whenever I gossip, I later suspect that I’ve said more about myself than the person I described. In the eyes of my listener, I’m just a bitter girl who doesn’t have the courage or integrity to approach the person myself.

Our words can truly be our bondage, which is why Scripture comes down so hard about it…

- Death and life are in the power of the tongue (Prov. 18:21)

- The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a snare of death. (Prov. 21:6)

- A lying tongue hates its victims (26:28)

- If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. (James 1:26)

- So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. (James 3:5-6)

These verses come to mind whenever I find myself talking endlessly about people who have hurt me. I could have ended the wrongs by never responding in kind, but instead I prolong the cycle, allowing my tongue to “set the forest ablaze” by spreading gossip and slander among people who are not even involved. Not only is my heart poison, but now I’m poisoning others.

That is the danger of the tongue. It is a powerful force for wrong if we let it, so keep this in mind the next time you find yourself bad-mouthing another, and justifying your words as a victim. Christ has called us to far better things.

And if you ever happen to be in my company when I start talking this way, let me first apologize for being such a jerk, but let me also give you free reign to scream something along the lines of “somebody put a cork in her!” It won’t hurt my feelings, and I was probably already thinking it myself.

So yesterday I had another one of those “you really shouldn’t date him” conversations with one of my friends. You know the kind–your friend likes a guy who isn’t a Christian, and even though she knows she can’t marry him, she still sees potential for change so she wants to date him.

Whenever we see our friends do this, the reaction is always the same. We always act mildly scandalized by the idea, pondering the seeming absurdity with an ever so subtle self-righteousness: “I just don’t understand why she would even consider dating someone who isn’t a Christian! I mean, a non-Christian wouldn’t be able to understand the very core of me if he doesn’t know Christ!”

And thus our friend is swiftly cast off into the “back-sliding Christian” pile.

Now I have to be honest, I have definitely said those words myself. I have acted shocked and appalled when one of my friends dated a non-Christian because to me, it seems so simple. Scripture is clear!

But if that’s the case, then why does it happen so often?

One of the reasons Christians fall into missionary dating so easily is because of the very attitude displayed above. Our inability to comprehend a deep emotional connection with a non-Christian reveals our shallow perception of human relationships, as well as a dangerous naiveté.

Let me explain what I mean. Whenever I think about the idea of dating a non-Christian, I think something along the lines of, “No way! He would probably cuss all the time and want to have sex with me and he wouldn’t understand my heart or my drive at all.”

Well newsflash: not all non-Christians are like that! You can be non-Christian and still have high moral principles, a desire to seek truth and knowledge, and an ability to challenge others intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

That said, when we deny the possibility that we could have any sort of emotional, intellectual or spiritual connection with a non-Christian, then we let our guard down and set ourselves up to fall. We allow our hearts to become intimate in ways that are not wise because we have created a false sense of security. And slowly but surely, without even realizing it, we find ourselves connected with a non-Christian in a way we never expected…or even knew was possible.

And because of our past stereotypes about non-Christians, stereotypes in which we believed that most non-Christians are shallow or unable to be spiritually engaged, we think that our case is an exception: “I know he’s not a Christian, but this is different. He shows so much potential!” Plus, you might have a better relationship with him than you’ve even had with other Christians, which encourages you to rationalize it all the more.

For that reason, we should be wary of thinking about Christians and non-Christians in categories of deep and shallow, moral and immoral, or spiritual and non-spiritual. The only difference between us is that Christians have been saved by the grace of God, which means that many non-Christians can be more intellectual, philosophical, emotionally attentive, or spiritually challenging than Christians.

And with that in mind, we should never be so complacent or arrogant as to think that we are immune to the temptation of dating a non-Christian. The reason Scripture warns us against it is not because non-Christians are jerks, or because the relationship will be totally unhealthy. On the contrary, there are a lot of great non-Christians out there!

The reason Scripture warns against it is because you are ultimately centering yourself on something other than Christ. Being a Christian means that Christ is at the center of every part of your life, and this will be difficult if not impossible if you actively choose to marry someone who is opposed to Christ. You will instead be settling for a false idol.

So be humble, and be guarded. Being friends with non-Christians is a wonderful thing, but when it comes to members of the opposite sex, use caution. You may not be quite as strong as you think.

