Hi friends! For those of you who haven’t already heard the update to my post I Am Not Superwoman, I have good news: I passed my glucose test! The test itself was not an awesome experience–apparently my body dislikes being starved, then losing blood, then consuming an insane amount of glucose, and then losing more blood. At one point I gave up and just laid down on the floor of the waiting room. I’m sure it was really comforting to every patient who entered the office and saw a pregnant woman sprawled out on the ground.
But it doesn’t matter because I PASSED! Woohoo! Thank you to everyone who prayed for me!
Although that was wonderful news, I have continued to “sit in my weakness” and reflect on what God wants me to learn during these final months of my pregnancy. Third trimester fatigue has begun to set in, which has made it difficult to remain fully engaged during class. Yesterday I alternated between staring at my professor and staring at my notes as I strained to understand what on earth we were talking about. My brain and body simply would not cooperate.
Fortunately, I am now half way done with my summer classes. On Monday I begin my second class, which involves about 4 hours of class each morning. I am grateful that each class session does not last an entire day, but 4 hours is still a daunting amount of time at this point in the pregnancy. Once this class ends in two weeks, I will write two final papers (one for each of these classes) and re-write the paper I mentioned in the Superwoman post. Once those are turned in, there will be no more school work standing between me and my due date.
I wish I had more energy to blog during these coming weeks, but the fatigue has made it difficult. During the second trimester I would have come home from class and gotten straight to work. Now, I come home and sleep 2 hours. At first I was putting pressure on myself to write more than I have been lately, but last night I recalled an important lesson that I learned from my blog fast last year:
I do not exist to write.
Writing is not my master.
I only write to worship God, not to increase readership or to measure my ministerial success by production-driven standards. I only write to honor Him.
That said, I will be blogging less in the coming weeks. I might post one or two if I feel God leading me to do so, but otherwise I am going to focus on completing my school work. The pressure I feel to blog more often is certainly of my own making, not God’s, so I will continue to reflect on my human weakness and embrace the truth that when I am weak, I am strong (2 Cor. 12:10). Rather than carry on under the illusion that I can and must keep all these plates spinning in the air, I am setting them down and focusing on what God has called me to this moment. Nothing more.
I wish I had more energy to write during this time, but hopefully God will give me a lot of great blog fodder for when I come back in full swing. Until then, I greatly appreciate your prayers. Not only do I desire continued perseverance and strength as I feel increasingly tired (and LARGE!), but I also desire continuous joy. Although there is a lot on my plate, I can’t help but rejoice that God has given me so many blessings to steward. I hope I can continue to celebrate that fact.