Next week at my ministry’s worship service Joe Jones will be speaking on 1 Corinthians 2 and the topic of wisdom. In preparation for his talk, Joe is going to be posting 2 blogs as a lead-up to Tuesday night. Joe is one of my best friends and a powerful communicator of the Word, so even though many of you won’t be able to attend his talk next week, I guarantee you will be challenged and entertained by his writing.

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One of the funniest things I remember about my childhood is that I firmly believed my father would accidentally spank me to death. I would freak out so much over spankings people thought my parents were abusive –though my parents never were.

The main reason I thought I would die is that my father is huge. He’s about 6’7,” weighs 300-something pounds. He’s so big that every time he would visit my elementary school, kids would talk for days about how I was being raised by a giant. This was awesome, because in the fiercely competitive social battle war-zone that was Dowell Elementary School, the only thing cooler than having a giant dad was having a Nintendo Power Glove.

The confusion concerning my dad spanking me to death was not my only childhood misconception. I thought all dinosaurs were big alligators, I thought babies were made when people hugged in bed, and thought the tooth fairy was just an old lady that collected teeth while riding in a magical flying ferry boat.

There is a name for the specific type of misconceptions that are popular among children – Kid Logic. In particular, Kid Logic is defined as the misconceptions children have about the world that is caused by an over-confidence in the small amount of knowledge they do have.

As I get older, I am convinced that Kid Logic is also a popular phenomenon in the church. More often than I would like, when I’m traveling and speaking at conferences I’ll hear a Christian who read a few books on evangelism or led a couple of Bible studies ranting about how some other set of Christians is wrong or how Christians on their campus should REALLY be doing ________ . And I quietly think to myself – that’s Christian Kid Logic. Christian Kid Logic is when Christians with a little bit of knowledge about God become so over over-confident in our beliefs that we start making claims about what the entire Christian world SHOULD be doing.

The dangers of Christians applying Kid logic is not a new issue. Case in point: 1 Corinthians chapter 2.

At the beginning of 1 Corinthians 2, the author is telling a group of Christians to stop arguing over which Christian preachers and scholars know the most about God. This type of Christian debate also happens a lot in the modern church. Just insert modern arguments over which worship music style is best, church size, and/or what type of preaching is best, and you find yourself with a modern version of this very old fight.

The author of 1 Corinthians does something unexpected. He argues that truth is not simply revealed through logic or the possession of knowledge, but also through experience. Why would he argue this? Because there will always be intelligent men and women who can effectively use complex logic and articulate language to give the appearance of truth in almost any argument. However, truth that is supported by experience over the passage of time is very difficult to fake.

Hitler used logic to argue Aryans were a super race; scientists once claimed slavery was necessary for the development of the savage natives ; and according to record sales statistics, the Jonas Brothers should be considered a legitimate music group – experience and time have revealed all three beliefs to be categorically false.

In short, the beginning of 1 Corinthians chapter 2 is saying that the problem of Christians using Kid Logic is not that Christians have not read enough books to make better arguments. Rather, Christians need to live such that our life experience reveals to both ourselves, and the rest of the world, that Christ is true.

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To read more of Joe’s writing, check out his blog at www.iagreewithjoe.com

Several years ago a college student came to me and told me about a crazy living situation that she was dealing with. She lived with several other Christian girls, and they were engaging in what can only be described as passive aggressive guerrilla warfare against one another.

Their mode of assault? Post-it notes.

You see several of the girls in the house were notoriously bad about cleaning the dishes and taking out the trash, so someone got the bright idea to leave post-it notes by the sink and trash, rebuking them for such unthoughtfulness. The anonymously written post-it would read something like,

“Someone needs to clean up their dishes.” (Emphasis on “someone”)

But the aggression didn’t end there. Soon post-it notes were popping up all over the kitchen. A post-it note by the trash: “Someone needs to take out the trash.” A post-it note on the fridge: “Someone needs to throw away their old food.”

And so the battle waged.

I’m not really sure how it all ended, but what sticks out to me about this story is the idea that Christian women were doing this to one another. All communication had broken down. No, they weren’t going Jerry Springer on one another and cat-fighting it out til there was blood, but they were hardly enjoying solid Christian fellowship with one another.