And keep that in mind the next time your friend dates a non-Christians. Perhaps shock and horror is not the best help for them, or your own ego.

This past week Barack Obama and John McCain appeared together at Rick Warren’s church for a discussion of their beliefs. Although I was slightly weirded out that the event was hosted by a church, I was pleased that Warren pushed them on issues relevant to evangelical Christians, particular that of abortion.

For me, the topic of abortion is a very central one. One’s stance on abortion reveals a lot about one’s understanding of the value of human life. Period.

HOWEVER, just because you are opposed to abortion does not mean you are consistently pro-life, and that is what I want to discuss today.

To be pro-life is to value all life, across all ethnic and class lines. And while I don’t want to go into all the details of how that might play out, there is one instance that I want to highlight here:

How does one’s pro-life ideology relate to birth control?

Now before I dive into this, let me give you a little bit of background as to why this has been on my mind of late. You see, recently I’ve been seeing a commercial that irks me every time it airs. In the commercial, a woman stands in the foreground describing all that could happen to her in the next 5 years–she could get a promotion, buy a new house, coach soccer, move to Memphis or finally finish a book.

“But,” the commercial continues, “if your plans don’t include having a baby, then consider taking _______. ”

I then checked out the contraceptive’s website, and it’s all about having a worry-free, hassle-free life.

Now is it me, or are a lot of birth control commercials now sounding just like this? There’s another commercial that bemoans the hardship of having to take a pill every day and how inconvenient that can be. Why not simplify your life with a once a month shot? Or an IUD that you NEVER had to think about? Then you don’t have to deal with the annoyance of daily birth control. What a relief!

The language of these commercials is what gets me–worry free? Hassle free? That’s the same kind of thing you hear about vacations, buying a car, ab workouts, or 30 minute meals. But birth control? They talk about time and sacrifice as if it’s a bad thing, but when it comes to family and children, is “quick and easy” really the best approach?

It is clear from commercials like these that the culture has turned birth control into just another instant gratification means to getting the life you want. A baby is not convenient for me right now, so I’m gonna take a little pill that prevents the unpleasantness of an unwanted child.

And herein lies the problem: when we treat birth control that way, we find ourselves using the exact same language as the pro-choice camp. We treat children as being valuable on a conditional basis. Only when they come at certain, predetermined times are we really excited to have them. Otherwise, they can stand in the way of getting what we want on the time line we want it.

All of this is not to say that birth control is in itself wrong. There is something to be said for being responsible–I wouldn’t have unprotected sex with my husband anymore than I would drive without a seat belt. Trusting God doesn’t mean letting the chips fall where they may. There is a degree to which we must take responsibility for our own actions, and be good stewards of what we have.

But our motives for doing so should be distinctly different than the world’s.

And something else to consider–some birth controls affect the lining of the uterus, making it difficult for an egg to attach to the wall of the uterus. In such cases, it is still possible to get pregnant, but we are, in a sense, creating an inhospitable environment for our potential children. It’s like we’re saying, “I’ll take you, but only if you can survive in the hostile environment I’ve created for you.” That’s not exactly a pro-life attitude is it?

What’s more, artificial birth control requires the very least sacrifice and thought on our parts. Natural birth control demands that we be thoughtful and intentional about our bodies and our sex lives, in a way that taking a pill each day does not. When we take a pill, we don’t have to think about it quite as carefully, which I find a bit worrying. If we call ourselves a people who value family highly and want to discerningly protect it, such an instant gratification approach should cause us to pause and examine ourselves.

It is for all of these reasons that I will seriously have to pray through whether or not to take birth control whenever I get married. There are still natural methods of birth control, so if I don’t take a pill or an IUD, then I will certainly practice natural methods until we feel God calling us to intentionally expand our family. But in the meantime I’m trying to discern what it means to practice “pro-life” with my body and in my language about human life.

Please don’t misunderstand me to mean that taking a contraceptive is morally wrong or counter to Scripture, because that is not at all what I mean. There are certainly times when we are not yet able to provide the life that our children deserve, and in those cases I believe that contraceptives are warranted.

