Fembots: A New Breed of Women?

Sharon Girl Stuff, Pop-Culture, Women's Ministry 1 Comment

A friend of mine recently forwarded me an article that appeared in Marie Claire magazine entitled, “Fembots: The New Breed of Woman.” The caption of the article read as follows: “Tired of touchy-feely friendships and being the vulnerable one in romance, a new breed of steely female is beating guys at their own game.”

In this article, the author described a new kind of woman who has emerged upon the dating scene–one who is able to shut off her emotions and simply “play the game,” have casual sex with men without wanting him to call her later. The author labeled this new breed of women as “fembots.”

Now contrary to the negative connotation of the label, the author praised these fembot females, herself aspiring to espouse that same independence. In her mind, this is the evolution of the woman–Darwinistically speaking, it is our future. It’s all about survival of the fittest–the weak will get thrown under the wheels of the dating bus, but the strong fembots are built to survive.

In forwarding this article to me, my friend wanted to know my opinion of it. He was wondering if I found this to be true of the women I work with. Well the answer to that question is both a yes and no. While I know far more non-Christians who have seemingly shut down their hearts when it comes to men, there are Christian women who do the same–in fact, I’ve done it myself! You get to a point at which you are tired of being hurt and used, so you spend time with guys that you know you don’t have a future with. You keep them around to build up your self-esteem, but you don’t get attached because you would never actually date them.

To the outside world, this kind of behavior would look like that of a fembot. Just as the name implies, it would seem that you have removed your heart and you are little more than a hollow shell of a person who cares little for feelings and only seeks physical pleasure. But this is an illusion.

In reality, fembots do not exist. As much as we women try to remove our hearts from the equation, it is impossible. Even Lady Macbeth, who was perhaps the quintessential fembot in literature, eventually took her own life because she couldn’t handle her own moral corruption. Her heart was not immune to her actions. So as hard as we try, we cannot change the way God made us. He hard-wired us to be emotional creatures.

That said, the true stripes of a supposed fembot will be revealed whenever she settles down. Eventually she will meet a man who is able to push through the defense mechanism and get inside her heart, and at that point you will see what the fembot is really made of: insecurity. After years and years of using men and letting men use her, she has planted seeds and seeds of distrust and guardedness, so as soon as she makes herself vulnerable to a man in a real dating relationship, she is going to be absolutely terrified, and have an immense amount of baggage to work through.

In this way, the fembot exterior is only masking a wounded heart. It may seem as if these women are cold and heartless, but it is really quite the opposite–their heart is very much intact, but it’s in desperate need of healing and protection.

So if this lifestyle appeals to you, if you wish you could turn off your emotions and just have fun, remember that at the end of the day, the fembot way of life is an illusion. Albeit a convincing one, but an illusion nonetheless. No woman can kill off her heart altogether, as hard as she may try. She can only bury it. And for that reason I disagree with the author. Fembots are not the future of femininity–they are merely one more way of running away from our problems, leaving them alone to fester. And that kind of escapism is not really new at all.

In case you have your own thoughts on this topic, you can read the article here. (And I apologize for the crudeness) I’d love to hear your input as well!

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Comments 1

  1. Dawson

    Good post. If I may I want to take a moment to echo back some of your thoughts from a male perspective. First, I would have to agree with your thoughts on the hopeless task of killing our hearts. No one can kill what we are. That is like trying to change the shape of your shadow, you always return to who you are in unguarded moments.
    I have seen my sisters in Christ turn from true healing and cover over there pain with 3 year old Vaseline. Yet there is a fly in the ointment. Humanity was not called to hide, that was a result of the fall. Fig leafs are just signs pointing to our biggest fears. Yet today we take the fig leaf and place it in new place. We cover our faces. Today, people have face-less sex or analog derivatives there of.
    What ever happened to the virtues of the cross? Many relationships fall apart even Christian marriages for that mater because the real work of understanding the virtue of weakness is never engaged in. The cross is a picture of the weakness of God. A weak God dieing for fig leafs. But their, do we not see a blossom, a bud of truth? Through weakness, God’s weakness, we have a door of hope. I can be vulnerable for I believe; I live in a forgiveness that is bigger than me. .
    Second, I don’t know if you implied this but No guy is Austin Powers with the emotional range of a gnat’s G-string. That is a role we play to protect what insecurities lurk in our hearts. We are emotional creatures also. I would even say, the bible supports that men in there authentic masculinity to be passionate, it is the indicative trait of every emulatable male bible character.
    Reading your blog I begin to sing a song from Good charlotte. After reflection I think it captures what happens today. It tells a story of first a girl then a guy that are still in love but don’t want to be so they go out partying try it to run from there hearts. Like all of us, it shows the varied ways we hid behind our fig leafs. Ways we seek to repress and hide our hurts and find a new self free of what makes us authentically human.

    She’s going out to forget they were together
    All that time he was taking her for granted
    She wants to see if there’s more
    Than he gave she’s looking for

    He calls her up
    He’s trippin on the phone now
    He doesn’t want her out there
    And alone now
    He knows she’s movin it
    Knows she’s using it
    Now he’s losing it
    She don’t care

    Everybody put up your hands
    Say I don’t wanna be in love
    I don’t wanna be in love
    Feel the beat now
    If you’ve got nothing left
    Say I don’t wanna be in love
    I don’t wanna be in love
    Back it up now
    You’ve got a reason to live
    Say I don’t wanna be in love
    I don’t wanna be in love
    Feelin’ good now
    Don’t be afraid to get down
    Say I don’t wanna be in love
    I don’t wanna be in love

    He was always giving her attention
    Looking hard to find the things she mentioned
    He was dedicated
    But most suckers hate it
    That girl was fine
    But she didn’t appreciate him

    She calls him up
    She’s tripping on the phone now
    He had to get up
    And he ain’t comin home now
    He’s tryin to forget her
    That’s how we come with him
    When he first met her
    When they first got together

    Everybody put up your hands
    Say I don’t wanna be in love
    I don’t wanna be in love
    Feel the beat now

    If you got nothing left
    Say I don’t wanna be in love
    I don’t wanna be in love
    Back it up now
    You got a reason to live
    Say I don’t wanna be in love
    I don’t wanna be in love
    Feelin’ good now
    Don’t be afraid to get down
    Say I don’t wanna be in love
    I don’t wanna be in love

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