Yet as much as I would like to judge these girls and look down on them, I can’t. Anyone who’s ever had a roommate knows how hard it can be to share space with another person. You have to work with their differing expectations, their differing lifestyle and their differing standards of cleanliness. You also increase the likelihood of running into one another’s ugly sinful side–it’s hard to hide your bad sides from the person you live with.

And as a result, your roommate might start to get on your nerves. Or even infuriate you.

That’s why living in community, whether you’re a college student or you’re married, is going to test you, and it’s going to test you in two key ways:

1. Community will test your patience–No matter how much you love the person you live with, there are going to be times when you butt heads. That’s what happens when you put sinners together–they’re like beta fish. So the question is how you will respond when that conflict inevitably happens. You can either choose to be bitter and harbor all kinds of secret animosities toward them, or you can choose to serve them and love them anyway.

The first option will lead to an eventual disintegration of the relationship. The second will be hard, but much more rewarding. If your roommate leaves a dish in the sink, clean it for them without keeping a record of wrongs. Don’t keep track of who has taken the trash out the most or who cleans the apartment the most. Why? Because the goal is not a clean living space–the goal is to model Christ to them and love one another better.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t express concerns or frustrations with your roommate–communication is vital to a healthy relationship. But it does mean that you’re aware you’re living with a sinner, and you’re prepared to love and serve them anyway.

2. Community will test your selfishness–Christians are kind of funny about how they demonstrate selflessness. They will travel to the ends of the earth to feed people in Africa, but they won’t show their roommates or friends the slightest amount of courtesy. If you are the kind of roommate who leaves your stuff out all the time, who stays up late making lots of noise so that no one else can sleep, or who turns on all the lights in the morning regardless of whether or not others are awake, then you are not loving your roommate the way you should.

The true test of of a selfish heart is not how you love strangers. It’s not even discernible in how you care for some of your friends. The true test of your character is revealed in the way you treat the people with whom you spend most of your time.

If you’re a bad roommate, then you need to focus first on loving your roommate better before you get to the task of reaching the world.

Living in a community is hard, and it highlights the darkest parts of our heart. But that can be a good thing–it shows us what we need to work on. So before you go blaming conflict on your annoying roommate who is so inconsiderate and doesn’t care about anyone but herself, stop and examine yourself first. She might just think the exact same thing about you.

*And I can’t write this blog without adding that my current roommates are amazing and they model Christ to me everyday. I am very blessed, and very grateful.

Several years ago my dad, who has extensive professional experience working with and researching on the stock market, told me the weirdest thing:

Studies have shown that modesty is cyclical in direct correlation to the economy. When the economy is doing well, the modesty of women’s fashion declines. When the economy is doing poorly, modesty arises.

For the longest time I was completely mystified by this. What on earth would the economy have to do with women’s fashion?

Now that our country is facing harder economic times, I’m beginning to understand the dynamics behind such a phenomenon. As more and more people lose their jobs and our financial outlook becomes more uncertain, people are exercising a lot more self-control than they used to. We’re starting to watch where our money goes, we’re cutting back on expenses, and we’re only spending what we make, not more.

By necessity, we are reacquiring the virtues of discipline and self-control. And when these virtues become a part of your mindset, they affect more than just your money–they affect every part of your life and the way you make decisions, including the clothing you wear.

That said, the story of the recession and its correlation to modesty is less about the economy and more about our character. The way we spend our money and the way we dress are both rooted in the same place: our hearts.

Just think about it–one of the main reasons we are in a recession is due to a loss of self-control. A large percentage of Americans began spending more money than they were making, so we created an economy founded on credit and debt. Everything that we had–our possessions and our lavish lifestyles–it was all an illusion. Much of it had been acquired with money that we didn’t actually have.

To treat money that way is to be careless and reckless, but that recklessness was not limited to our finances. We’ve seen it in women’s modesty, and we’ve seen it in our country’s sexuality. Our nation has become defined by a total lack of discipline or temperance.