But if it’s simply a matter of inconvenience, if it’s a matter of not having the quality of life you would want to have, not being able to afford all the luxuries you would otherwise be able to have, then be wary. I know a lot of people who say, “We can’t afford to have a baby right now,” but in reality, that’s not really true. If they accidentally got pregnant, they would be just fine–they’d just have to cut corners a bit more. So when we find ourselves speaking about babies that way, we must be honest with ourselves and admit that we are talking about children using the same language as the world.

When it’s all said and done, I don’t have any prescriptive wisdom or a concrete answer to give. I honestly and sincerely believe that each couple should prayerfully make their own decision, and whatever position they come to is right for them. But be sure to ask yourselves how your language about that decision differs from the world. Ask yourselves how the orientation of your heart differs from the world’s. Is this an area of your life that you have totally surrendered to God, or are you wanting to hold a tight grip of control on it, under the guise of being responsible with your resources?

To be pro-life is to value life to the utmost, no matter when or how it comes. That is what I offer here, so let us be Christians who live out our beliefs in every corner of our lives, and lifestyles. Please pray about what that looks like in your own life.

I am a terrible listener. Seriously. Whenever someone comes to me with a problem, my first reactions is to fix it with as many different nuggets of “wisdom” as I can possibly throw at them. It’s like an artillery barrage of Christian advice.

I think there’s a part of me that secretly thinks I’ll look super holy if I can offer just the right input. It can even turn into a competition–I’m trying to out-advise all other Christians, including the person I’m advising. Then they’ll think I’m pretty awesome, and hopefully tell others.

But sometimes, people just need you to listen. They don’t want you to argue, disagree, or even be helpful. They just need an ear.

Well with that in mind, I want to offer you a blog post from one of my all-time favorite blogs. It’s called Stuff Christians Like, and the title of the post is “The Judgment Olympics.” It’s hilarious, but also really true, so I hope you are as challenged by it as I am. Christian advice can often get really messed up….

I don’t get a lot of hate mail. In more than 300 posts, I have received only a handful of comments from people that sincerely don’t like me. But every now and then I get someone that wants to judge the blog.

I am cool with that. I think we need to discern and discuss and analyze. That’s good and I am going to make mistakes that need to be fixed. The challenge is that sometimes it’s so easy for discernment to mutate into judgement. And also, it’s really hard to know when someone has done a quality job of judging you.

That’s why I decided to hold the first annual Stuff Christians Like Judgment Olympics. Not only is it topical in this Olympic year but I think it will give you something great to say back to someone that says something judgmental to you. Imagine yelling “Gold Medal!” when someone in your small group says something unkind to you. Dare to dream Jon, dare to dream.

Here are the events:

1. The “I used to”
You’ve just confessed something that is going on in your life and the person across from you pauses and then says, “I used to do that a lot too before I really connected with God.” Ohhh, I used to is a powerful, powerful phrase. What this does is set up that the person you’re talking with has moved beyond what you are struggling with. When they were a sweaty Philistine they used to do what you are doing, but now that life is angelic that just don’t do that anymore.
Gold Medal

2. The “I’m with God.”
The best thing to do when you really want to judge someone is draw up sides. Make sure you take the side of God first which automatically puts the other person on the side of satan. Sound extreme and like something that doesn’t happen? It does. Here’s what it looks like: “I understand what you are saying, I guess I’m just going to go with God on this one.” Or, “I’m not telling you my opinion, I’m just telling you what the Bible and God say.” The implication is that you’re not disagreeing with the other person, you’re disagreeing with the Alpha and Omega. Which does not feel awesome.
Silver Medal

3. The “half and half”
This is probably my favorite one. In this form, you give a fake compliment, followed up by what you really feel. For example, if you don’t like a certain minister you might say, “He’s got a great ministry, unless you feel that learning about the Bible is important.” or “That’s a great song, if you don’t mind devil music.” This the equivalent of waving your hand around to make someone look at it while your foot kicks them in the groin.
Silver Medal

4. The “Judgement Squared”
This one is kind of funny. Sometimes people will judge me for being too judgmental. That’s like swimming in the ocean next to me and telling me that I’m wet. Hey, wait a second, you’re wet too, I want to say. If you ever angrily, aggressively say the sentence, “who gives you the right to judge?” then you’ve just won yourself a medal.
Bronze Medal

5. The “for me.”
This is similar to number 2, but does not have to involve throwing the God card directly. Let’s say I write a post about some kind of worship music that I think is overplayed in church. Someone reads that, and then says, “I guess for me, worship is about communing with God and not my own narcissistic sense of enjoyment.” That sounds a little extreme, but I once got in an argument with someone that read my completely silly post about holding hands and then accused me of probably not liking to touch the homeless. We ended up working it out, but the initial implication was, “You don’t like interlinking fingers with people at church? For me, touch is about loving others like Jesus. Why do you hate the homeless?”
Gold Medal

To read the whole of this post, click here.

Now here’s your homework: The next time someone comes to you for advice, I challenge you to spend as little time talking as possible. Even if there’s an awkward silence and you feel like you HAVE to fill the space, don’t. I guarantee the person you’re conversing with will keep talking–they just need that silence to process their own thoughts. I can’t tell you how many people have told me what great advice I gave them, when they actually came to the conclusion on their own…I just happened to be sitting next to them.

So try it. Not only will you be a much better listener, but you significantly decrease your chances of winning a medal in the Judgment Olympics.

One of the topics I spend a lot of time writing, teaching and speaking about is beauty. Beauty is a central theme in women’s ministry because all women desire it. And in the face of this desire, women’s ministry fights to protect God’s standard of beauty when culture perverts it.

But having said that, what is beauty? If we are going to resist the world’s understanding of beauty in favor of God’s, we should probably know exactly what we’re talking about. Unfortunately, this is a much harder task than one might initially think. Just pause for a moment and ask yourself: How would you define beauty??

Beauty is one of those ideas on which it is tough to put a finger. We know something is beautiful when we see it, but how does one actually define beauty? After all, what one person calls beautiful, another person might find ugly. Why is beauty defined so differently by so many people and cultures?

Well I discovered the reason for this discrepancy in opinions in the very definition of the word. Wesbter’s dictionary defines beauty as follows:

1: the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit : loveliness

2: a beautiful person or thing; especially : a beautiful woman

3: a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality

Notice in the first definition that an object is called beautiful according to the pleasure it evokes in the mind or spirit. Now that is quite a tricky definition given its extreme subjectivity! One person might find something to be beautiful because it stirs pleasurable sensations in them, but another person will not call that thing beautiful if it does not stir up the same feelings of pleasure.

So which individual is right? Who is to decide what is beautiful and what is not, if the only measure of beauty is an individual’s personal feelings of pleasure?

Well at this point I decided to turn to Scripture since Webster’s definition was running me in circles. If you search the Bible for the word “beautiful,” you will find that it appears about 75 times. Of those appearances, only two or three are references to men. The remaining 73 references are applied to objects that we more traditionally understand as being beautiful: clothing, jewels, crowns, flowers, cities, and God, but it is most frequently applied to women.

I also found a frequently used phrase, “the perfection of beauty,” which is always used to describe God. What’s more, the New Testament almost exclusively references beauty in the context of service to God. In Matt. 26:10 Jesus asks, “Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a beautiful thing to me.” And in Romans 10:15 declares, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” Within these contexts, beauty is directly connected to the glory of the Lord.

With all of that in mind, we have a little bit more information about beauty. We know that God is the perfection of beauty, thereby making Him the ultimate standard of beauty. We also know that women somehow possess that beauty in a unique and definitive way.

How, then, are we to define beauty? Honestly, I’m still not quite sure. It seems to be an attribute that almost defies description or definition. It captures us in a way we cannot articulate, and it transports our hearts and minds to a place that is other-worldly. When we see something beautiful, we know that we are experiencing a taste of the divine, but we may not fully understand why or how.

And perhaps that is why we cannot define it–it is beyond our limited capacity to comprehend. Not until we reach the other side of eternity will we truly grasp the glory of true beauty as God defines it. For now, we must be satisfied with mere echoes of it.

What, then, does that mean for women and their understanding of beauty in the face of culture? Two things. One–while we struggle to pinpoint the basic definition of beauty, we can know that God creates certain things to specifically reflect God’s beauty (such as flowers and sunsets) but women reflect that beauty in an especially unique way. While men can be beautiful (both David and Moses were described this way) the majority of Scripture applies the description to women.

That said, women were created to reflect this attribute of God in their very essence. It is written into our beings. We were created with it, so it is an essence that no culture can undermine. Beauty is never defined by certain physical attributes, but instead as that which best reflects God. Any definition of beauty that sets itself up against the basic beauty and divine image inherent in every single woman is a definition in conflict with the beauty of God.