That is a spiritual problem, not a financial one.

Fortunately, this state of affairs may begin to change in light of our economy. Americans will be forced to think about self-control for the first time in a long while, and hopefully our country will benefit as a result. But what’s disappointing is that it took a recession to get us there. Rather than leading by example, many Christians bought into the extravagance just like every other American. Many of us have been living outside of our means, racking up our credit card bills and accumulating a lot of debt.

Until now we weren’t held accountable for such recklessness, but God uses times like these as a bullhorn into our hearts and minds: God cares about what you do with your money! Not because He’s some scrooge in the sky who doesn’t want you to have any fun, but because what you do with your money is a great indicator of the spiritual state of your heart.

If you are wise with your money and exercise discernment in its use, then you probably exercise discernment in how you spend your time, what movies you see and what internet sites you visit. If you practice self-control with your spending, then you’re probably exercising self-control in your physical relationship your boyfriend, or with your kids when you get angry. If you are generous with your money, then you’re probably generous in patience with your co-workers or your spouse.

Responsible money management is not itself the end. How we spend our money merely highlights our character. It’s only a symptom of one’s heart toward God and others.

So I encourage you to examine your spending habits over the last few years, and then examine how they have changed since the recession. If there is a significant difference, then you need to ask yourself why. The way we treat money should be the same regardless of the economy because it all belongs to God. Just because the economy is doing well does not make it somehow less God’s and more ours to spend extravagantly. We will learn this lesson in the coming years, but the real test is whether or not we remember it.

A recession will force our hand, but what we really need is a change of heart.

One of my favorite stories from my early courtship with Ike (my fiancé) begins with my initial belief that he was a TOTAL sketchball.

My perception of him largely originated from the way we met–he was being auctioned off at a charity date auction. And no, I did NOT bid on him. I was there to support a friend–totally innocent on my part. In his defense, Ike claims it was “all for a good cause” but I wasn’t so sure.

As a result of my initial impression, Ike spent the following 2 months convincing me otherwise. Week after week he took me on dates, but not once did he ever make a move. He never tried to kiss me, put his arm around me, hold my hand, or really even touch me. At first it was nice, but after awhile I started to wonder if he was even attracted to me…or girls, for that matter. No guy had ever been so stand-offish before. Maybe he just liked taking girls out to dinner and paying for them?

Eventually he came clean and said that he wanted to make our relationship official. But even then I wasn’t sure about him. I needed more time. And time he gave me. We continued to go out and he continued to be a gentleman as he waited on me.

Now here’s where the story gets good: One night I was talking to him about how I STILL wasn’t ready to make things official, and I was very apologetic about it. I felt bad for making him wait so long. Ike’s response is something that I will never ever forget:

(Warning: if you have an aversion to slightly cheesy, uber romantic dating moments, avert your eyes now!)

“Sharon, when I think of you I realize how Jacob felt when he worked for 7 years to marry Rachel, but it only felt like a day. That’s how I feel about you. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

At that moment I’m fairly certain that I swooned. I had never heard anything so beautiful in my life, and it’s one of the reasons that I am engaged to him now.

But it also gave me a great perspective on dating. Many of my past dating relationships have been characterized by a sense of hurried urgency. We couldn’t stand to be away from one another, everything moved super fast, and the physical stuff was well on its way before the relationship was even official. There was very little waiting.

When it comes to romance, we hate to wait.

But when you meet the right guy, he’s going to have a vested interest in doing things right. He recognizes the precious treasure of winning your heart, so he’s willing to work for it. Just look at Jacob–he was hardly the poster child for honesty and integrity! He was not the kind of guy you’d bring home to dad. On the contrary, he was a scheming cheater and a liar.

But as soon as he laid eyes on Rachel, that boy snapped right into shape. He suddenly developed a work ethic. He honored the wishes of his father-in-law more than he’d honored his own father. He wanted to do everything just right because he wanted Rachel to be his wife, and that’s what she deserved.