Two–beauty is anything that brings glory to God. Many of the contexts in which the word “beauty” is implemented involve service to and worship of God. Whether it describes the “beautiful feet” of those who spread the Gospel, or beautiful jewels of God’s temple, they are all meant to point back to God.

As women, that is the only way we should consider “improving” our beauty–by reflecting God all the more with our lives. 1 Timothy reminds us that we should not adorn ourselves with jewels, trendy clothes, or plastic surgery. The only makeover we need is one of the soul–we should adorn ourselves with modesty, self-control, and good works.

So when it comes to being beautiful, don’t seek to change or augment those things that God gave you at birth. He created you the way He did because it was beautiful to Him. The only thing we can add to such beauty is a spirit surrendered to God. Any other definition of beauty only seeks to glorify ourselves and calls God a shabby Creator. Let us instead be women who embrace a true definition of beauty, and evidence that beauty with our lives.

Well I am back from spending 2 weeks on the other side of the world, and it was awesome! I tried foods I swore I’d never try (if you ever come across a fruit called durian, run far, far away as fast as you can) and I saw things I never dreamed of seeing. It was a fantastic mission trip in which God taught me a lot, and I am so glad that I went!

You know, mission trips are a funny thing. We go on them for a variety of reasons, but those reasons generally have something to do with obedience. We’re responding to Jesus’ Great Commission, or we’re challenging ourselves to leave our comfort zones for the sake of Christ, etc. But whatever the reason, we can always come home and pat ourselves on the back for acting in obedience to God. The trip may have been hard at times, but gosh we sure are good Christians for raising all that money and going overseas to speard the Gospel! God is surely so proud of us!

But as I look back on this trip, I feel quite the opposite. Yes, I went overseas and made some sacrifices to do so. Yes, I acted in obedience for the sake of Christ. Those are all good things. But this whole experience has showed me something about God and about myself that I cannot allow to be overshadowed by my valiant gesture to go a mission trip. What matters even more than sweeping acts of obedience and giant stabs at faithfulness is what we do in between.

Yes, I went on a mission trip. Hooray for me! But how did I treat my fellow teammates every day of that trip? How did I respond to others when they were getting on my nerves or I was exhausted from traveling? When I wasn’t in “ministry mode” with non-Christians, how did I carry myself when I let my guard down?

Not so good.

You see, I can be a totally awesome Christian for about an hour or two. When I’m meeting with non-Christians and sharing the Gospel, I can be so sweet and kind and sincere and loving. It’s really impressive, and I look like a really great disciple of Christ!

But those short acts of obedience pale in comparison to the larger picture of my faith. While God does ask us to make incredible leaps of faith, our lives are not defined by leaps, but by the accumulation of thousands of tiny steps. I may do something tremendously obedient every now and then, but those occasional gestures will not determine the overall trajectory of my life.

Picture it kind of like this: Say that you’re walking on a hiking trail attempting to find your way back home. You think you’re going in the right direction, but then you take a wrong turn. It may not be a major wrong turn–just a small enough turn to take you off the trail. Then you take another small, wrong turn, and then another, and then another.

Hours later, you realize the mistake you’ve made–you are WAY off the trail. So what do you do to solve the problem? You establish the right direction, and then head that way.

But say, for instance, that you decide to fix your problem by taking one running leap as far as you can in the right direction. Do you think that that one giant leap will fix your problem? Just because you made a giant corrective turn towards your destination, will you no longer be lost? No! Because you’ve just spent hours and hours going the wrong way, so it will take hours and hours of tiny steps back in the right direction before you have found your way home.

It is the same with faith. Obedience is not defined by the giant leaps of faith, but the accumulation of a million tiny ones. While I know God is pleased by my decision to go overseas, as well as my obedience in heeding the call to ministry, those actions are small in comparison to the day-to-day living of my life.

Do I pray every day? Do I spend time in the Word every day? Am I kind to my family, my roommates, or the people I don’t like? Am I intentional about sharing the Gospel here? Am I intentional about meeting new people and fostering Christ-centered friendships here? Do I gossip? Do I watch trashy t.v.? Do I exclude people because I’m too lazy to work toward a true vision of the Church? Or do I guard my tongue, watch what materials my mind consumes, and work to build up the Body of Christ in every way I can?