That is the kind of behavior that godly women must wait for. Don’t date a guy with the secret hopes that he’s going to change–if he isn’t changing now then he won’t change when you’re married. And when it comes to the physical stuff, don’t put up with a guy who wants to sleep with you now because he can’t wait until marriage, or he simply doesn’t have any self-control. If he’s sleeping with you, then he doesn’t respect you the way God has called him to.

(And by the way, if Jacob could wait 7 years, your bf can certainly wait a few!)

This also goes for sleeping over. Even if you’re not having sex, there’s still a temptation to share a bed since it all seems innocent enough. And I can relate–it’s hard to send Ike packing at night when I know we’ll be getting married soon. Why not ease into the married life now? But Ike would never do that. The reason he waits for me now is the same reason he waited back then: I am worth it. Our relationship is worth it. Our future marriage is worth it. And most importantly, his commitment to Christ is worth it.

So stand for nothing less. Just because a guy isn’t respecting you now doesn’t mean you won’t find someone else who does. Plenty of guys refused to wait for me, but I found one who did. And let me tell you, it was WELL worth the wait!

In the past two weeks, #2 Duke beat a top 25 team by nearly a double digit margin, and #1 Carolina lost to an unranked team by almost the same amount.

In this part of the country, those are fightin words. But don’t worry, I’m not here to talk smack. At first glance, the above statement might imply that Duke is by far the superior basketball team, but appearances can be deceiving. You see Duke lost to an unranked team by an even greater margin earlier this season, a team that they’d already played and massacred two weeks prior.

In addition to that fact, you should also know that UNC beat a top 25 team by 35 points–a total blowout of a team with whom they should have been equally matched.

And this happens every year. Several top-ranked basketball teams end up losing to a team they should have decimated, an aberration amidst an otherwise dominant season.

Why is that?

There are several explanations for this, one of which is the presence of over-ranked teams, but there is also something psychological to it. Whenever Duke prepares to faces a tough opponent, they prepare themselves mentally and physically. They do all that they can to learn about the other team and equip themselves for superior play. Their minds are focused on one thing and one thing alone–how to outplay the enemy.

But I suspect the same amount of preparation is not involved when facing a lesser team. When a player knows that the game will probably be easy, he doesn’t prepare himself with the same degree of intensity. Psychological, his guard is down.

And what’s the result of letting his guard down in the face of a non-threatening opponent? The occasional upset.

It always surprises us, but it makes total sense.

What is fascinating to me about this phenomenon is that it’s not unlike the Christian life. When we spend time with non-Christians or go on a mission trip, we prepare for it with the same intensity as a Duke player facing Carolina. We’ll be uber intentional about everything we do and say, keeping our guard up, knowing that the Enemy is right around the corner doing the exact same thing. You morph yourself into the ultimate Christian.

But once we depart from these obvious mission fields, we approach our lives much like a top ranked team faces a Division 1 Nobody. We fail to prepare, we let our guards down, and we set ourselves up to fall. We become sitting ducks for the Enemy to take us down.

Just like an arrogant basketball team, we are most vulnerable to sin and temptation when we least expect it and when we are least prepared.

Keep that lesson in mind as the basketball season unfolds. Duke was not the first to fall, and Carolina will certainly not be the last. The false sense of confidence that led these teams to fall is just as present in every one of us. When you go see a shady movie with your Christian friends, when a believer dates a non-believer, or when a pastor has an affair in his church–these stumbles all start at the same place because sin never happens out of nowhere. Like a crouching lion, the Enemy waits for an opportunity. Be sure not to hand it to him.

Recently Collide Magazine published an article that considered the question, “Is Christian music dying.” It addressed what some perceive to be a growing irrelevance to the mainstream culture, as well as an increasing tendency among Christian musicians to buck the title of “Christian.” One industry insider went so far as to predict that the industry would eventually collapse altogether.

This article is not surprising. Christian music has been judged and scrutinized by Christians and non-Christians alike for many years. In high school my brother wouldn’t allow me to listen to the Christian radio station when he was in the car because he thought the quality was so unbearable.

So it’s actually become quite trendy to dislike Christian music. Some Christians wear their distaste as a mark of superior theology. It’s too cheesy and superficial for us “sophisticated” Christians to condone.

Yet as much as I would like to join in with this chorus (and I have in the past), something stops me. Yes, a lot of Christian music is cheesy and annoying and pales in comparison to the musical talent we see in the mainstream. But to judge Christian music purely on that basis is to miss the point.

The Christian music industry, and Christian musicians in the secular music industry, serve two very different functions. One reaches the Church, and the other reaches the world. Both are equally important roles, and both are equally Scriptural.

In response to this point, some of you may object, “But Christian music doesn’t minister to me. I’m too distracted by the bad music to hear the message.” Maybe that’s true for you, but it’s certainly not true for everyone. Many Christians enjoy the music intensely–it speaks to them. Just because it doesn’t fit your personal preference doesn’t invalidate the genre, or its mission, altogether.

What’s more, Christian music frequently contains lyrics taken straight from Scripture–I don’t care who you are or how musically brilliant you might be–truth is truth and Scripture is Scripture. It’s going to shape you in a positive way no matter the quality of music.

And that’s what I appreciate about Christian music. When I need a break from the cynical news on talk radio or the self-centered message of secular music, Christian music is a refreshing change. Whatever you listen to most will shape you, and I would prefer that that influence be Christ-centered.

I also happen to like some of the music. I admit it!

Granted, this is no excuse for Christian musicians to become sloppy or uncreative in their work–if anything, God deserves the very best of our innovation. There are certainly ways in which the industry can and must grow. But what I do mean is that we as Christians should have a little more respect for a valid ministry, a ministry that has inspired and encouraged the hearts and souls of countless believers. Not to mention my own.

In closing, I want to offer the final conclusion of the article itself. It’s a prescription for a better music industry, and I find it to be helpful since it challenges the Christian music industry to grow rather than dismiss the industry altogether:

Artists—Innovate, don’t imitate. Yes, every musician is influenced by those who came before, but don’t wear your influences so prominently on your sleeve. Make music that refuses to be pigeonholed as “the Christian White Stripes” or whatever the case may be. Dream about creating music so extraordinary that a mainstream act is known as “the secular you.” View your lyrics as poetry; don’t be content with rhyming clichés and scripture passages. Don’t turn your hooks into platforms for bumper sticker theology. Great artists, regardless of their chosen medium, see the world in unique ways and create art that tells the rest of us about what they see. See the world. Create art.

Labels—Refuse to function as holiness gatekeepers with Jesus-per-minute quotas to meet. Don’t play it safe; take some risks. Don’t be afraid of edgy or outspoken artists; pursue them. Reject formulas; embrace creativity. Don’t produce what you think we want to hear. Develop a vision for the future of Christian expression through music and share it with us. If your function as an industry is to minister, feed, and disciple, why is your product marketed as safe and family-friendly? Find the disconnect and fix it. Don’t rely on promoting an ethos and the nice people who make music for you. Promote good music.

Fans—This is perhaps the simplest of all—support great art. In doing so, you reward the risks taken on the part of artists and labels; furthermore, you are explicitly clear in what you’re looking for from the industry. Then, it’s up to them to respond.

To read the whole article click here.

I’ll never forget the day I bought my first washer and dryer.

I was standing in Best Buy talking prices with a man the size of an NFL linebacker. He was enormous, and he seemed pretty tough too. He looked more like a bouncer than a washing machine salesman.

After I had chosen my washer and dryer and began the purchasing process, the salesman needed to take down my information. “First name?” he asked. “Sharon.” “Last name?” “Hodde.”

Upon hearing my last name, the humongous, 250 pound beast of a man looked up at me somewhat quizzically and paused for a moment. Then, out of nowhere, his face broke into a huge smile as he produced a weirdly high pitched giggle.

“Tehehehehe! Your last name is hottie???”

That’s right, for those of you who have never heard my last name pronounced, it sounds like “hottie.” And I have similar experiences to the one just described almost every single day of my life.

Now I’ve gotta admit that I do like my last name. There was a brief stint in elementary school when I hated it–I got tired of hearing the chant, “Sharon Hodde on a potty!”–but after that phase subsided I began to like the quirkiness of it. It’s an instant ice breaker.