If you can’t answer all of those questions in a way that you know will please God, then you cannot deceive yourself into thinking that one mission trip, or even a career as a minister, will overcompensate. It is the small steps, not the large ones, that define us. That is the difference between selective obedience, and total surrender. So no matter how you spent your summer this year, and no matter how you intend to serve God this coming year, don’t forget to look at the small stuff. In God’s economy, that is what He’ll be looking at, so it’s time we measure obedience on His terms.

Have you ever dated someone who was perfect for you on paper, but you just couldn’t make the relationship work? Logically, they had everything that you were looking for in a spouse, but something was missing? You loved everything about them, but you weren’t in love with them? While it made sense in your head, there just wasn’t any chemistry.

Sometimes in the face of these situations, I would find myself telling others about how perfect the person was for me, but I would do so in the hopes of convincing myself. Deep down I knew that something was terribly wrong, but I thought that if I focused on all the things about him that were right and good, that the lack of attraction would simply go away.

This method never lasted very long, and soon the charade became apparent to everyone around me, including myself. In reality, a relationship that only works on paper is really no relationship at all.

Well I think that has happened to my relationship with God. On paper, it’s all there. I know all the right words to say, I pray, I do ministry, I disciple young women, and if you ask me why I believe the Gospel I can tell you without hesitation.

On paper, everything is perfect.

But all those things are starting to fall flat. This week I’ve been confronted with people who could be ostrasized by their families, or even killed, were they to profess faith in Christ. So when given the opportunity to share the Gospel with them, I’ve found myself hesitating. I have all the right answers to their questions and objections. I know the Scripture and apologetics like the back of my hand. So what is stopping me? One haunting question…

Is it worth it?

Is it worth it for these people to lose their families and friends all for the sake of changing to a better religion? Is it worth risking their lives, just to accept a more holistic worldview? On paper, it all makes sense to me. On paper, Christianity is the most logical understanding of humanity, the world, sin and God. But is having a correct worldview really worth the risk I’m asking them to take?

All week, my instincts have been telling me “no.” No it’s not worth risking all that, just to get someone to pray a prayer and believe the logic behind Christianity. It’s not worth taking their lives into their hands simply because someone presented them with a more compelling argument than that presented by Islam, Budhism, or Hinduism. If all we’re about is proposing the best argument, the best way of life, the most convincing worldview, then I can’t sell that to people who could lose everything because of it.

And that is the mindset that results when we reduce our faith to mere words. Logic and apologetics are all good things, but they are not enough to move mountains, let alone hearts. They may be true, but they lack power.

In 1 Corinthians 2:4 Paul writes, “My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power.” Without the power of God infusing our hearts and our minds, without authentic and transformational experience of His presence in your life, your relationship with God will be just as exciting as a dating relationship that only works on paper. In your head, it all makes sense, but your heart just isn’t in it.

That is why my heart has been so hesitant to share the Gospel with those for whom it could mean culture alienation. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the power of God in my life in a real, transformational way, so my words fall flat in the face of real risk. And when I did share the Gospel, I felt just like a girl trying to convince herself that her boyfriend is perfect for her, when deep down her heart just isn’t in it.

As soon as I identified this issue in my heart, I started praying for an experience of God’s mighty power. Being the faithful God that He is, I have felt it in an undeniable way. Nothing huge and earth-shattering, at least not yet, but just enough to remember the power behind the words that I speak. Just enough to remind me that it IS worth the risk. That we don’t merely share the Gospel because it makes the most sense, but because it really is GOOD news. It is life and peace and freedom for all who believe. It is unity with God and everlasting life, a life that begins here and now amidst so much death and darkness.

The Gospel is all of those things, but even saying it now will mean nothing to my heart or yours if my words are not infused with the power of God’s Spirit. And that is only something that God can give. That said, we can never spread the Gospel apart from a total dependence upon God. We may know how to turn a phrase or stage an argument, but if we are not experiencing God’s power then we will never convince others, let alone ourselves.

Are you experiencing God’s power right now? Does it light up your heart and mind, and compel you to go tell the world? If not, pray that it does, because we should never be people of mere words. We should also be people of power.