I also feel like I’ve carved out an identity with that name. My name appears on two degrees from Duke University, and it appears on numerous articles and devotions that I’ve authored. I am proud of my name and the reputation I have shaped for it.

But even in spite of all these things, I will be changing my name soon. When I get married, I will take on my fiancé’s last name, a practice that is becoming less and less common in the American professional world. Many women who have been single for awhile and have established careers with their maiden names are reluctant to give them up. It’s a way of holding onto their identities and the accomplishments associated with their names.

I can sympathize with that. Sometimes I feel the same way.

But in light of this trend I wanted to write about why I AM going to change my name. You see, I am not doing it for the sake of tradition but for the sake of my faith. There are 2 reasons why I feel led to take my fiancé’s last name, one is Scriptural and the other is theological:

1. Scriptural: In the very first picture of marriage, Eve takes Adam’s name.

In Genesis 2:23 Adam gives Eve the name of “woman.” In Hebrew, this word is a derivation of the word “man.” The word for “man” in Hebrew is “ish” and the word for woman in Hebrew is “ishah.” Upon giving this name, Adam explains the reason behind it: man and woman will join together and become one. The shared name is symbolic of this new union.

That said, I am taking my fiancé’s name because of the example set for us in Scripture and the meaning that it holds. We take the same name because we are becoming one. I take his name because I am coming under his protection and his leadership, just as Eve did with Adam.

2. Theological: Marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and the Church–a unity reflected in Spirit and in name.

Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This is a model for married couples. In the same way that a relationship with Christ means an entirely new identity for a believer, an identity that involves taking on the name of Christ, we do the same in marriage. When a woman marries a man, she forsakes her previous identity and becomes one with him.

This does not mean that a woman’s individual personality and interests must disappear, or that she must adopt a bland, cookie-cutter identiy, but it does mean that she thinks about herself differently. Her interests are her husband’s interests, her money is her husband’s money, her time is her husband’s time, and her body is her husband’s body. You’re not just looking out for yourself alone anymore.

What does all of this have to do with the name change? Think about it this way–If you profess Christ in church or when you’re alone in prayer but refuse to be associated with his name in public, then you aren’t fully surrendered to him, are you? You can’t claim to be united with Jesus in spirit if you’re unwilling to be associated with his name in public.

That is why I want to take on my fiancé’s name. Of course there are other ways of reflecting the unity you have with your spouse, such as wearing a wedding ring, but I personally think that one of the best ways to publicly profess my new identity and unity in marriage comes in taking his name.

Again, this does not mean that a woman’s identity should disappear. I am not advocating that at all. But it does mean that we must stamp out any spirit of self-interested independence that would thwart our unity with our husbands, as well as with Christ.

It is for those reasons that I will joyfully be taking on a new name 7 months from now!

(And for the record, my new name will be Sharon Hodde Miller, which works out because I my fiancé is already a “hottie” Miller)

I published this post over a year ago and still find it to be a great reminder. I hope you will find it to be so as well.

For the last two months I have been serving as a college minister at UNC-Greensboro. During this time I have often heard the university referred to as a “suitcase school.” Four thousand students live right on campus during the week, but each weekend a large portion of these students pack their bags and go home. As a result, the campus is all but dead on the weekends, hence the label “suitcase school.”

Now even if you didn’t attend a university like UNCG, most of us knew at least one person in college who couldn’t seem to leave their hometown behind. Maybe they had a boyfriend or girlfriend back there, or maybe they simply struggled to adjust to college life, but whatever the reason these suitcase students were frequently absent Friday through Sunday, and their life at school whithered as a result.

And this is what happens when you live your life looking back–you are so busy living in the past, that your present life essentially dies. God calls you forward, but you cannot forget what is behind, so you miss out on the blessing God has for you in the present.

We see this principle all throughout Scripture, but there is no example that is more memorable than that of Lot’s wife. The story begins with Lot and his wife being warned to get out of Sodom and Gomorrah as quickly as possible because God is about to destroy the two cities.

In addition to these instructions, God warns them not to look back. So Lot and his family flee the city just in time to escape its violent destruction, but what does Lot’s wife do just as they reach safety? She looks back. And as a result, she is turned into a pillar or salt.

Now I don’t know about you, but this punishment seems a little harsh. After all, if God was destroying an entire city, I would probably want to look, if for no other reason than morbid curiosity. Fire raining down from the sky would probably be quite a sight to behold! Yet God considers her action so grave that he turns her into salt. What is going on here?

Ultimately, the sin of Lot’s wife was not in her action, but in her motive. Though she did disobey God by looking back, the real problem was the state of her heart–she was unwilling to let go of the city she had left behind. And while anyone who has ever left home can relate to this sentiment, Sodom and Gomorrah was no ordinary place. It was a region in which sin ran rampant–the people were all about excess and immorality, and they completely neglected their poor. The people who lived there were intensely wicked, which means that Lot’s wife was not experiencing your average homesickness for girl friends left behind. Instead, she was probably missing the sinful pleasures she had enjoyed there. God wanted to make her new, but she liked her old life better.

And Lot’s wife was not the last to make this mistake. Luke 9:62 tells us, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” Even though Christ delivers us from sin and death, we will oftentimes look back at the life we left behind. I sometimes find myself missing some of my old vices, thinking how fun it would be to enjoy them one last time. Yet in the same way that looking back led to Lot’s wife’s demise, turning back to our old sins can lead to spiritual death as well.

In fact, looking back can lead to all kinds of death. For example, women are terrible about holding grudges. Guys will get in a fight, duke it out, and be done with it, but women will hold onto their bitterness for years. And as a result, they sabotage their relationships. You may have told your friend that you’ve forgiven her, but in reality you can’t forget what she’s done, so the friendship slowly dies.

And then there’s the kind of looking back that leaves us bound by guilt. God wants us to walk in the freedom of forgiveness, yet we cannot forgive ourselves, and so we remain in a self-imposed cage of self-doubt and shame even though the prison doors have been flung open.

In this way, the fate of Lot’s wife serves as a warning to us all: Living in the past means almost certain death in the present. Yes, we should learn from the past, but we should not be bound by it. If we believe that God is a redeemer, then we can trust that whatever happened behind us will be redeemed for good in the future, so rather than cling to that which we cannot change, we must put our full energy into what we can do today–namely, learning to serve, honor and love God better and better with every passing day.

Have you ever broken off a relationship with someone after they hurt you?

Have you ever found yourself acting awkward or uncomfortable around a close friend after they betrayed your trust?

For most of us, we can think of at least one instance in which this kind of estrangement has occurred. Someone we love and trust hurts us, and as a result of that injury the relationship never recovers. Even when we try to be civil to one another, the relationship is never quite the same again.

From the perspective of the injured party, this reaction seems reasonable. But have you ever been on the other end? Have YOU been the one to screw up and hurt a loved one, only to forever be emotionally shut out by them? Maybe they weren’t mean to you or openly bitter, but it seemed that no matter how hard you tried, no matter how much time had passed, you never received full forgiveness. The wrong was always hanging in the air.

I have been on both sides of this situation. In the first scenario I felt justified in staying guarded and keeping my distance; in the second scenario I felt helpless and frustrated that true forgiveness was just outside my grasp. It’s funny how our sense of justice is so relative to our position.

But the thing is, justice isn’t relative. And neither is grace. Which is why we have to examine what’s going on when we let a relationship die in the face of betrayal. What does it say about our faith?

In one of his sermons, Mark Driscoll talks about the cosmic law that all sin demands a sacrifice. Something must bear the price of wrong doing. Something must set justice back at its equilibrium.

Prior to Christ, this was done by sacrificing an animal. Fortunately Christ came and took the punishment on himself, once and for all. In these sacrifices we witness the universal principle that all sin results in punishment. Something or someone must be sacrificed–it is simply a matter of who bears the brunt of it.

In light of this principle, Driscoll points out that in the face of a wrong-doing, the thing we often choose to sacrifice is our relationship. In our minds, the relationship has been so utterly destroyed by sin that we must throw it away. A friend betrays you, so you end the friendship. A spouse hurts you, so you divorce. A sacrifice is needed, so you place your broken relationship on the altar of justice, and you watch it burn.

That is not, however, necessary. When we sacrifice a relationship we forget that the sacrifice has already been made. When Christ died on the cross, he died for the sins of your friend, your co-worker, your family member, and your spouse. The sacrifice has already been made for that sin, which means that no other sacrifice is needed.

And that is what sets Christian relationships apart from worldly relationships. Because of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, we are free to love and forgive one another even when we hurt one another. Why? Because we don’t have to bear the brunt of a person’s sin–Christ already has. A sacrifice has been made.

So in the same way that Christ has already died for every wrong that we will ever commit, Christ has done the same for the people in our lives. And in the same way that we have freedom in knowing that we’ve been forgiven, we shouldn’t punish the people around us for a sin from which Christ has already set them free. When we let the relationship die, it’s as if we’re saying that Christ’s sacrifice wasn’t enough.

That is not to say that we should immediately trust people who betray us, or that we should act as if nothing is wrong when we’ve been hurt, but it should keep us in check when we’re tempted to feel bitter, self-righteous, or simply distant. Don’t sacrifice your marriage, your friendships, or the unity of your church over sins for which Christ has already died. His sacrifice means healing and wholeness for the relationships in our lives, so make sure you’re not forfeiting that inheritance simply because of your pride.

As I have mentioned in several posts before, I am currently in the throes of planning a wedding. It’s fun, but it’s also kind of insane. I never thought it was possible to put this much time and energy into an event that will last only a few hours.

And while the planning process began in excitement and anticipation, it has since taken on a slightly different tone. Rather than simply enjoy the process, I’ve found myself feeling stressed and anxious about it. I’m thinking about wedding details all the time, and I’m almost completely consumed by it. As a result, I’ve been on edge and easily irritated, less patient and more quick to snap at my fiancé.

The reason for this change is two-fold, the first being a loss of focus. As soon as I make this wedding about me and not about God, then the pressure is on. Suddenly I’m bound by the expectations of others, desiring to put on a wedding that’s impressive and extravagant. It must be better than everyone else’s wedding. And if it’s not perfect, all will be ruined.

That is the place that my mind will go if I let it. That is what happens when I forget Christ.

But the second reason I’ve been so on edge is that I haven’t rested from it. I’m essentially planning the wedding all the time. When I’m not physically  working on the wedding I’m still thinking about it.

And therein lies the real problem–it’s not enough to rest your body. You must also be engaging in a Sabbath of the mind.

I first learned this lesson in my work as a minister. I found myself coming home and telling my roommates or fiancé about the things that had frustrated me that day or the various issues with which I was struggling. I was away from work, but I was still at work in spirit. My mind was constantly spinning as I thought about my ministry, worried about my ministry, and wracked my brain about ministry.

After this pattern went on long enough I began to burn out. I was tired all the time and I was short with my students. My motivation dwindled as my passion was stamped out by fatigue. And at first I was totally puzzled by this. Why wasn’t I feeling rested and restored by my down time?

The reason is that I wasn’t actually resting. My body may have stopped working, but my mind was still in work mode. I may have appeared to be relaxing, but everything else about my orientation was focused on the job.

That is why it is crucial that you give your body AND your mind a weekly Sabbath. What’s more, you need to guard your thought life on a DAILY basis when you are away from work. This can be done in a number of practical ways: Don’t bring your work home with you. When you’re with your family and friends, avoid talking about the problems at work, the people you dislike, and the issues you’re worried about. Find hobbies or activities that you enjoy and can help you to keep your mind off of work.

Right now, this means that I spend intentional time with my fiancé in which we are NOT talking about the wedding.  We need to allow our minds the time to refocus and meditate on the peace that we have in Christ and the greater meaning for this upcoming event in our lives. In doing so, we will free ourselves to actually enjoy the process, one another, and God. When we intentionally allow ourselves to rest, we liberate ourselves from the rat race that ensnares our souls, so be diligent to guard your mind. It needs a break too.